I am not able to do any wedding preparations right now.

[FranBaby]

Can I get some advice please. I am engaged to a fantastic man. We don't have any dates set as of yet. He is a good person. He wasn't sto move ahead and view venues and book a date. He booked a viewing for this week without even consulting with me. If he asked me I would have said not right now. You see I am dealing with a lot of crap.

1. my work is being a pain in the f*cking ass. Simple as that. I will be lucky if I am even allowed a day off this week. I am scheduled for Monday to Friday work as per usual but I am required to stay late on Wednesday night and Friday night. I am required to attend a first day training on Saturday morning. Then go back into work on Saturday evening a do a live in stint into Sunday. So I don't even get a day off.

I am exploring changing jobs into factory work because I can't keep going on like this.

2). My mother is aging and there is a lot of executive functioning issues happening with her. There are so many things and it's all so stressful.

Then there are some other things too. Me and my partner we work two very different schedules. I typically work Monday to Friday. He works in a bar. So whenever I do get days off, they never fall on his days off. Also we don't sleep together any more and sexual intimacy is gone.

He booked a viewing for Friday morning thinking I would be off and I am not and he never consulted with me. I am facing a weekend of exhaustion from my work.

There is just so much happening and so much pressure from every angle. I just don't want to launch into wedding planning. There's not fucking way my work will respect me. They will work me into the ground especially summer time and I want to leave my work. I need a job that will value me and my time. I need space at the end of work weeks. Not keep on working.

@FranBaby Sorry, you haven't made it clear - do you live together, or do you live with your mum?

You need to sit down and be honest about what you need to do before you're in a position to plan/pay for a wedding.

If he is genuinely the man for you, you need to be sharing things like this with him before you marry him. Reverse it and imagine how you'd feel if after you married him it turned out he was having financial problems he hadn't thought to mention to you?

Communicate with him. Properly. And if he doesn't take you seriously as per one of your other updates, question why that is and whether that's how you want to live life, with someone who brushes off concerns.

It wasn't always like this between us.

What do you mean by executive functioning, OP?

But it is now so why do you want to marry him?

But it is now

Get rid so that you can concentrate on sorting your own life out and helping your Mum

I live with her. This afternoon I went to work while she was in a trance like OCD state in the kitchen that included standing on the work top and dusting every inch of the place and wetting the TV screen.

This is list but its not all of it.
Poor planning and sequencing
Doing tasks at inappropriate times (e.g. going for walks at dusk in winter instead of earlier in the day).
Leaving far too early for buses (e.g. leaving home 40 minutes before a bus when it’s a 15‑minute walk).
Repeatedly doing things in inefficient or impractical ways despite consequences.
Time awareness problems
Losing track of how long appliances are running (e.g. tumble dryer used 10–25 minutes just to “warm” clothes).
Repeating tasks without awareness of duration or cost.
Difficulty judging appropriate timing of activities across the day.
Poor insight and inability to adapt behaviour
High anxiety about electricity bills but refusal/inability to change own high‑energy behaviours.
Fixating on low‑energy items (like a dehumidifier) while ignoring or denying higher‑energy usage elsewhere.
Unable to adjust behaviour even when calmly explained or shown alternatives.
Executive rigidity
“This is how I’ve always done it” thinking.
Will not adopt new systems (e.g. energy tariffs, drying methods, ventilation guidance).
Will continue familiar behaviours even when they clearly don’t work.
Impulsivity and disinhibition
Entering my locked bedroom without permission.
Rummaging through my belongings.
Taking items that are not hers (including personal items).
Unplugging devices or interfering with things that don’t belong to her.
Boundary violations
Repeated invasion of privacy.
Ignoring locks and clear boundaries.
Monitoring my movements around the house.
Paranoia / hypervigilance (mostly non‑verbal)
Following me down the hall after I leave shared rooms.
Checking her own room immediately after I move.
Silent suspicion without direct accusations.
Emotional dysregulation
Sudden rage or verbal aggression over minor issues.
Disproportionate anger (e.g. screaming over dishwasher timing or laundry).
No apology or insight afterwards.
Perseveration / fixation
Obsessing over small items (lip balms, birthday cards, minor purchases).
Repeated demands despite being told no or later.
Getting “stuck” on a topic and unable to let it go.
Compulsive / trance‑like behaviour
Periods of intense, repetitive cleaning with no clear purpose.
Rearranging furniture repeatedly.
Appearing “not present” during these spells.
Poor judgement
Ignoring public safety advice (e.g. water conservation during storms).
Making illogical decisions during emergencies (refusing to leave house during prolonged power outage).
Believing appliances will “break” if unplugged.
Emotional blunting toward me
No concern when I’m sick or distressed.
Lack of empathy while still making demands on me.
Displacement of stress and anger almost exclusively onto me.
Preserved memory but impaired executive control
Can remember dates, events, and facts.
Can discuss things like time zones or upcoming events.
But struggles with planning, judgement, inhibition, and emotional regulation.

