How do I (23f) navigate dating a man (30m) I don’t have physical attraction for?

[Enchilada39]

Matched with a guy whose values, personality, and emotional tone are everything I’m looking for long‑term. We’ve been talking for a week and Im really interested in pursuing it.
The issue: I dont find his pictures physically attractive at all. I’m terrified of disappointing him. Is it “leading him on” to pursue this? How do I navigate this?

Have you met with him in person yet?

Meet him in real life?

Actually meet him before you decide!

Why are you bothering? If you don't fancy him, that's fine, I don't see why you'd try and push through, particularly with you being so young. You've only been chatting a week, he's a stranger, just let it go.

No we havent met yet. We’ve been talking a lot through text and on the phone for a week. He lives in another state. He seems to be everything Ive been looking for…except looks

Meet in person as quickly as possible and see how you feel after 2 dates. You might feel differently then, or you might not.

This. Stop trying to force it.

Go and meet him, and see how you feel. If you don’t feel any attraction then don’t pursue a relationship.

Worst case scenario, you might gain a nice friend?

Go on a date.

If there is chemistry, shared values and humour and you find him attractive, arrange another date.

If you don't find him attractive for whatever reason, move on.

So you’ve been messaging for one week and never met and you’re not attracted to him.

Ask him for a drink for sometime in the next three days then stop messaging until the day of the drink.

I need to know - why did you swipe right on him?

You havent met....
He might be lying, he might not be photogenic...

Go on a few dates and bin him off if you arent feeling it.

You should meet up. Then if definitely no attraction but you like his personality say you think you'd be better suited as friends.

But he may come off attractive in real life, as it's not just about how someone looks in a static photograph. It's their confidence, character, sometimes certain expressions they make are attractive. Their aura, their positivity, their emotional intelligence.

I was just thinking the same. You can’t force this. It’s not all about pictures but it sounds like there’s nothing appealing there for you at all, so let it go.

Maybe find someone closer to you?

Stop internet dating and go out and meet some real people.

You’re in the US?

’Another state’ - if it’s going to involve a huge effort to meet, then is a meeting even worth pursuing?

It is possible to find men attractive based on their personality and not their appearance if the chemistry exists between you. There is no way to know until you meet him in person

How do I navigate this?
It's obvious meet up.

You can't know unless you've met in person. People can look totally different in a photo to real life. It could be a 'good' or 'bad' photo. The way they move, smile, hold themselves in real life all make a difference.

Also, people who appear 'attractive' at first can quickly become less atrractive once you know them, and vice versa. ie personality affects attractiveness. A man who is funny, interested, kind, open-minded etc becomes more attractive (to me at least).

What do you mean by ‘you’re terrified of disappointing him’ ? Do you mean if you meet and don’t fancy him, then you’ll feel bad about it? Firstly - don’t worry about it, that’s what first dates are all about, obviously you don’t always fancy each other, but secondly, that’s kinda arrogant - what if he doesn’t fancy you either?

Just tell him you don't feel enough attraction to carry on wish him the best and dont reply or explain further.

You are 23, the world is your oyster. You don't need to settle for a 7 year difference and nice personality.

Im guessing you shared secrets and talked about deep stuff..
Even then it doesnt matter, guys will engage with emotional talk for sex later. He will be fine.

This sounds like you are setting yourself up for an arranged marriage - how grim.

Meet up, see if there's any chemistry, and if not, move on.

I met a guy about a year ago. We get on well, he is objectively good-looking, his values etc are all sound. On paper, he is everything I want (I'm sure he's not , everyone has faults, but what I do know of him, he's just right...) And there is no chemistry. We're still in touch as friends, but we aren't dating, because I just can't imagine being in bed with him.

It's what dating is about, to see if you like someone.

Of course I know he might not like me, but he told me all this stuff about he hasnt been loved before by a girl, and how i seem like the only nice person he has ever met. And I like him a lot, I just dont want to be that surface-level person who breaks up over his looke.