Sensitive Topic- Boyfriend told me he’s attracted to minors

[MorrisHer]

I’m aware I’m going to be ripped to shreds for this post and I probably deserve it but I’ve figured I couldn’t feel worse than I do already and if just one person can find it within themselves to hold my hand and offer me the tiniest bit of kindness and safe advice it will be worthwhile.
So I was married for 29 years, two grown up children. Met a guy who seemed like the full package, kind, warm and gentle.
Ex husband stated he wanted the house sold but insisted on moving in in the interim period as he had nowhere else to go so .. bf asked me to move in with him after a few months so I accepted, albeit all a bit rushed things seemed to go ok.
You know the saying if some thing seems too good to be true it usually is? …well
When we were out and about I steadily noticed he was checking out girls, like it wasn’t something I imagined .. it was a real vile gut instinct I’d had for a while.
During a recent argument I raised it with him and he made the foulest admission he was sexually attracted to teenage girls and often as a single man he was drive home from work and masturbate thinking about them.
He said he would never act upon those feelings as in harm them in any way but surely this admission IS a form of harm isnt it??
This man is 63 years old!! I’m sickened to the very core and sometimes I don’t feel I can go on .. he seemed a nice guy .. he has his flaws but never in a million years did I think he was that man!
I need to move out but I’m still waiting to sell my house and I have huge debts and apart from pitching a tent on the marsh nearby my housing options are limited so I’m biding my time til my house sells …
Please understand I’m a good person, a decent person with strong morals and this has destroyed me … please help!

What have his vile thoughts got to do with you?

It seems like you are feeling guilt for his problems

You know you have to leave, what more can anyone tell you

It’s no reflection on you op
we can’t read minds or use a crystal ball
he’s disgusting

Why would you deserve to be ripped to shreds? It's not your fault that your bf turned out to be a disgusting pervert. Just carry on with moving out asap.

Do you have any friends you could stay with instead? Or one of your adult children?

Exactly this.

Honestly why don't you move back in with your XH. Then you don't have to see the bastard again.

I'm sorry but if you say you have limited options atm as regard housing that means you must have some options, even if they are less than ideal.
This situation is not your fault but you really need to remove yourself from this man.

He is in his 60s and has a whole life time behind him and you have absolutely no idea whether he has acted on his disgusting fantasies in the past .

Because he’s a monster too.

I'm not sure why you feel guilty or bad

You now know his secret. If this were me I would:

• report what he's said to the police
• move out immediately
• stop using the excuse about selling the house, and move back into your property with XH until it sells
• never see the paedo boyfriend again

Job done

Edit - I've just seen XH is a monster

• move into rented accommodation or with a friend
• don't date or marry again until you've sorted your choosing of men

This isn't your fault. You had no idea, his admission has blindsided you. It must feel absolutely devastating.

Get away from him asap and do not in any way let yourself be persuaded into staying, or allow him to exploit the fact that you are in a difficult situation financially to persuade you it's ok to stay. Men like this often minimise their feelings, thoughts and actions and try to convince others it's not that bad because I've never acted on it, it's "just" looking at images, they need a safe outlet, etc. He is a paedophile, plain and simple, no matter how benign he thinks what he is doing is. And do not let any friends or family who have DC visit you with their DC while you are having to stay there.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and please do not blame yourself for his vileness.

God men are so monstrous. That is so so disgusting, why would he even say it out loud. What a fucking piece of shit.

Have you ran a Sarah’s law on him?

id rather stay with a friend or a hostel than stay with him.

Don’t talk such utter crap!!! What a ridiculous post! I’m going through utter hell and was asking for advice.. I’m a good person , a mother .. a decent woman.. what this * revealed has made me feel I need to scrub myself clean perpetually… do one!

Are you able to stay with your children until the house sells? Or friends? How long to wait, is the house on the market?
Please be kind to yourself. Think of yourself lucky, lucky escape and now you know what he's made of. Please too, spend the next few years just concentrating on you, don't make any plans with any men, just build yourself a calm nice life, sounds like you badly need time out from tossers.
Sending hugs.

Ps - report him to the police once out.

Come at me with your Temu psychology degree all you like because this is genuine .. go and bully someone else.Reported.

Is this the same idiot you were dating in november last year who commented about hair colour and you had been with for 4 months?
Anyway, reported the twatty comment from Myteise.

I wish I could but they have their own lives and I wouldn’t want to burden them… thank you for your kind words … they mean a lot

Strange thread. I'd just steer clear of men if I was you op.

Grey rock him. Completely. Then when it's over with, never speak to him again and remove him from your life

I don’t think it’s particularly unusual, especially for his age range - during his youth it was legal for eg Katie Price to be topless on magazines aged 16 and it’s not like we don’t all know that ‘teen’ is a popular porn category. We like to imagine most men grow out of this… but I highly doubt that. There’s lots of evidence that many men would go younger than 18 if they were able to. Schoolgirl fetish costumes for example… and weren’t we all catcalled as young teens ourselves? Men have basically been sold the idea that only very young women are sexy and beautiful just like women are essentially taught that they become unattractive as the age. Some men take that further and want girls as well as young women. It’s why people aren’t particularly surprised by Epstein / Prince Andrew… rock bands having ‘baby groupies’ in the 60s/70s… the rich going for teenage girls was never a shock to anyone.

It’s nothing for YOU to be ashamed of that your bloke ended up being a perv who hadn’t evolved past this.

Staying with your kids short time might be an option OP. Don't worry about burdening them, have you asked /spoken to them about this?

I would be concerned for your own safety potentially. Not sure if I read it correctly, but you said he would masturbate while driving? If that is the case, that is predatory behaviour, who knows what he is capable of. He may see you as a threat in terms of hiding his secret? Would a women's refuge be an option in that case? I agree with others this behaviour needs to be reported once you are safe.

This. First thought in most people’s mind is surely contact the police!

I find it odd that he was comfortable telling you. Like maybe he thought you would be ok with it? Or maybe men are just so ok with being into school girls that he's not ashamed... this makes me think he is dangerous and is testing waters..

I would deffo tell the police anonymously. Give them his car reg.

You're making a lot of excuses for why you can't move out. I'm sure one of your adult children wouldn't mind you staying, until you can figure something else out.