She's also peeing in tubberware boxes or a bin at night time in her room.

If he can’t respect you saying “there’s too much going on this week, I need a little more time before we make these decisions” he is quite simply
not husband material.

He can’t listen to or respect you and he isn’t valuing your input and the importance of making these decisions together as a couple.

And the man you plan to marry, spend a life with, who is supposed to be your life partner, doesn't take this seriously?

Admittedly that list sounds like you've lifted it from Google, but if it's real you do not want to be committing to a man who doesn't believe this is an issue.

I have a thread with ChatGPT and I typed a lot of the incidents that I faced into that. I asked chatgpt to summarise it and give me a list.

As a previous poster said, please get some help from Social Services and don’t let yourself be bullied into being a carer by them. You need help with this and you shouldn’t have to do it alone.

You see the holy grail of issues facing older people is memory loss. Without it nobody believes me that there's a problem.

My job will hardly give me a day off while I need to make an appointment with a tax consultant and my mother haraguees me out of it to fuck.

There's just no break.

Why do you need to get married? Doesn't sound like it's necessary or desirable if all you are to each other is platonic partners who hardly see each other.

Your mother's situation is doing your head in. Park everything wedding wise whether he likes it or not. You will see from his response whether or not he respects you.

I'm so sorry to say this, but based on what you've written, if you do marry, divorce or separation will likely follow very quickly.

Don't marry him. Strike that off your list of things to do.

You have my sympathy OP. My DF has recently died after years of sliding into many of the behaviours you list. But he could also put on a good front so only me and my DSis realised the full extent of the issue. It was so tough and happening for me at the same time as I moved house, regions and retired. I honestly believe that if this had carried on for even a few months more it would have broken me. Planning a wedding would have absolutely been impossible and there were two of us handling it with help from our spouses. Your fiancé should be supporting you at this time, not adding to your load.

Sending my best wishes. I hope you are able to get the support you need - wherever that comes from.

This is how I am kinda thinking to. I love him and he says the same. It's him that's really wanting the marriage. I accepted a few years ago but we were better back than. Now it's like, we do care for each other but he wants the marriage. I do see a future with him but I am not able to plan right now.

Well for starters I wouldn’t be marrying someone for whom “sexual intimacy has gone”.

It sounds like you’re not very keen on this marriage in general…

Would you live with him if you married him?

I am reaching that point that you are talking about. Even before this week.

I explained on a different group that if this was memory loss from my mother, if she was leaving home and needed help from neighbours or strangers or the police to help her get home - I would likely get more empathy, help and support.

What I am dealing with is a lot of executive functioning issues behind closed doors.

All I got was haragueing this morning. I was nearly in tears going towards work and I have to put a happy smily face and pretend everything is ok. While work wants to work me into the ground. I probably won't even see a day off until the weekend if the 8th of Feb approx.

I have a migraine today or the starts of one but I had to go to work and just keep on going.

Would it be possible to speak to your GP practice? I reached a point (even before I moved) and was constantly being harangued and criticised by my DF and ended up having a rather public breakdown. The Nurse Practitioner was so understanding, helped to take a step back for a period to gain perspective and I was fortunate to access private counselling using my health benefits package at work. It was the admitting I was struggling to that nurse that helped me the most at that point.

There's so many work issues happening it's really soul destroying. This week is just so crazy.

My employers they give me a regular week but then they drop feed so many extras.