I am not able to do any wedding preparations right now.

[FranBaby]

Can I get some advice please. I am engaged to a fantastic man. We don't have any dates set as of yet. He is a good person. He wasn't sto move ahead and view venues and book a date. He booked a viewing for this week without even consulting with me. If he asked me I would have said not right now. You see I am dealing with a lot of crap.

1. my work is being a pain in the f*cking ass. Simple as that. I will be lucky if I am even allowed a day off this week. I am scheduled for Monday to Friday work as per usual but I am required to stay late on Wednesday night and Friday night. I am required to attend a first day training on Saturday morning. Then go back into work on Saturday evening a do a live in stint into Sunday. So I don't even get a day off.

I am exploring changing jobs into factory work because I can't keep going on like this.

2). My mother is aging and there is a lot of executive functioning issues happening with her. There are so many things and it's all so stressful.

Then there are some other things too. Me and my partner we work two very different schedules. I typically work Monday to Friday. He works in a bar. So whenever I do get days off, they never fall on his days off. Also we don't sleep together any more and sexual intimacy is gone.

He booked a viewing for Friday morning thinking I would be off and I am not and he never consulted with me. I am facing a weekend of exhaustion from my work.

You can’t pour from an empty cup OP. For goodness sake put yourself first for once! Your needs matter! You are allowing this situation. Stop doing overtime, stop doing so much for your mother, tell your fiancé you need time out from making any decisions whatsoever until you’ve restored your strength and equilibrium.

In other words, take control of your own life.

There was something else. She shoved her solicitors letter over to me and began shouting at me. She shouted - don't take pictures of it - I didn't even have my phone in my hand and I wasn't even thinking about that. I don't know where that came from. She then began shouting don't tell anyone before moving onto a rant about her ex husband. It was an outburst of crazy. It wasn't right or normal. ChatGPT called it emotional dysregulation.

i haven’t read the whole thread OP, just your posts and a few of the responses. So sorry, it sounds really tough. I think you’ve had some good advice about your relationship and I hope you manage to find a better job with decent conditions soon.

I wanted to comment about your mother’s symptoms though. The list includes a lot of things my mother did (eg she used to take my clothes and wear them, couldn’t work out how to use common household items any more, and was utterly horrible to me and my Dad, I assume because she was so scared and confused about what was happening to her and she felt safe taking it out on us). She had some mild memory problems as well, but kept passing the memory tests that her GP gave her. She also had problems with her eyesight. Was told it was cataracts and had one operated on, but it didn’t solve the issue. So we seemed to be at a dead end when it came to getting any help.

Eventually she had a collapse and was taken to hospital and scanned, and we finally got a diagnosis of normal pressure hydrocephalus. Treatable if caught early enough, but hers wasn’t so that was that. She spent the next 6 years in a nursing home, bed bound, before she died 😢.

So, just to say I totally understand what you’re saying about struggling to get help for her. When someone isn’t presenting with common symptoms it’s often dismissed. The hydrocephalus can be caused by a head injury, although we weren’t aware that Mum had suffered one, so we don’t know what caused it. But it might be worth asking her doctor if it could be that, especially if your mother did ever have a bump to the head.

You need to be honest with him. You’re hiding a lot from him - maybe not intentionally- but you need to be straight with him and give him the picture of your life before getting married.

Sounds like he’s excited to move forward and you’re going to destroy him if you keep putting him off without explanation.

Please stay off ChatGPT, it isn't actually helping you with what may be wrong with your mother. It's causing you more worry as you think you know what it is, but it could be something totally different, if not just who she is.

I read you said you told him you're busy on Friday so you can't go. Did you say it was work? Or just busy. That makes a huge difference.

It sounds like he's keen to get married or at least by visiting a venue have something solid to think about. Being engaged is about preparing for marriage.

The lack of intimacy at this stage in your relationship is worrying, unless neither of you ever enjoy sex and you're both happy being in a non physical relationship. If that's not the case, you need to talk. Are you looking to get married just because you've been together ages and you share a home and you get on well? That's not enough for most people and it's sad.

Things with your mother sound challenging. Do you have any other support for her from family or social services? Does her GP know the situation? It's unsustainable for you to be her carer and work 7 days a week (which also sounds completely unsustainable).

I think it sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your mum so you know where you're at. e.g. you can go over on a Sunday to share a meal and meal prep for the week, you can visit for two hours on a Wednesday to help with household chores and top up groceries. Is she struggling with money? Do you manage her finances? Does she need that in place e.g. you as her executor giving her a set allowance each week or day so she's not overspending (friend who's mum lives with dementia had to do this).

