How do I (23f) navigate dating a man (30m) I don’t have physical attraction for?

[Enchilada39]

Matched with a guy whose values, personality, and emotional tone are everything I’m looking for long‑term. We’ve been talking for a week and Im really interested in pursuing it.
The issue: I dont find his pictures physically attractive at all. I’m terrified of disappointing him. Is it “leading him on” to pursue this? How do I navigate this?

Good grief, he’s seen you coming from a mile off!

You really are very young and clearly quite naive if you believe that guff. He’s obviously spinning you a tale to hook you in. Please don’t fall for it.

Stop worrying about dating for now and just go out and meet new people of both sexes and focus on enjoying yourself. You’ve got years to find a mate. I didn’t meet DH until my late 30’s.

I would find that kind of talk such a turn off regardless of his looks. It sounds a bit manipulative as well.

This …… he’s guilt tripping you into meeting him. I would leave it OP personally BUT if you do want to give him the benefit of the doubt then just go for a coffee nothing heavy. Don’t feel bad for hurting his feelings tbh this is what OLD is about you’ve got to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince !

he told me all this stuff about he hasnt been loved before by a girl, and how i seem like the only nice person he has ever met.

There's no way I would meet this weirdo.

he told me all this stuff about he hasnt been loved before by a girl, and how i seem like the only nice person he has ever met.

Run away from the red flags.

Did he actually use the word ‘girl’ rather than woman?
🤮

Yeah, because he's lying and telling you want to hear.

He's a creepy fucker, and you don't even fancy him. Why are you pursuing this?

You’re 23, you’re still so young! Much, much too young to settle for someone who isn’t everything you want. Fancying someone matters hugely. He can lie about his values to match yours, he can make himself into anyone he wants to online, he can’t change how he looks. And you don’t find that part of him attractive, so move on.

Just don’t bother. At your age, surely it’s better to meet people naturally rather than via dating sites?

Don't settle for less when you're so young and can do better. You shouldn't worry about disappointing men.

At your age you need to be meeting people in real life. Go out, be social, see what happens.

Oh for goodness sake just go and meet him, in a neutral place - if you don’t like him after that then just go home and never contact him again. It’s not difficult.

Honestly it sounds like he's telling you what you want to hear.

The age gap on its own wouldn't bother me, I met DH when we were 21/30 but we talked honestly. Values were pretty solidly aligned except for small things that we discussed (which we got into after the initial dates, not before). Interests and stuff we differed on in some places, matched in others.

No two people are exactly the same or feel the exact same way as each other, it's concerning that he's saying exactly the right stuff to draw you in.

Sometimes someone's looks are misleading, you may find that in person he is attractive, cheeky grin, smiling eyes, quirky look that grows on you. You really have to meet him before you judge him. Do it soon so you aren't leading him on if you can't get past his looks.

You don't even know him, so what is there to navigate?

If you're 'weirdly aligned' he could be saying what he thinks you want to hear.

My advice, don’t meet him. Firstly, it’s online dating, anything he ‘says’ I would take with a large pinch of salt’. Secondly, if ‘leading him on’ or thinking you might come across as shallow are concerns for you then I would worry that you might be manipulated into continuing with someone you are not attracted to. Feeling sorry for someone is a terrible basis for a relationship, he sounds full on and that would concern me.

He just asked me last night how I thought it was going, and I said I thought we were having good conversation and I was still interested in talking. He said started talking about what things should happen during the dating phase to lead to marriage. It’s getting serious and Im stressing

It's not getting serious because you haven't met him.

If you don't fancy him and it's moving faster than you're comfortable with...stop. You could just block him and he'd never be able to speak to you again.

Oh ffs block him. Get out in the world and meet people in person. He's a controlling, manipulative twat.

OP please listen to PP. There are red flags slapping you on both cheeks.
He sounds manipulative and a tad creepy. He is very likely telling you what you want to hear.
Add to the main red flags, the fact that he is 7 years older (significant at your age)in a different state, and not physically attractive to you, and there is really only one sensible move. Move on.
He already has you concerned about upsetting him 🚩🚩🏃🏃🚩🚩

It's been a week and you haven't even met, and he's talking about marriage?

I revoke my earlier advice about just meeting and seeing if there's chemistry. Just run!

Op he's a stranger online, you owe him precisely fuck all.

Throw this one back.

Either meet him next week for real.
Or quit now

You don’t. You find someone closer in age that you are attracted to.