husband told me he is leaving me

[beingtakenforafool]

Looking for a hand hold. Husband just told me today he’s leaving me and doesn’t love me anymore, well still cares but not in love with me. Im devastated and don’t know where to go from here. i can’t stop crying and he won’t consider counselling, time or anything like that as apparently been feeling like it for 6 months, but didn’t think to tell me

If you are married then I believe any pension built up since you started cohabiting is marital assets in the uk. Yes, you should get half. Get paperwork to show how much it is if at all possible. Courts can force this but it slows things down. Speak to a solicitor to check the position but don’t assume pension is for him alone to take.

Well your children are adults maybe thats the whole point he doesnt want responsibilty he wants to just care about himself, thats not selfish if hes spent 20 years working and looking after others...he is not responsible for you

Also I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s an awful punch in the guts. One day at a time for now but soon you will be able to enjoy little things again. I hope and believe that you will find peace in your new life.

Could have? Probably not, not until he met someone else.

It does work like that! You get some of his pension. You missed out on yours raising his kids. Don’t let him get away by just rolling over. Seek legal advice even just a free 30 min consult.

My friend is a high level manager in the home office, was married to a taxi driver who rented a bedsit when they split. He's been awarded her full pension when it kicks in. There was some trade off about him not being entitled to the house though. You need to seek legal advice.

He is a total shit. You are not likely to be on your own for ever . You are more likely to meet a lovely decent human being that will value you and make you look back on this marriage as a "what the heck" moment

💐im so sorry op, thinking of you. I'm a single parent, it's hard but better than living with a lying, cheating, cowardly <swearword of your choosing>

🦆🦆🦆 I am sending you some of my ducks x

I’m so sorry OP , keep your dignity in tact - just think balls to him -

well it is pretty selfish as it leaves his kids having to pay higher amounts to help keep a roof over their heads , when he promised to provide for them. its also pretty selfish to feel that way for 6 months and not tell your wife/ partner of 27 years and only throw it out there when you question his attention on another women, its cowardly at very least. we have bought things on finance in last 6 months as well based on two wages and some of it his ideas .

OP we are all behind you, you are not alone. You have had great advice here, the same I got when I was asked for a divorce at 59 years old with our youngest at Uni. The best advice of all was to see a solicitor,they are not all expensive. The second best advice was to maintain the high ground,keep your dignity and keep stum. You will not lose your kids. You will not be a wreck for long.
If it helps, since my divorce I've become a gigging musician, become a ommunity activist and had several good relationships. I'm now at 68 with a wonderful man who puts me first. I have great sex. I have good women friends both single and married. My ex is alone, his best friend is his Mum. Like all of them, he regrets his decision.
You can do it, we are all spurring you on. 🤗

I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP. Exactly the same happened to me. Wrong side of 50 and married over 30 years. Turned out he had another woman who was a work colleague. It was like a switch flipped in him and I was shell shocked. We had to live in the same house until it sold as I had no pension of my own and a low income due to working term time only around the kids. Like your husband he tried to blame me and it was a long while before I came to terms with it and saw a solicitor. He didn’t want a divorce though - just a separation as he wanted to have his cake and eat it. I initiated the divorce as I finally saw sense and decided to move on. I met someone else on an over 50’s dating site and when the house eventually sold I moved in with him and we have now been happily married for 11 years. Ex husband lives on his own and has asked me to go back to him more than once - not a chance! My advice - Be kind to yourself - this is NOT your fault, no matter what he says. Take advice to find out where you stand - a lot of solicitors offer a free appointment to start with. Get your paperwork in order and get copies of everything important. Think about what you would like your future to be and work towards that. I promise you that it will get better and you will be happy again. When you are at rock bottom then the only way is up! Sending you a big hug xx

he has also not been working and looking after us , i have also worked and done all the childcare all the house bits mostly , especially all insurance's, cars etc that kind of thing. he doesn’t even know who is insurance is with or when it runs out, I think i have been doing more than my fair share. I also supported him financially at one point when he had little work. i asked people for a hand hold not judgement based on zero knowledge

@beingtakenforafoolthey always insist there isn’t someone else - trust me there is!

Of course it matters emotionally. If a long relationship ends, the least the person being left is honesty and respect. Hard to have closure without truth.

It's not about fighting it out.

OP, it's so common for them to lie, they are so cowardly and avoidant and don't want to be seen as the bad guy.

I understand your feelings of shame, I felt the same. It was very hard.

Don't go to work tomorrow. Hope you can spend the day with family or close friends who you trust. Take care.

There are far worse things than spending the rest your life alone like spending it with someone who doesnt love you has emotional attachements with other women and paints you as the problem Dont get sad get angry Show him the door and get yourself a diy divorce as soon asvthe qualifying separation period is up YOU WILL BE OK

He definitely is lying the pig. Im 64 and mine left 10 years ago. Im so much happier on my own. I dont need anyone else.

you have allowed him to sleep on the sofa tonight - that is very kind of you.
tomorrow he makes different arrangements.

and yes you can ask for 50% of his pension, 50% of any joint accounts etc. who owns the car / how many cars do you have ? are they bought outright ? etc.

Tomorrow get yourself onto these benefit advice websites, and find out if you can get any help i.e. Universal Credit / Housing Benefit. They are very easy to fill out.

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

And as you rent once hes gone phone the housing association or landlord and get him taken off the tenancy agreement so he doesnt use this as an excuse to keep popping back

Take control of the divorce. You need to be in charge of the timings and he HAS to give you half his pension.

Same story here. Still going through it. Suspect some level of cheating. SAHM. He was done coincidentally when the youngest was out of the door.

You know, there's being blunt and then there's being cruel...

This is neither the time or the place for the latter. What really takes the biscuit is that you edited your post to add the nastiest line - you really thought about it, didn't you?

I am not entitled to benefits i earn just over. just with rent and all bills, new sofa on finance etc it will be a struggle for me. I can just about pay it all but no money if car goes wrong etc. adult dc can pay a little more but both been saving to buy so this will put them back a bit too, we have no assets both have over 12 year old cars , owned outright. all we have is pensions but I guess if iI am entitled to half of his then he is to mine.would guess his is worth more , he just got quite a big promotion and payrise so can up
his after the split. i can’t even afford a divorce if I could i would apply now as i think i have grounds for unreasonable behaviour

already ordered the forms online to change from joint to sole.

If i was sure he was cheating I would have left but all i have is a doubt will never fully now or have proof. adult dc have said if cheating or they find out then they will have nothing to do with him. but we will never know fully