If you and your partner are in love and you're both just exhausted and stressed, it's worth fighting for and making some changes so you can be happier and start planning for a wedding and a life together.

Wait, you don't live together?

So why are you marrying him?

I'm sorry OP but a lot of your stress and pressure is because of your inability to say no.

You won't say no to your mother.
You won't say no to helping your aunt finding accommodation.
You didn't say no to giving a loan despite not being able to afford it.
You won't say no/not yet to your partner.
You won't say no to your employer.

No wonder you are at risk of imploding. And stay away from chatgp and Internet rooms, both are well known to not help those who are spiralling, which you are. Seek help with your own mental health first. That is the first and most important thing to do right now.

You have a serious inability to communicate;

You won’t get in touch with Social Services and get help for your DM even though she clearly needs it and you work full time so are unable to look after her yourself.

You won’t speak to your employer about the fact that you have far too much work and seem to be doing the job of two maybe three people. You should be working your contracted hours only and it is illegal for them not to give you breaks etc. You are working so many hours you don’t have time to find a new job.

You won’t speak to your partner about your financial situation or tell him that you want to put your wedding on hold until you have sorted your life out.

Open your mouth and start standing up for yourself before you put yourself in hospital.

This sounds overwhelming and I can understand your despair. It is difficult to give advice as we do not know what country you are in or what employment laws are.
We only have so much bandwidth in our brains, when you are using up this with worrying, going over things again and again and thinking about every possible scenario you don’t have headspace to make calm decisions and act on them.
My general advice would be to divide the problems into four strands, work, possible debt, your mother and your relationship with your partner. Try to look at each one calmly not emotionally, what is the problem, what can I do. Your mother’s behaviour is odd, maybe eccentric, maybe a sign of an underlying MH issue. By assuming dementia and trying to get the doctor to see that you are not looking at other possibilities. While AI is useful it can mislead and can lead to you going down the wrong path and wasting some of your limited time and energy. Are there any MH charities in your country which have helplines where you could speak to a person. Work sounds like you need to learn to say no as others do, are you in a union? Debt, you need to find out what the problem is and what the debt amounts to, if it relates to tax can your work not give you the information?

So? Let her have a trantrum. Honestly, you both need to grow up.

This thread is not about your partner, he barely features in it. It's all about your mother. She is not going to change. Ever.

So either accept that and carry on as you are or do something about it.

This is not a real thread surely 🤦‍♀️ sounds loke chatGPT + a robots love child.

Simple answers here
1..you dont want to plan a wedding yet. So dont. Tell your partner
(Enough ppl have given you advice about not marrying this guy so I wont repeat)

2.Your finances. If you are in the UK there are loads of services for people in debt to help you get organised.

3.Your job. Quit. Get another one. Supermarket/cleaning/restaurant....

Anything is better than what you are trying to do now.

4.Your mum. Book another GP appointment. Show them all the lists youve posted here.

5.Dont get married

Yes, I told him it was work related and he just seems shocked and in disbelief.

I had to take today off work because I was genuinely ill. I was dumped with a fuck load of paper work to do while sick. I also had to update some of the online courses and update policies. I am actually utterly utterly utterly swamped with so much shit.

The response to them giving you paperwork and online courses is "no, I'm unwell, these will be done later or someone else will have to pick it up".

If you're ill, you're ill. End of.

OP, I don't think this thread can help you.

You are posting about a huge number of diverse problems, and people are giving you bits of advice about specific ones, but I don't think that's coming close to addressing the core issue.

Which is that you sound really, really unwell. I honestly think you need to call in sick tomorrow and make urgent appointment to speak to a GP.

Meanwhile, stop posting on internet forums and ChatGPT. These can be helpful for some things, but not mental illness of the kind I suspect you have.

If you partner is able to support you please ask him to come over and do so. If not, don't.

And honestly, I urge you to get off the internet, ring in sick tomorrow, see your GP. That's all you need to do right now.

Or, if you feel unsafe and at risk of harming yourself or another, , ring for emergency medical help immediately.

Op are you in the uk? And how old are you?

I think you need counselling... not a marriage.

I had to take today off work because I was genuinely ill. I was dumped with a fuck load of paper work to do while sick.

You don't have to do any of that whilst you're sick.

This. The OP doesn’t seem very well, whatever the cause.