N/C for this. Apologies, it's long. A few months ago, I received a message from a man that I used to have a casual relationship with years ago. We went our separate ways as friends, with no issues, sent Happy Birthday/Christmas texts etc. He asked how I was doing after my illness? I have breast cancer (3 years post op) and have undergone surgery and reconstruction, radiotherapy etc and I'm still receiving adjuvant therapy. We went for a drink and had a brilliant time. I asked if he was seeing anyone, he said no, he'd been single for years and lived alone. Didn't meet again for a while as I was ill. Texted frequently. We talked about everything including sex, we always had amazing sex; we were both majorly into kink and were very compatible. I told him I had been celibate since my surgery, and I was feeling vulnerable about my scars. We talked about it and he was understanding, kind and reassuring. He said all the right things. We had sex numerous times, and it was amazing.
Now, to last Saturday. He said he was going to a gig with his daughter and her girlfriend. He said the small venue was unusual, a tattoo/barbers' and bar combined. It sounded interesting, so I looked it up. There was a video of Saturday's gig, and you guessed it; there he was with his girlfriend/fiancée/wife. I felt physically sick. I would never have had any contact with him if I had known he was in a relationship. I feel incredibly sorry for his partner. She thinks she is in a happy, monogamous relationship with a man who loves her. Instead, he's sexting, sending explicit photos, and having kinky sex with another woman. Everything he told me was a lie. I have known this man for decades and considered him a friend. He knows what cancer has done to me, physically and emotionally yet lied to me so he could have the type of sex he really enjoys. I have thought about telling his partner but don't know if it's the right thing to do. The stress is awful and I feel guilty because I believed everything he told me. In addition, I found out today my last mammogram showed abnormalities and now I need a biopsy to find out if my cancer has returned. I feel defeated by life and used by a man I trusted.