NC for this, though I am a long term poster. I don’t want this to be linked to any of my previous threads or comments just whilst I work through my feelings.
This evening whilst we were eating tea, watching some documentary, I said something as a joke - I honestly can’t remember what I said - and my DP grabbed my wrist and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed. I’m slim, and my wrist is easily wrapped in his entire hand.
I immediately said ow, because it was hurting so much, and tried to pull my arm free which granted may have made it hurt more. I said “ow, ow ow you’re really hurting me ow, ow” before he finally let go.
I said “that hurt so much” and when I looked at my wrist, I could see a red mark (I think that part will bruise) where his thumb was pressing in as well as 3 red lines from where his fingers were squeezing in.
DP got up to take the plates in to the kitchen, and I sat quietly. Usually I am completely non frontational and in the past (previous relationships) I wouldn’t ever mention it again. However, I told him that really hurt. He said he was joking. I pointed out the bruise mark and said you don’t hurt someone that much, squeeze them to the point of bruising, just as a joke. He said he squeezed my hand harder than that upstairs earlier (no memory of this from me) and I said no, you have never hurt me like that.
I wasn’t getting anywhere so I came upstairs. DP eventually came up and said “give me a kiss then”, I said “no, I don’t want to give you a kiss when you’ve hurt me like that”. He said “whatever then”, and went downstairs in a mood.
Now I’m sat in the bath just thinking it over. I don’t know if I have overreacted - I was previously in a physically abusive relationship, my ex partner went to prison and then killed himself with a note admitting his abuse, so I am conscious this may skew my reaction to this incident this evening. My DP knows all of this.
My DP otherwise is the kindest, caring man. He does everything for me, he’s like a big soft teddy bear and until this evening I wouldn’t have thought he’d ever hurt me. I’m spiralling because we’ve just booked the last supplier for our wedding, it’s just a waiting game now, and I’m scared this is the top of a slippery slope down back into abuse. But that could be my past experiences talking.
Until now, I’ve never had an issue like this with DP. But I can’t get over the fact he not only could physically hurt me in such a way to bruise (again, maybe I’m overreacting) but also his reaction - before this, I’d have thought if he’d ever accidentally hurt me he’d have been mortified and try make it right. But instead tonight, he’s downstairs sulking and somehow I’m in the wrong for speaking up and telling me he hurt me, he hasn’t even apologised and I’m not sure he thinks he even needs to.
I’m maybe judging this too much based on my past abuse, but is this normal? Was it just playful and I’ve blown it up, maybe he’s embarrassed. I don’t know if I should be waiting for an apology or making an apology. My arm hurts and I’m sad to even be writing this thread.