Needing advice on my boyfriend

[Dolly550]

Hi, so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months now. We are very much in love , well I know I am.
it hasn’t been the smoothest of starts , he likes control and likes this his way in general. If we did have a disagreement , he was immediately try to end the relationship but then come back the next day.
we got better , we started to communicate better and understand each other as that’s how things develop. I thought we were making progress , I’m a very open person , emotionally intelligent, he isn’t so much , he can be sometimes. He had told me many times that he has never felt like this for anyone , I take that with a pinch of salt. Always said how deep our connection is , called us soulmates , we did start to mention moving in as things progress , I met his sons and brother and family. He hasn’t met mine just yet because they aren’t the most positive people ever. And I wanted to make sure we were serious before meeting. Anyway literally 24 hours ago we were very much in love , cuddling, he even brought up marriage. The next morning , apparently I was in a mood. We were having a tiny dispute and he then totally flipped , slammed the breaks on the car , shouting , pointing , calling me a cunt and telling me to shut the fuck up. He has a lot of financial stress and other stresses, I was shocked and frightened and told him to calm down , he was screaming that in 4 months I’ve never added him to my life etc. even though he’s meant to be meeting my father in a few weeks. He’s now ended the relationship, said he’s never met anyone as difficult as me , that he’s had enough of me and I’m just broken and so confused. It’s constant whiplash with him and I love him very much and I know he does love me in his own weird way , he was always expressive , lovely , so in love, everything was perfect with us. But when conflict hit , he was very mean and different. I pushed him away from me in the car when he was shouting because I was frightened and he said what you going to do hit me , I said no ! He has 2 failed marriages wayyy before , that were very awful from his telling to me. I think he’s left out some details in there but I just think it’s gone from 0-100! Could I have some nice advice on here. I’m struggling with this and I never wanted us to end.

No one should have such a low bar. How many more red flags do you need?

I am 36

He's awful. No wonder he's got two failed marriages. Soooo much drama for four months in.

If you can't see how bad this relationship is then you're not as emotionally mature as you think you are. There are masses of red flags flying, and you're not seeing any of them.

It’s a pattern. Nasty, nice, nasty nice. It’s tightening the grip on you, and he cannot change.
please just block him. He’ll be back with flowers to run you round the track again.

I do understand.
yes and many times I did walk away and said this isn’t right for only 4 months. I would always say the first 5 years at least is meant to be wonderful or forever with someone.

She’s not wrong though, @Dolly550. He’s not a good man. You’re lucky he didn’t get you in an accident when he was slamming the car brakes on and screaming at you.

And I’m afraid it IS a flaw to be ‘weak when love is involved’. It suggests low self esteem or a willingness to to forgive behaviour that is 100% unreasonable (and in this case dangerous).

A man would only get to call me the c word once.

I do understand , I haven’t been met with the best of men and relationships and I’m always working on myself. I’m a very accomplished businesswoman and have properties around London.
he doesn’t , he also has hardly any money and is under crazy financial stress.

I’m a very accomplished businesswoman and have properties around London.
he doesn’t , he also has hardly any money and is under crazy financial stress.

@Dolly550 then why are you with this loser?

Save the domestic abuse phone numbers. If you do nothing else, please save them.

So you also have different attitudes to money. That’s another point of incompatibility.

He’s not for you. Don’t repeat your previous experience with ‘not the best of men’ with another awful one.

If you’ve already walked away several times in a four month relationship then you have everything you need to know already.

unsure what you’re wanting advice on? If it’s reassurance that it’s good you’re no longer together , then please realise that EVERYONE on this thread is screaming for you to run a mile.

delete block and ignore. Claire’s law as necessary.

If you’re an accomplished and financially secure business women, then invest in some counselling and insight into why you’re attracted to such dreadful men
pour resources into yourself and self esteem
you’re a grown woman of 36 so this is a long term pattern

Ok…

So you're wealthy and weak when a man love bombs you @Dolly550. This man saw ££££ and knew he could take advantage by telling you he wanted to marry you after weeks of knowing you. Do you want to lose half of everything pay for a useless man and all his children?

