Needing advice on my boyfriend

[Dolly550]

Hi, so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months now. We are very much in love , well I know I am.
it hasn’t been the smoothest of starts , he likes control and likes this his way in general. If we did have a disagreement , he was immediately try to end the relationship but then come back the next day.
we got better , we started to communicate better and understand each other as that’s how things develop. I thought we were making progress , I’m a very open person , emotionally intelligent, he isn’t so much , he can be sometimes. He had told me many times that he has never felt like this for anyone , I take that with a pinch of salt. Always said how deep our connection is , called us soulmates , we did start to mention moving in as things progress , I met his sons and brother and family. He hasn’t met mine just yet because they aren’t the most positive people ever. And I wanted to make sure we were serious before meeting. Anyway literally 24 hours ago we were very much in love , cuddling, he even brought up marriage. The next morning , apparently I was in a mood. We were having a tiny dispute and he then totally flipped , slammed the breaks on the car , shouting , pointing , calling me a cunt and telling me to shut the fuck up. He has a lot of financial stress and other stresses, I was shocked and frightened and told him to calm down , he was screaming that in 4 months I’ve never added him to my life etc. even though he’s meant to be meeting my father in a few weeks. He’s now ended the relationship, said he’s never met anyone as difficult as me , that he’s had enough of me and I’m just broken and so confused. It’s constant whiplash with him and I love him very much and I know he does love me in his own weird way , he was always expressive , lovely , so in love, everything was perfect with us. But when conflict hit , he was very mean and different. I pushed him away from me in the car when he was shouting because I was frightened and he said what you going to do hit me , I said no ! He has 2 failed marriages wayyy before , that were very awful from his telling to me. I think he’s left out some details in there but I just think it’s gone from 0-100! Could I have some nice advice on here. I’m struggling with this and I never wanted us to end.

Of course it's a flaw. How could it NOT be? That's how you ended up with a bandit like him.

He doesn't love you. Stop falling for his lies and bullshit.

What a horrible man. Do you really want this for yourself ?

I don't think PP's comment was aggressive or unhelpful at all, quite the contrary. The relationship sounded toxic and abusive already (after only 4 months!!!). You really dodged a bullet as he sounds aggressive, then the love bombing, then messing up with your head, none of that sounds good for you. Advice: lick your wound, block him and never contact him again, and go to therapy to help you spot red flags and abusive men so you can protect yourself better. ❤️‍🩹

Cut this male out of your life.

The 2 of you are completely incompatible. (not sure anyone could want to live with him tbh)

He’s had 2 prervious wives, now you properly know why those women had to leave him!

Good luck, have a wonderful time not being shouted at & frightened.

Listen to @Pollqueen she's right!! I've been in your shoes OP. Forget him and don't go back or you'll regret it. It gets worse not better. He's showing you who he is.

You've dodged a bullet OP he has so many red flags going!

OP, with the best will in the world why are you referring to yourself as emotionally intelligent, because as far as this situation goes, you are a million miles away from fitting that description ?

This man fits every descriptor for controlling, coercive and abusive and yet you’re making every excuse you can think of for his behaviour. He displayed controlling traits from the start and you ignored them. He’s been married twice before and you fell hook line and sinker for his story that in both cases his wives were the problem, not him. And now you’re experiencing the kind of behaviour that probably ended those two marriages, and you’re STILL making excuses for him.

You are not going to get ‘nice’ advice here. Know why ? Because you’re talking to women who have been there, done it and are done with it. You’ll get good, sound advice based on those womens’ experiences, which is invariably that men like this don’t change, and the likelihood is that the behaviour you’re experiencing now at four months in, is a fraction of the shite his wives have put up with before they’ve called it a day. Be glad he’s ended it. Accept that you’ve had a lucky escape and move on, because I can 100% assure you that if you take up with him again this will only get worse.

Tolerating being treated like absolute shit by a man you’ve known a few weeks is a flaw and a huge vulnerability.
It’s not victim blaming as he’s the cunt here but it’s worth having therapy or doing the freedom programme as to why you accepted this abuse.

I’m worried that the OP see’s this as agressive but not what he’s doing as aggressive.

Hmm I’m thinking it’s half term and it’s another in the long list of nonsensical threads that appear to be written by a 12 year old that always pop in in the school holidays

Congratulations on enjoying the rest of your life without this person in it.

Thank your lucky stars that you now have a much clearer view of what an abusive man looks and sounds like. File it away with your” emotional intelligence”.

