How do I (23f) navigate dating a man (30m) I don’t have physical attraction for?

[Enchilada39]

Matched with a guy whose values, personality, and emotional tone are everything I’m looking for long‑term. We’ve been talking for a week and Im really interested in pursuing it.
The issue: I dont find his pictures physically attractive at all. I’m terrified of disappointing him. Is it “leading him on” to pursue this? How do I navigate this?

You must have heard of mirroring, aka telling you want you want to hear.

Your alarm bells should be ringing that you’re oh so similar. And also that he doesn’t know any nice people. Is he a criminal?

Looks aside, I'd be very suspicious of a 30 year old man telling me I was the only nice girl he'd ever met and no girl had ever loved him. That's pretty immature thinking from a man his age, and suggests he has criteria for 'nice girl' that may be unrealistic, and a blame of women for 'not loving him' rather than, he's never found a good fit. You shouldn't be worried about disappointing him, and it's a red flag that he's said things that make you feel this is your problem.
Add to that you don't find him attractive, and I would give him a miss.

I’m old so I’ve never had to OD but if I did I wouldn’t waste time talking on the phone - there are lots of nutters and catfishers online.

Simply - meet up in a safe public place early on to verify they are who they say they are and that they’re sane. Go from there.

Meet him. His personality might make you fancy him. I was chatting to a guy online a few years ago and I wasn’t sure I fancied him based on his photos, but he has great chat. I met him and wasn’t blown away by his looks, but he was so funny, witty and generally just had great chat, that by the end of the date I really felt a connection and couldn’t wait to see him again. We kissed on it second date and then went on to date for 8 months. Give him a try!

Babe it has been A WEEK.

Are you alright in the attic?

I know you'll be caught up in the moment but please please take a step back and think what would you think of you're friend was telling you all of this.

I agree with everyone else for what it's worth I'd probably stop talking to him, my thoughts aside if you're stressed/nervous/worried when you've only been speaking for a week that's not a good sign. You should be excited and have the new romance butterflies.

Because he's love bombing you.

There's nothing real about this guy. You're not getting to know him, you're getting to know a persona he's crafting specifically to try and reel you in. You won't get to meet the real him until it's too late.

You don't need to stress, just stop talking to him, and find someone you actually like and fancy, closer to your own age. There's a reason this 20 year old is hitting on women so much younger than him

He started talking about what things should happen during the dating phase to lead to marriage. It’s getting serious and I'm stressing

Whoa

He's nuts. The reason all your values align is because he's made sure he says the right things to you, to reel you in.

Nobody talks about marriage before they've even met.

Block him. Seriously, just cut this off before you even start.

Erm don't go anywhere near the creep. Block and forget jesus christ!

he told me all this stuff about he hasnt been loved before by a girl, and how i seem like the only nice person he has ever met.

He said started talking about what things should happen during the dating phase to lead to marriage. It’s getting serious and Im stressing

Unless this is some kind of restrictive religious/cultural dating where marriage is intended to be the end game, I'd cut and run now. Even if it is, I'd still cut and run.

Have you read all of OP's posts?

Maybe instead simply go for a man who is your ideal type physically, but nothing you would be seeking as a long term match ?

Suggest you meet him first. That might change your feeling.

It also works both ways.

You seriously think she should meet this creep off the Internet?

Come on OP, wake up.

You can't tell anything from photos and texting, wait till you meet him.

I completely agree with the mirroring thing.

OP men are the nicest people in the world at first and will say anything you want to hear.

You say he’s in a different state - how far is this from you?

I would never be with someone u don’t find physically attractive.
But depending on how unattractive you find him would help me decide my next steps.

I would meet (in a public space) and see how it goes.

After only talking for a week you don’t really know each other but you seem to think he’s a good match - I’m not sure you can tell that within a week.

You're too young to settle like OP ditch him

Oh no! He sounds creepy! Talking marriage ? Tell him ''NO''!

Lots of red flags, block and move on.

This is such an ick.

You can’t like each other a lot you don’t know each other.

Stop having such high expectations over a complete stranger.

If you don’t find him physically attractive, if physical attraction is important to you, then don’t pursue this. You’ll be wasting yours and his time.

I’m shallow, so my first thought was “I wouldn’t bother if I don’t find him even slightly attractive”.

But reading your follow up posts about him? Cut and run!

This! Why the age gap OP? Don’t settle

My advice was going to be meet him in person before deciding but actually the more you post, the more obvious it is that he’s a walking red flag. Run a mile.

Sounds like a stalker! “Hasn’t been loved by a girl before” - you don’t love him either, you’ve sent him a couple of texts and he is already telling you that you are the only woman he’s ever loved??

Run away. Oh, you don’t need to, because you already live nowhere near him.

I do sometimes wonder about some of these Reddit-style posts - surely nobody is this gormless in real life?