Where are their mothers? Are you sure they are safe?

Yes I feel like you’re going to continue the relationship too and this will give this abuser a clear sign that he can do what he likes and you’ll still be there.

Ask for information under Clare’s Law as I suggested earlier. He’s probably already prepped you to believe that any abuse was from his exes though and he was the innocent party, despite you seeing from his behaviour with you that he’s clearly very abusive.

If you do stay, which all of the replies say not to, don’t move in with him, don’t give him a key to your place, install a door cam , and have the contact details for the Domestic Abuse Charities in your phone.

Tell your DFs too what has happened and ask for their opinions.

And remember you've been love bombed. Things will never get back to how they were, it was all fake and no sex, no matter how good was, is worth being with a volatile man.

It is if you allow yourself to be treated the way he's treated you.

Run away from him

What have previous relationships been like for you? How old are you both?

Do not get back with this guy. He’s a dangerous, controlling man. He is banking on you coming crawling back. Do not do this to yourself. You deserve much better than becoming an unpaid carer for his kids, which is what will happen if you lived together. With that kind of outburst I would also worry about the potential for physical DV as well as emotional abuse.

Do not look back. Walk away with head held high and relief that you’ve dodged something awful.

Agreed.

I'm sorry you're upset @Dolly550 but this man is not for you. At 4 months in this should be the honeymoon period, he should be on his best behaviour. You should be in the golden glow!

That was in no way agressive.

Hi, so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months now. We are very much in love , well I know I am.
You're not in love with him.

it hasn’t been the smoothest of starts , he likes control and likes this his way in general.
It should be wonderful at the start. He showed controlling tendencies.

If we did have a disagreement , he was immediately try to end the relationship but then come back the next day.
Sod that.

we got better , we started to communicate better and understand each other as that’s how things develop. I thought we were making progress ,

I’m a very open person , emotionally intelligent, he isn’t so much , he can be sometimes. He had told me many times that he has never felt like this for anyone , I take that with a pinch of salt.
Good. It's love-bombing.

Always said how deep our connection is , called us soulmates , we did start to mention moving in as things progress , I met his sons and brother and family.
He hasn’t met mine just yet because they aren’t the most positive people ever. And I wanted to make sure we were serious before meeting. Sensible.

Anyway literally 24 hours ago we were very much in love , cuddling, he even brought up marriage.
Futueee faking/love-bombing/wanting a nanny with a fanny

The next morning , apparently I was in a mood. We were having a tiny dispute and he then totally flipped , slammed the breaks on the car , shouting , pointing , calling me a cunt and telling me to shut the fuck up.
Charming. What a prince.

He has a lot of financial stress and other stresses, I was shocked and frightened and told him to calm down , he was screaming that in 4 months I’ve never added him to my life etc. even though he’s meant to be meeting my father in a few weeks.

He’s now ended the relationship, said he’s never met anyone as difficult as me , that he’s had enough of me
Good. Trash took itself out.

and I’m just broken and so confused.
Which part of controlling abusive shit are you struggling with?

It’s constant whiplash with him
the first few months shouldn't be like that.

and I love him very much and I know he does love me in his own weird way , he was always expressive , lovely , so in love,
You don't love him.

everything was perfect with us.
If that is perfection your bar must be very low

But when conflict hit , he was very mean and different. I pushed him away from me in the car when he was shouting because I was frightened and he said what you going to do hit me , I said no !
He's probably violent.

He has 2 failed marriages wayyy before , that were very awful from his telling to me.
They usually have crazy exes. Wonder why his marriages failed.

I think he’s left out some details in there but I just think it’s gone from 0-100! Could I have some nice advice on here. I’m struggling with this and I never wanted us to end.
Block him and do the Freedom Programme.

This!

Please do not believe what he says about his exes. He’s the common denominator here.

Perfect advice

It is half term…

Is there a back story here op, are you vulnerable?

it’s four months, I’ve sauces in my fridge older, and he’s abusive, so what’s causing you to be so needy with low self esteem?