I am not able to do any wedding preparations right now.

[FranBaby]

Can I get some advice please. I am engaged to a fantastic man. We don't have any dates set as of yet. He is a good person. He wasn't sto move ahead and view venues and book a date. He booked a viewing for this week without even consulting with me. If he asked me I would have said not right now. You see I am dealing with a lot of crap.

1. my work is being a pain in the f*cking ass. Simple as that. I will be lucky if I am even allowed a day off this week. I am scheduled for Monday to Friday work as per usual but I am required to stay late on Wednesday night and Friday night. I am required to attend a first day training on Saturday morning. Then go back into work on Saturday evening a do a live in stint into Sunday. So I don't even get a day off.

I am exploring changing jobs into factory work because I can't keep going on like this.

2). My mother is aging and there is a lot of executive functioning issues happening with her. There are so many things and it's all so stressful.

Then there are some other things too. Me and my partner we work two very different schedules. I typically work Monday to Friday. He works in a bar. So whenever I do get days off, they never fall on his days off. Also we don't sleep together any more and sexual intimacy is gone.

He booked a viewing for Friday morning thinking I would be off and I am not and he never consulted with me. I am facing a weekend of exhaustion from my work.

Tell him.

Nothing else you can do here.

What your work is doing sounds illegal

So much odd about this entire situation that I don’t know where to start

I can remember an incident last year. I left to go to work and my mother was in an OCD trance like state. I came home from work to find that she pulled the tumble dryer out from it's location and had it set up in a different part of the house with no ventilation but not only that plugged into an extension cord.

I wasn't able to reason the danger about this with her. Just wait for her to go to bed and I do that and hide the extension cord in case she did it again. Then wait for the rage spell. For when she got up the following morning. I was drinking it and never slept at all that night.

You are in serious debt and your fiance doesn’t know?

I work in a private care role. I work in a country with employment laws. But this situation it's not fitting for me any more. There are too many long stints. I need to change job.

I don't know it yet myself. I think I made a mistake with something and I need to get clarification about it.

This sounds very sketchy
You must tell your partner before you marry him and certainly before you spend a penny on this wedding ( which sadly on the basis of this thread, will mark the start of a short lived marriage)

It's just emerging. I need to make an appointment. Hopefully for next week. It would be great if I was allowed time off to look after a few things and see where I am.

Is there a risk of the police getting involved?

In what regard?

My mother?
Work?

Regarding my mother - I reckon it's only a matter of time. She rummages and takes things from me. What's to stop her from taking things like shoplifting. I dealt with one incident that was somewhat questionable a few years ago. She locked two mini serums from a pharmacy and she said they were free so she took took of them. They were 5 ml serums. At the time I thought maybe they would be free as part of a promotion.

Regarding my work - time and time and time again I am faced with working stints that are 10/11/12/13 or more days at a time before I even get one day off. It's always happening.
The people are work for are calculated and drip feed me things and get me to agree into do something small as an extra and then add on more and more and more. The idea of planning a wedding while working like this just doesn't appeal to me. I probably won't even be allowed to go to my own wedding.

You've spent a hell of a lot of time and effort describing your mum's every move, facial expression, and action here. You need to tell all this to professionals who can help, whether that's medical or SS, I don't know.

I also agree that your relationship is a shitshow. No sex and no communication and it sounds like neither of you are bothered about fixing those things. He just wants to rush to get married, and you want to avoid him, it seems.

I went to her GP twice. The second time the GP asked me - 'is there any memory loss?'. It seems as if the local GP doesn't want to help us until she shows problems with daily living tasks. As in they are waiting for a time where she can't dress herself or feed herself. I don't know. Meanwhile there are so many issues happening aside from memory loss.

I get you OP. My DH has dome memory loss, which generally isn't immediately obvious to other people, but his loss of executive function is the real issue. He can no longer work car parking machines, follow directions and his planning and organising skills are non existent. It's exhausting.

Why are you marrying someone where the “sexual intimacy has gone”?

apart from everything else, this I just don’t get?

That's it. Noone understands. They can act long enough in front of other people and others don't really see it.

I gave my mother a form to fill in November to apply for a scheme to help with the home. It was a grant to help insulate the home and apply some energy upgrades. She never filled it. I don't think she has the capacity to do it or she forgot about it perhaps and any time I ask about it she has an excuse. She is trying to save face.

We did have a sexual relationship but it dwindled. At first it was definitely on his side and I was left disappointed. Now I don't even bother trying in bed with him. Definitely a two way thing now. It wasn't always there. I didn't talk to him about this yet and it's him pushing a wedding.

OP, gently, because you sound terribly overwhelmed, you are also an actor in your own life. Just because he’s pushing for marriage, you don’t need to go along either way it. And you don’t need to work that many days in a row if it contravenes labour law, just because your employers want you to. No one can say you’re ’not allowed’ to attend your own wedding! Just say no to things that don’t suit you.

So why are you marrying him? This is bonkers.

This explains why it’s fucking nonsense then

Dismissing it as “nonsense” ignores the fact that these are real behaviours I’ve been living with daily.
ChatGPT helped me structure and name patterns that professionals often overlook when memory loss isn’t obvious. That doesn’t make the experiences invalid.

No
the sketchy financial matter involving you and tax

a lot of this is bonkers

I think the much bigger problem is you're incredibly overworked and overwhelmed. Can you quit and find a different job where they won't expect such ridiculous hours from you? If you can't, I reckon you just tell them you need at least a week off work to rest, or you're not coming back. I'm getting some Munchausens by proxy vibes when you talk about your mum...it seems like you're really convinced there's something wrong with her and are scrutinised all of her behaviour through the lens of an assumed diagnosis which really isn't healthy.

You are right. Any other worker has time off at the end of each working week. There is just too much at work. I had a barrier in relation to seeking other work but I found some good news last night. I found a private bus company that stops in villages along the way and takes people into the industrial park in the city where there is a lot of factory work. So that is good news and I hope to explore that this Spring and seek work in a factory.

As for the rest of your post,

I want to be very clear here, because that’s a serious accusation.
I am not seeking a diagnosis for my mother, nor am I trying to label her for attention or control. I am describing a long-standing pattern of behaviours that have significantly affected my daily life and wellbeing as someone living with her. There's a severe housing crisis where I am.

These aren’t isolated or cherry-picked incidents. They include persistent emotional volatility, poor planning, fixation on specific behaviours, intrusive actions, difficulty adapting to change, and impaired judgement around everyday tasks, repeated boundary-crossing behaviours such as taking my personal items (including underwear that doesn’t fit her), rummaging through my belongings immediately when I step away, and entering my private space without permission. These are not isolated incidents and they aren’t normal adult behaviour — while memory often remains intact.

I’m trying to understand how to cope and protect myself, not to pathologise her. The reason I’m struggling is precisely because these issues fall into a grey area that doesn’t fit the public idea of dementia as “memory loss only,” which means there’s very little support.

If you don’t agree with my interpretation, that’s fine but suggesting Munchausen by proxy is neither accurate nor helpful, and it doesn’t reflect what I’m asking for here.