Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

he "flipped"

275 replies

GiItABitMaerWelly · 23/01/2026 11:38

Looking for a handhold here, I guess..
I am in shock by what happened when I stayed over at my boyfriend's.
We'd argued and he'd just said that he just wants to be friends with me. I was sat on the bed watching TV and sniffling a bit and he was sat on the futon, doomscrolling. It was a horrible atmosphere.
Eventually I said something along the lines of "Oh I wish I was just at home right now". Then he leapt up and just went totally berserk at me.

He started yelling "You wanna leave? Then get the FUCK outta my house, you fucking piece of SHIT! NOW! Right now!" And starts sort of clapping his hands in a really crazy way. And all the time he's saying "Motherfucker! Get the FUCK out!!!!! You fucking piece of shit!" For a split second I thought he was joking but he wasn't.
I have never seen anyone so angry in my life, it was absolutely terrifying.
He started grabbing all my clothes out of the wardrobe and stuffing them into my handbag and I was trying to get changed and also kind of keep out of his way because he was scaring me so much.

It was gone midnight and I didn't have anywhere to stay and he lives in a really rough area so I didn't want to be walking the streets till it was dawn.

Then he stopped yelling and started muttering about how he's an idiot for believing a relationship would work, that he's been done again, he looks at me and told me that I am a really dreadful human, a really horrible person. He kept saying it over and over "you know that? You are really horrible". And just looking at me with total disgust.

Eventually I kind of calmed him down and we went to sleep. Next day he said he'd got upset because I had hurt his feelings because he had brought me a cup of tea and a snack and I'd seemed ungrateful for this by saying I wanted to be at home.

It had all begun when I had said I didn't want to get married to him, he has been pushing this fantasy where we get married but he doesn't want me to tell anyone till we've done it. His other big idea is that we buy doer-upper in the countryside.

Then later on he started saying I have loads of problems, loads of baggage, that he should never have joined Bumble in the first place. He kept saying over and over that I have a lot of problems, too many problems in fact and he can't cope with my constant negativity. He finds solutions and I am just a big ball of negative energy.
Then that was when he said he wanted to help me but as a friend.

I had said I just want a boyfriend at this point in time and not marriage.

He knows I have been in abusive relationships in the past and has got really sulky when he has scared or triggered me because he is not like that. We parted on good terms but only after I had listed all my faults too because it was wasn't fair of me to just say how he had upset me and I was like perfect or something.

There is no coming back from this, is there?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 23/01/2026 11:40

Absolutely no coming back
he’s another abuser
you need to invest your time and energy into yourself
good luck

CanIShareThis · 23/01/2026 11:41

Absolutely not OP! Are you away from him now? Do you have anyone else you can live with even temporarily? Friends/family/work colleagues?

TheThingOnTheIce · 23/01/2026 11:41

Well now you know why he was single
run
block

TokyoSushi · 23/01/2026 11:42

I hope that you're never going to see this man again.

Middletoleft · 23/01/2026 11:43

That wasn't a great experience. I hope you're parting company. I'd sooner be on my own than be with someone who has so little regard for me.

Someone like that isn't worth your time.

Leavesandthings · 23/01/2026 11:44

He is an abuser too.
You must leave him.
Don't let him worm his way back in.
Please look after yourself OP.

mummytrex · 23/01/2026 11:44

Don't even contemplate going back. He is abusive.

exhaustDAD · 23/01/2026 11:44

I am not sure how old you are, he sounds like a 'boy' to me.
"There is no coming back from this, is there?" - Absolutely none. Do yourself a favour and don't even entertain the idea. Two reasons: How he treated you and flipped, but before that - he literally told you that he doesn't want you be in a romantic relationship. That pretty much sealed it already. I know it can hurt, but what is the point latching onto an idea of a relationship when the other person literally said there is no intention on his side? Move on, and hopefully whoever you get together with in the future will treat you nice...

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 23/01/2026 11:45

Well I think its pretty damn clear that this relationship is over. You are not right for each other and this is toxic.

End the relationship, block and move on.

This guy is not 'the one'

cartagenagina · 23/01/2026 11:46

No there isn’t.

Are you somewhere safe now? I would block him and do whatever needs to be done to help you heal from this horrible relationship. 💐

ZookeeperSE · 23/01/2026 11:49

but he doesn't want me to tell anyone till we've done it
Can’t think why 🤔.

