Needing advice on my boyfriend

[Dolly550]

Hi, so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months now. We are very much in love , well I know I am.
it hasn’t been the smoothest of starts , he likes control and likes this his way in general. If we did have a disagreement , he was immediately try to end the relationship but then come back the next day.
we got better , we started to communicate better and understand each other as that’s how things develop. I thought we were making progress , I’m a very open person , emotionally intelligent, he isn’t so much , he can be sometimes. He had told me many times that he has never felt like this for anyone , I take that with a pinch of salt. Always said how deep our connection is , called us soulmates , we did start to mention moving in as things progress , I met his sons and brother and family. He hasn’t met mine just yet because they aren’t the most positive people ever. And I wanted to make sure we were serious before meeting. Anyway literally 24 hours ago we were very much in love , cuddling, he even brought up marriage. The next morning , apparently I was in a mood. We were having a tiny dispute and he then totally flipped , slammed the breaks on the car , shouting , pointing , calling me a cunt and telling me to shut the fuck up. He has a lot of financial stress and other stresses, I was shocked and frightened and told him to calm down , he was screaming that in 4 months I’ve never added him to my life etc. even though he’s meant to be meeting my father in a few weeks. He’s now ended the relationship, said he’s never met anyone as difficult as me , that he’s had enough of me and I’m just broken and so confused. It’s constant whiplash with him and I love him very much and I know he does love me in his own weird way , he was always expressive , lovely , so in love, everything was perfect with us. But when conflict hit , he was very mean and different. I pushed him away from me in the car when he was shouting because I was frightened and he said what you going to do hit me , I said no ! He has 2 failed marriages wayyy before , that were very awful from his telling to me. I think he’s left out some details in there but I just think it’s gone from 0-100! Could I have some nice advice on here. I’m struggling with this and I never wanted us to end.

you hve dodged a bullet. He sounds horrific an he has done you a favour. Move forward and have nothing to do with him

With the deepest of respect, calling yourself emotionally intelligent and putting up with this abuse, while proclaiming your love for this utter prick is completely ridiculous

Run like the wind. He has more red flags than an Chinese parade.

When he's mean and controlling, that's who he really is. Bin him.

Well I am emotionally aware than many people yes but when love is involved I am weak , I don’t think that’s a flaw

It’s been 4 months.

👍🏻

He couldn't be telling you more clearly OP what type of man he is but the fact you were frightened of him tells you all you need to know.

You realy should be relieved he has ended the relationship. Think yourself lucky to have got out of it physically unharmed.

The best advice is to move on. If you stay with him this will just he the start. He’s testing you to see what you will put up with.

Block him. Call your Friends and arrange to meet them and ask for information on him using Clare’s Law and don’t look back.

It might be hard, especially when you have these feeling for him but he’s been lying about what your future will he like. A future with him will only bring misery.

4 months and you've broke up multiple times but you're madly in love. Assuming his children are adults and he is older than you, otherwise why on earth do you think meeting his children after a few weeks is emotionally intelligent?

You sound very immature and he's emotionally abusive at best. Think yourself he dumped you. Block him. Move on and take a mature approach to new relationships in the future.

It’s a massive flaw
i would run like the absolute wind from the man you describe
it’s not romantic
he’s a nasty piece of work and he’s spotted you’re vulnerable

Run, you'd be an utter fool not to. Why did his 2 marriages break down? Don't tell me, not his fault, they were toxic nutters 🤔

Glad someone else has already mentioned Claire’s Law.

He’s been love bombing, introduced you to his kids within 4 months and is controlling.

You can’t run away fast enough.

I met his children 3 months in thank you , also he is older than me by a few years

Seriously OP this is a horrible horrible man. You need to think about why you are in love with someone who treats you so badly. You’re not showing emotional intelligence he’s showing weakness

I’ve been with my partner 7 years. In that time he has never raised his voice to me, we don’t argue and rarely bicker and he’s utterly respectful of me at all times.

Sorry but i did the most mature approach, i waited for a lot , I didn’t want to rush , he still didn’t meet me family just yet as I wanted to make sure he was the one. He got very frustrated at that

Red flags galore, Please don't try to continue to have a relationship with this man. I have a feeling that you are going to pursue it though.

How old are you @Dolly550? You sound young.

This man is an abuser. Eventually, he will hit you.

I think you will go back to him. But he will eventually hit you (or worse).

Make sure you have the National Abuse Hotline number (or Women's Aid etc). You are going to need them at some point.

RUN!! This will only get worse. Love isn't like this. Imagine if your lives get more intertwined, making it harder for you to escape. Save yourself a world of pain by blocking him and not looking back.

So what is it you want from this thread? You are extremely resistant to any idea that your approach has even the slightest flaw despite 100% of posters being in agreement

SURELY there's a better man out there somewhere. Who wants all this drama, in a four month relationship?!

Emotionally aware people don't meet their new boyfriends children after 3 months. Especially when it isn't a good relationship in the first place.

What do you need advice on? He's no longer your boyfriend. Are you asking for advice on moving on and protecting yourself from abusive men?

Yes quite , the two women were well 1 left him with his disabled child , the other was abusive to his next lot of children and apparently was abusive to him and an alcoholic but he never said what he did ovbs! And he said he stayed as long as he could with them for the children and divorced them

Please go away with your aggressive comments not helpful thanks

You didn't wait, you rushed everything.

Can your family not talk some sense into you?

Mu advice would be to run, as fast as you can, from this man and don't look back! 4 months in and he's behaving like this? No way should you see him again, at all. You've had a lucky escape, if he's behaving like this at the beginning of a relationship, it's only going to get much, much worse. Run!