How do I (23f) navigate dating a man (30m) I don’t have physical attraction for?

[Enchilada39]

Matched with a guy whose values, personality, and emotional tone are everything I’m looking for long‑term. We’ve been talking for a week and Im really interested in pursuing it.
The issue: I dont find his pictures physically attractive at all. I’m terrified of disappointing him. Is it “leading him on” to pursue this? How do I navigate this?

That's the whole point of a date in person. To see if you'd like to have another date, or not. (Just seen update...apologies OP.) Anyone who enjoys hurting and killing animals would be an absolute no for me, let alone all the rest. Better luck in future OP.

Oh you totally did the right thing, and be glad he is 10 hours away. And don’t worry about him being angry or upset, you don’t have to manage his emotions.
I do think these texts moved way too fast for someone you don’t know and have not met, and this kind of thing should be a red flag for you in future. It takes time to get to know someone. And there is a possessiveness, and also setting you up that he will gaslight you (say one thing and apparently mean another), being stupid if you are not happy with an answer he gives to an upset, with a good dose of emotional manipulation thrown in (pity me, nobody loves me - hmm, I wonder why?) and doing down women generally disguised as praising you (‘you are probably the first nice lady I have met in a long time’ - probably many perfectly nice women cross his path but they don’t give him what he wants - this one sets you up in thinking, oh, I want to keep this ‘nice’ tag and not be horrible like all the others).
Don’t blame yourself here, it’s a learning curve and better learn after a week or so than once you are actually married and living ten hours from your home town. It’s good that the alarm signals went off in your brain before you met him.

I met a younger guy a good 13 years ago now. We worked together, he was nothing spectacular, not memorable, just someone I'd see around the office. He used to come and go early, never hung out in the vicinity, so rather dull all round

I was asked to organise some work drinks for my division one Christmas, and he turned up. Kept me in drinks all night and we had a really good chat, didn't seem like there were 100 staff around us in the same venue. We were at a few events together over the next 6mths with our contact slowly increasing and he had all the things I would admire in a partner other than being older and my physical type. But time, kindness, his comedy, all the things that internally made him him, made him more attractive every day. Within 6 mths we were dating. Another 8mths in we were expecting our first child. Moved in together with his mum just before DS was born, moved out on our own when expecting DS2. Rented for a couple of years before buying our own house together. Got married last year and still living the dream.

Meet the guy, spend some time with him. See if that connection grows or whether you just have a really good friends with values you can't pass up. My husband is my bestie and when I look back, I can't believe how I could hace easily let him go by and continued picking wrong'uns. 'My type' wasn't my type at all. He was the one all along and were still very much in love and kookie together.

If, however, you get a monthly or two down the line and your cringing when you kiss him, can't see yourself jumping into bed with him. Tell him you dont see a developing romantic connection but you'd like [insert type of relationship here].

Well done dumping this loser Op, you've had a lucky escape. His grammar is shit too.

His terrible grammar would put him straight on to the Dump List for me.
🤣

Yeah the implication from him being that women aren't allowed to be disatisfied with the answer men give and should just put up with his bs and shut up.

Men implying women are always the issue or appearing to have a chip on their shoulder about women are telling you they hate women. Even if they are nice to YOU. This won't last. You'll fall off the exception pedestal and they'll punish you for it. And why should date anyone who hates women anyway?

I had one like that briefly. Was lovely to me and he never spoke ill of his exs or anything like that BUT i started to notice subtle things. Like one day he praised his little nephew but called his niece annoying and stupid in the same sentence. Then there were the 'women stereotype' comments ('don't know what they want' etc), always jokingly, but still. And finally he mentioned that he enjoyed provoking 'terfs' online. That was enough for me to call it a day. I just hah had such a growing sense of unease. And I felt such relief when I did so I'm glad I trusted my gut. I don't care if you're nice to me if you mean my fellow woman harm or there's an undercurrent of mysoginy. Like, that's never going to end well.

Someone once said on Mumsnet 'never marry someone you think it would be hell to divorce'. And I think that applies to other areas too. If you think the person would be nasty if you broke up with them or make things difficult then don't get into a relationship with them. Mysoginists definitely count there. As do people who don't appear to have any introspection (eg: always blame everyone else for their problems or behaviours).

You’ve dodged a massive bullet there OP well done ! He sounds unhinged tbh

You don’t? If your not attracted to him then it clearly won’t work?

Try reading the whole thread.
Or at least the OP's posts.......