He knows I have been in abusive relationships in the past
You’re in one now.

Leave, block, delete. Don’t look back.

Nearly50omg · 23/01/2026 11:49

Why didn’t you go and do the women’s aid course after your last abusive relationship? You learn the warning signs and also get more confidence in yourself and it gives you the tools to stop this happening again! You’ve got another abuser!!! Please go home and cut him off and contact women’s aid or your local domestic abuse charity

ChaoticallyFucked · 23/01/2026 11:50

You saying that he gets really sulky if he’s scared you is a big red flag. He’s getting sulky because he’s behaving the same way as an abusive ex and he’s expecting you shut up and put up. He can say he’s not that like that, but you’ve got several indications that he is actually like that and that when he doesn’t get his way, he will sulk and shout and abuse you.

You’re not safe with this man. Please don’t listen to any sob story he try’s to give you to stay with him. The cause of his behaviour is irrelevant to you. He’s not safe.

ClairDeLaLune · 23/01/2026 12:14

There is no coming back from this, is there?

OP I’m really sorry but you have serious problems if you think there is the slightest way back from this or if even a tiny part of you wants there to be. Please block him on everything and never see him again. He’s an abuser, in fact he sounds like a psychopath. Please consider counselling, your sense of what’s right and what isn’t is way off, probably because you’ve been abused in the past.

PinkYellowGrey · 23/01/2026 12:27

You need therapy not a relationship.
You need to read up on Repetition Compulsion to stop yourself repeatedly ending up with psychopaths.

BCBird · 23/01/2026 12:29

Get rid. You deserve better. He is not relationship material.

pikkumyy77 · 23/01/2026 12:30

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 23/01/2026 11:45

Well I think its pretty damn clear that this relationship is over. You are not right for each other and this is toxic.

End the relationship, block and move on.

This guy is not 'the one'

This seems unfair to the OP. The man is toxic. Not her relationship. He’s not right. Its not that they are incompatible.

174SewingStuff · 23/01/2026 12:31

Do you have any family or friends that you can stay with, even if it a sofa or a floor ?

Get away from him as soon as you can

You are not safe there

GiItABitMaerWelly · 23/01/2026 12:47

Thank you for all the messages
I don't live with him and am safe.

I am trying to slow fade him as pathetic as it sounds as I am scared of what he will do if I just end things outright. He told me about how another relationship ended and it is very identifying I wish I could write it here but I can't - but what he did was awful. I only found this out the same day as when we argued and it alone would be enough to want to end things.

He is 40 years old and is what I would describe as a "serial monogamist" btw.

OP posts:
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 23/01/2026 12:48

pikkumyy77 · 23/01/2026 12:30

This seems unfair to the OP. The man is toxic. Not her relationship. He’s not right. Its not that they are incompatible.

When I said 'this is toxic' I was referring to the situation. But no, they are not right for each other in that this man is not the one for her.

GiItABitMaerWelly · 23/01/2026 12:49

PinkYellowGrey · 23/01/2026 12:27

You need therapy not a relationship.
You need to read up on Repetition Compulsion to stop yourself repeatedly ending up with psychopaths.

Never heard of this before but I think maybe this is what I am doing as he does remind me of one ex in particular who was really awful.

OP posts:
GiItABitMaerWelly · 23/01/2026 12:50

@Nearly50omg I didn't know about it.

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 23/01/2026 12:51

No going back, and now he shown you what a crazy piece if shit he is you should work on not letting his words wound you by reliving it too much, hard as it I'd when you've been screamed at.

Never see him again and leave him in the dust behind you. Don't take his words to heart, his words reveal what he is like not you.

GiItABitMaerWelly · 23/01/2026 12:54

I should say that bit about him being "not like that" is his words, not mine. He says I shouldn't be scared of him when he is angry / yelling / flinging his arms at me and so on because he "doesn't hit women and is not like that".

I agree I think he must be a psychopath or something.

OP posts:
GiItABitMaerWelly · 23/01/2026 12:56

Thanks @Imisscoffee2021 it did really hurt me what he said, I don't think I am a bad or horrible person I try not to be anyway! Being called a piece of shit repeatedly also hurt because it was just so de-humanising? Nobody called me that before.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread