Needing advice on my boyfriend

[Dolly550]

Hi, so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months now. We are very much in love , well I know I am.
it hasn’t been the smoothest of starts , he likes control and likes this his way in general. If we did have a disagreement , he was immediately try to end the relationship but then come back the next day.
we got better , we started to communicate better and understand each other as that’s how things develop. I thought we were making progress , I’m a very open person , emotionally intelligent, he isn’t so much , he can be sometimes. He had told me many times that he has never felt like this for anyone , I take that with a pinch of salt. Always said how deep our connection is , called us soulmates , we did start to mention moving in as things progress , I met his sons and brother and family. He hasn’t met mine just yet because they aren’t the most positive people ever. And I wanted to make sure we were serious before meeting. Anyway literally 24 hours ago we were very much in love , cuddling, he even brought up marriage. The next morning , apparently I was in a mood. We were having a tiny dispute and he then totally flipped , slammed the breaks on the car , shouting , pointing , calling me a cunt and telling me to shut the fuck up. He has a lot of financial stress and other stresses, I was shocked and frightened and told him to calm down , he was screaming that in 4 months I’ve never added him to my life etc. even though he’s meant to be meeting my father in a few weeks. He’s now ended the relationship, said he’s never met anyone as difficult as me , that he’s had enough of me and I’m just broken and so confused. It’s constant whiplash with him and I love him very much and I know he does love me in his own weird way , he was always expressive , lovely , so in love, everything was perfect with us. But when conflict hit , he was very mean and different. I pushed him away from me in the car when he was shouting because I was frightened and he said what you going to do hit me , I said no ! He has 2 failed marriages wayyy before , that were very awful from his telling to me. I think he’s left out some details in there but I just think it’s gone from 0-100! Could I have some nice advice on here. I’m struggling with this and I never wanted us to end.

Erm yes it is. This can't be real. And if it is, this is why some men get away with walking all over some women.

3 now , sadly his disabled child died 5 years ago

You haven’t waited at all. You’ve met his children after 12 weeks?? You’ve discussed marriage already!

I know you’re hurting, but what you are feeling is NOT love. You cannot love someone you barely know. You love the feeling of being loved. But he doesn’t love you. People who love you don’t treat you like that. You really could use some therapy to examine why you’re clinging to men who you barely know. It’s really unhealthy and will lead you to bad places (as you’re currently finding out).

You can do so much better than this piece of shit.

I don't think you know what 'passive aggressive' means.

And now you know.
What are you going to do about it?

All this angst in just four months?

OP, you barely know this man. Four months is nothing.

It's blatantly obvious that he was a nasty, controlling, emotionally abusive piece of shit. Honestly, you sound quite vulnerable and naive and if I were you, I would consider getting some counselling/therapy because there are so, so many red flags that you apparently didn't spot.

You have had a very lucky escape. If he comes crawling back (which I suspect he will) DO NOT IN A MILLION YEARS get back together with him. He's a nasty, dangerous man. He displays every single sign of an abuser - it's so obvious that he might as well have it printed on a big badge.

I came on here to snap sense into myself that’s why I did this. I always said to him you don’t love me because people who enjoy and love someone , don’t do this to them

Sorry for asking but do you think you're autistic op? Just that you sound very similar to me at your age and I ended up with someone similar for seven years. I talked in the same way. He was incredibly good looking which didn't help. Please don't do what I did.

Her comments are trying to show you to move on from this awful man.

4 months in and it should be hearts and flowers. He’s ended it so just take that.

Come on....very much in love after 4 months? How are you? And he?

The whole relationship is a red flag.

No I am certainly not autistic

If you’re genuine, then my advice is to do some work on your self-esteem and raise your bar out of the gutter.

Channel the drive and work ethic that made you a successful entrepreneur at such a young age into your self-worth.

It’s a problem that could actually be fatal. Please please read the Lundy Bancroft book. I was like you but now I know about red flags and what is unhealthy.

He is not a good man. Value yourself and know you deserve better. Relationships should be relaxed and fun, especially in the early days. He has so much baggage and obviously quite a temper which I can imagine is just the beginning of him showing you what he’s really like. If you were my friend I’d be shaking you to see sense.

No offence but your Spag isn't great for an 'accomplished businesswoman'.

I don't think he's dumped you. It's part of his game. He'll be back for forgiveness. 4 months in it shouldn't be like this.. he's dangerous.

He'll very probably come crawling back, promising the earth but believe me, he'll deliver nothing but pain.

I was with someone very similar for 6 years and the cunt absolutely destroyed me. Your ex is also a cunt.

Oh you're going to take umbrage at me calling him a nasty name but that is what these men are like.

Your ex is showing far more red flags than mine did in the first 4 months but he still abused me in so many ways, so block him and move on for your own sake and sanity.

Block. Next. Move on

Please go no contact with this abuser.

Not one bit of this is your fault and you are best off and safest away from him.

This poster wasn't being passive aggressive. It's a bit ironic that you have told them to go away when you haven't liked their comment but have accepted being treated so poorly by your boyfriend.

when love is involved I am weak , I don’t think that’s a flaw

I haven’t been met with the best of men and relationships

Can you not see the very clear connection between these two things?

If you have a pattern of relationships with bad men and bad relationships, you absolutely do need to start seeing that weakness as a flaw and you need to learn to overcome it, because frankly if you think a man who called you a cunt, slammed on the brakes and screamed at you was 'perfect' then it won't be long before you 'fall in love' with a man who puts in you in hospital or a coffin.

I'm sorry to be so blunt but bluntness is really what you need for your own safety.

I'm guessing English is not her first language.

I wouldn’t worry, he’ll be back, he knows you can take more abuse than this as long as he tells you afterwards that you’re soulmates. He’ll make you beg for him but you don’t mind that, do you? He’s well-practiced now with two ex-wives, he knows how to get what he wants.

What will be the final straw for you to have had enough of being treated like you don’t matter? It’s only been four months and he’s already escalating. Would you drive like that, scream and shout, threaten him, endlessly dump him, like he does you? If not, why not - because if you keep taking him back you’re showing that it’s fine for him to do this. Would you want your daughter, your best friend, your sister, in a relationship like this? Surely it’s better to be single?

Four months in with my partner we were so happy and relaxed and excited to have met, planning dates and walks and trips, and it was so easy and kind. Please give yourself some kindness and stay away from men like this horrible specimen you’re describing.

I thought that too.