Here are some 🚩🇰🇬🇨🇳🇲🇦🇧🇻🇨🇭🇮🇲so you recognise them next time. Four months is nothing btw, living the rest of your life without him is worth this blip.

Well I had met his mother and spoke to his mother and of course he’s probably fed her the same stuff.
but the mother had said to she didn’t like his 2 exes that he married and had kids with

I'd see this as another red flag tbh, you've only just met his mother and she's slagging off his exes .

Has he ever mentioned anything he did in his previous marriages which may have contributed to the divorces or did he just happen to marry toxic abusive women who are all to blame? I’m not surprised this is his narrative these sorts of men have the same story, they are to blame the women were horrible he is the victim. While he is screaming at you calling you terrible names, scaring you. 🤔 he’s an awful person and the sooner you’re away from him the better. You’re not in love after 4 months, and if you are love won’t save you from this man.
Oh and you know how he hasn’t got any money but you have money? Yeah, he will want that money.

Not the least bit aggressive and spot on for your situation. You’re talking to women with lived experience as to how a relationships with men like this eventually pan out. If you're not prepared to take that on board, why on earth have you posted ?

You say his usual behaviour if he doesn’t get what he wants is to end the relationship and then come creeping back the next day. Well I’m sticking my neck out to say that as soon as this arsehole knocks on your door again you’ll be back together. And if you do, l’ll bet the farm that in a year or two you’ll be posting here because you’re trapped in a relationship with a physically and emotionally abusive shitbag, expected to be mother to his kids, and probably with a couple of kids to him into the bargain.

Sorry, but I stopped reading at "4 months" and "hasn't been the smoothest of starts". Five minutes into a relationship everything should still be wonderful. A relationship shouldn't be remotely rock this early on. Get rid and stay rid.

With the greatest of respects OP you are 16 weeks in. 16 weeks.
The man is a control freak whose love bombed you.
I would be running a mile from a man who introduced me to his children 12 weeks in. Poor children

“Taking it slow and steady”. Well you certainly fitted a whole lot of emotional angst and drama into those four months of “slow and steady” didn’t you!

I think we are all thankful and relieved that you didn’t rush headfirst into a more permanent relationship with this twice married, emotionally abusive, potentially physically abusive and aggressive man who comes with so much luggage he would need a cargo plane to fly on holiday. Hope you didn’t tell his homeless mum she could move into one of your properties.

Maybe get your emotional brakes checked over, they don’t seem to be working.

Gosh.....you have London properties and he is broke......I wonder why he wants to get married so quickly!

He wants to take your wealth and have you as a broken carer to his kids/sex provider, and he doesn't even have the self-restraint to keep the loving mask on consistently for four months to help him achieve it - the second you sign on the line he won't bother being loving at all and will just "train" you into fear and submission full time until you eventually snap and leave like the others did (at which point he will be vindictive and screw you in the divorce).

He has dumped you - amazing! Take him at his word! Block him!
You could be on a dating app tonight and out with someone else who isn't going to trap you in DV by Sunday night.

Wow, what an utterly shocking parent he is. The mothers of his children are this bad and he hasn’t gone to court to get full access???? That is absolutely fucking awful of him.

It’s been four months!! This is a toxic mess and your delusion in claiming you have been taking it slow, acting maturely and demonstrating superior emotional intelligence shows you are not as “evolved” as you imagine you are.

is he neurodivergent by any chance? Stay clear just purely because of the control thing but equally the abuse, wtf is he thinking! Do not let any man abuse you even verbally, get rid, what sort of life will you have with this guy!?

get as far away from this man as fast as you can. This is doomed, sorry.

He’s now ended the relationship, said he’s never met anyone as difficult as me , that he’s had enough of me and I’m just broken and so confused

I'm not sure what advice you really need then? You were seeing each other for 4 months, you didn't want to introduce him to your family as you weren't sure he was "the one" and now he's ended it.

What advice is there to give?

I assume therefore that one of his stresses is that he has full custody of these children?

Because if she's so bad, he would have fought tooth and nail to protect them, wouldn't he?

Or.... did he giv eyou the usual bullshit story about how he couldn't do anything, and the courts don't protect dads and he has no choice.

This man is truly awful and is pretty clearly a covert /vulnerable narcissist. How much money are you giving him, directly or indirectly? Is he living in your house yet or you paying his bills?