Needing advice on my boyfriend

[Dolly550]

Hi, so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months now. We are very much in love , well I know I am.
it hasn’t been the smoothest of starts , he likes control and likes this his way in general. If we did have a disagreement , he was immediately try to end the relationship but then come back the next day.
we got better , we started to communicate better and understand each other as that’s how things develop. I thought we were making progress , I’m a very open person , emotionally intelligent, he isn’t so much , he can be sometimes. He had told me many times that he has never felt like this for anyone , I take that with a pinch of salt. Always said how deep our connection is , called us soulmates , we did start to mention moving in as things progress , I met his sons and brother and family. He hasn’t met mine just yet because they aren’t the most positive people ever. And I wanted to make sure we were serious before meeting. Anyway literally 24 hours ago we were very much in love , cuddling, he even brought up marriage. The next morning , apparently I was in a mood. We were having a tiny dispute and he then totally flipped , slammed the breaks on the car , shouting , pointing , calling me a cunt and telling me to shut the fuck up. He has a lot of financial stress and other stresses, I was shocked and frightened and told him to calm down , he was screaming that in 4 months I’ve never added him to my life etc. even though he’s meant to be meeting my father in a few weeks. He’s now ended the relationship, said he’s never met anyone as difficult as me , that he’s had enough of me and I’m just broken and so confused. It’s constant whiplash with him and I love him very much and I know he does love me in his own weird way , he was always expressive , lovely , so in love, everything was perfect with us. But when conflict hit , he was very mean and different. I pushed him away from me in the car when he was shouting because I was frightened and he said what you going to do hit me , I said no ! He has 2 failed marriages wayyy before , that were very awful from his telling to me. I think he’s left out some details in there but I just think it’s gone from 0-100! Could I have some nice advice on here. I’m struggling with this and I never wanted us to end.

You didn't come here for advice. You wanted everyone to sympathize and say what an awful person he is (and he is!). I don't think you told us your age but you sound very young, inexperienced and naive. 4 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Write him off and work on yourself and your expectations in relationships. They shouldn't be that hard.

well then you can expect he wants to patch things up as he sees a potential money train with you plus the enjoyment of torturing you with abuse. Maybe its time to marry and move him in now? And give him your credit card, he needs a few quick items and will pay you back never.

Please don't ever communicate with him again.

Accepting abusive behaviour under the guise of 'love' (spoiler- people who genuinely love you don't treat you like shit) is definitely a flaw. I'm not victim blaming but you need to see him for what he really is. There's no love involved whatsoever.

You're not in love, you've been love bombed. Absolute madness for 4 months in. Block his number and don't engage with him ever again. If he can't even keep up his act for 4 months I dread to think that he'd be like a couple of years down the line.

OP stated she is 36

He's emotionally manipulative and abusive and you are ignoring people telling you that. He's done you a favour. Fortunately its been four months not four years.

Block. Him. Everywhere

You sound very upset.
He is aggressive and unpredictable, which are not good qualities at all.
He could have crashed the car yesterday.

Please find it in you to be grateful that he's ended it and consider doing the Freedom Programme.

And block him @Dolly550

He's not a good man and relationships shouldn't be this difficult, four months in.

I’m a very accomplished businesswoman and have properties around London

Do you think he was after your money?

One can only hope.
So many of them about these days.

Block him everywhere, and if he has a key to your place change the locks.

It absolutely is. You wouldn’t be questioning being treated this way if it wasn’t, your ‘relationship’ (at four months I’d consider it dating) would have been over before it got going.

Do you really need to ask?? Hes a disgusting abusive pig...clearly wants money and is jealous. Get out whilst you can and don't fall for the "my ex was abusive" crap. Go and find someone who you actually have fun with and who isn't calling you a cunt

If you are so emotionally aware why didn’t you run when you knew how controlling he is.

Why are you getting involved with a got nowt abusers

If money isn’t a problem why are you waiting around for a man. Have a child by sperm donor and get on with your life and stop entertaining losers

@Dolly550 apologies, I haven't read the full thread but 100% agree with the poster who said he is testing you to see how much you will put up with.

It's only been 4 months and he's behaving like this, give him another 4 and he will be using his fists.

Ditch him, do not marry, have kids or buy a house with this man.

The onlly positive I can see here is that he hasn't yet started to beat you up.

But if you stay with him, he will.

This bullshit about having broken up with you, you know is bullshit. He will be back because this is how he controls you and you are allowing him to do that by being "broken". You aren't broken. You sound about 15, so I don't know if you are capable of taking all the good advice on here but this bloke is a very abusive man and if you stay with him you will be his abuse victim.

Good luck wising up, blocking him and moving on. And yes, get yourself onto the Freedom Programme because if you even think there's a dilemma here when everyone can see there is none, you ought to end it, then you badly need that programme.

You really know what you should do - this man is emotionally (possibly physically in the future) abusing you and it will only get worse.
There are so many red flags I don’t know where to start - you can do so much better.
Walk away, preferably run! 🚩 🚩🚩

Yes you could be right. I don't know why I engage on them, honestly. X

3 months is not 'a lot'! I think you need to do some work on yourself before you get into another relationship.

His mother is not homeless is ex wife is

With all due respect, if you think you're in a healthy relationship then that is a serious flaw.

Run, run like the wind and don't look back.

He doesn't love you, he loves to control you.

Start to love yourself and have some respect for yourself. Then find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.

Good God. It's been 16 weeks, you're not 'in love'. Just go. Being screamed at and called a cunt in what is supposed to be the fun, getting-to-know-each-other phase? He has shown you who he is, very early on. That's actually quite lucky. End this toxic shit-show now.

I've recommended this book so many times:

In Control

Get it. Read it. And learn to recognise the red flags.

Be glad he has ended it, and don't take him back.

One thing I’ve learned from living 17 years with a similar creature op is that this type of behaviour is NEVER acceptable. Not even once. He’s put your life in danger, and he WILL do it again. Nice people don’t do this stuff. Have you ever terrorized a helpless person in/with your car? It’s not normal behaviour. It’s early for a display of this magnitude too so if this is still honeymoon period and he’s gone this far, he likely will become violent. Use your strength to block and stay away, I can already tell you the out come of this and you’ll be wise to cut this one loose now before he really upends your life. This is the real guy showing through. The lovebombing nice guy is the act - it’s not the other way round!

You obviously have a much younger mental and emotional age than your actual age.

When someone shows you who they really are, damn well believe them.