husband told me he is leaving me

[beingtakenforafool]

Looking for a hand hold. Husband just told me today he’s leaving me and doesn’t love me anymore, well still cares but not in love with me. Im devastated and don’t know where to go from here. i can’t stop crying and he won’t consider counselling, time or anything like that as apparently been feeling like it for 6 months, but didn’t think to tell me

I’m sorry, what an awful thing to drop on you at 10pm surely just before you’re going to bed. There is almost certainly someone else, isn’t there? What a bastard.

last couple months we had some issued due to his friendship with co worker, but I thought we had sorted that and were in a much better place. Going by what he had told me , but clearly that was all lies. how do you get out of this hole and feeling , im wrong side of 50 and will likely be on my own forever

It will.get easier and ive actually found it nice being on my own.
Im sorry though,one day at a time x

@beingtakenforafool
you are unlikely to be on your own forever and in time you’ll meet someone much nicer I’m sure
but as a side note I’d rather be on my own than with a cheat and a liar!

Try to settle tonight and get your ducks in a row tomorrow morning

Do you have friends and family to support you ?

There is another woman.

Contact a solicitor. Take the bastard for everything.

he told me earlier and we have been talking/ shouting for several hours
me going through all the asking him to reconsider and give it a go at least as been together over 20 years . I know him well and he is def cold and done. I just have to get on with it I guess , no way I can do work tomorrow, im just a bubbling mess.

he insists noone else and we have nothing , we rent , have some debts , I can just about manage the house older dc still live at home , but they are over 18 so he doesn’t have to support us.

he won’t consider counselling, time or anything like that as apparently been feeling like it for 6 months

6 months is nothing. No-one ends a long marriage like this. He's lying. There is another woman.

He's lying.

yes but only told one friend, don’t want to tell anyone else yet. Im ashamed almost and I know thats probaly stupid

He's probably done you a favour. I'm sure you are shocked and miserable now but that will pass and you will realise how much you have been second guessing and looking over your shoulder. How much he has been making you miserable.

For what it's worth being 'alone' with hobbies, friends, peace of mind and limited caring responsibilities for useless men, is statistically what enables women have happier, healthier, lengthier lives.

Fuck him and the horse he rode off with.

Either someone else or he could of felt this way for some time and been waiting for kids to get older. Im sorry either way,it will ease over time

Don’t be ashamed! This is when you need to gather people who love you.

If one of my friends told me their husband was ‘leaving them out of the blue’ I would be mad on her behalf and instantly try and work with her to establish her rights etc assuming that there is in fact another woman.

there has been some contact with another women but he is adamant nothing is going on, but admits that he overstepped boundary with couple messages , but it doesn’t count as he doesn’t like her or her him. I think it plays a part in this , even if he is telling the truth and there is nothing , its played its hand in it

Op it doesn’t matter if he’s with someone else or not. It means nothing as to what you can negotiate as the divorce so ignore those baying for you to fight with him. It’s very hard right now and you have to do nothing apart from be calm and try to sleep. The rest will happen. As it has happened to many women. You’ll be ok. I promise

not totally out blue as such as we have had some issues in last 2 months due to his behaviour and a couple messages to someone else, but I honestly thought we had got past this and had what I thought were honest discussions about how we felt and about making it work or at least giving it a real good go, but seems he was lying as he told me he loved me and now today he cares but not in love with me.

Very recently youngest over 18 by any chance? Classic 'just waiting until I don't have to pay for the kids...' if so.

Who leaves a marriage of decades after six months of 'not being in love any more'.... only a man who has had a better offer.

What a shitter

Have you read 'The Script' yet?

i honestly didn’t think he had cheated and phyiscally he def has not as no lt even had the chance, emotionally yes now I think it crossed to that. he even said he has been thinking of why hes behaved certain ways as not like him. he can’t see how he is almost as good as saying its my fault. how i see it you leave as soon as you start thinking you don’t love someone or you at least tell them

20 so couple years over . yes i have read the script and it speaks volumes

When us he moving out. Sorry youre going through this.

he has offered to pay some money when he leaves towards the house but I don’t trust that. when he has to rent and pay bills elsewhere there won’t be much to give realistically. Plus I don’t trust anything he says now

Sorry OP - this is not easy.
Maybe take the day off tomorrow so you have some time to settle your emotions.

I'm so sorry, happened to me too - 23 years married, I excused 6 months of his crappy behaviour to me putting it down to stress at work, him threatened with redundancy etc. Yes, he was in an emotional attachment with a woman he used to work with; lots of flirty 'banter' is what she considered it, he was utterly smitten and wrote off our marriage, our little family ... She freaked out when I found her phone number on our landline phone bill, called and asked WTF ... Her (33) shrieking "He's 50, I don't want to be with someone who's 50"!

Took him 4 years to meet someone else - he had a miserable time living in a friends spare room and trying online dating (cocklodger, moved in as quick as he could with her). I've not met anyone else - my trust has been so badly battered, I'd rather be on my own and not have anyone let me down like that again - financial abuse, manipulation, the lies he's told about me ....

There's lots of advice out there - firstly, don't beg, you recognize he's done. Someone told me it takes a couple of months for each year you've known him - well, it's 14 years this month and there isn't a day I don't wish bad things on him. The new woman gets a cheat, a liar, an utter sleeze and I feel well rid. Don't know how he turned, can't understand how quickly he turned, but he went almost immediately from my best friend to the absolute worst person I know.

Someone will be along in a minute with the list of do's and don'ts. I wish I'd followed them, lost a bit of respect for myself in trying to get him to understand just how huge his decision was, how it would affect our family ... Fresh fanny, someone put on Mumsnet once, and that made me smile.