he "flipped"

[GiItABitMaerWelly]

Looking for a handhold here, I guess..
I am in shock by what happened when I stayed over at my boyfriend's.
We'd argued and he'd just said that he just wants to be friends with me. I was sat on the bed watching TV and sniffling a bit and he was sat on the futon, doomscrolling. It was a horrible atmosphere.
Eventually I said something along the lines of "Oh I wish I was just at home right now". Then he leapt up and just went totally berserk at me.

He started yelling "You wanna leave? Then get the FUCK outta my house, you fucking piece of SHIT! NOW! Right now!" And starts sort of clapping his hands in a really crazy way. And all the time he's saying "Motherfucker! Get the FUCK out!!!!! You fucking piece of shit!" For a split second I thought he was joking but he wasn't.
I have never seen anyone so angry in my life, it was absolutely terrifying.
He started grabbing all my clothes out of the wardrobe and stuffing them into my handbag and I was trying to get changed and also kind of keep out of his way because he was scaring me so much.

It was gone midnight and I didn't have anywhere to stay and he lives in a really rough area so I didn't want to be walking the streets till it was dawn.

Then he stopped yelling and started muttering about how he's an idiot for believing a relationship would work, that he's been done again, he looks at me and told me that I am a really dreadful human, a really horrible person. He kept saying it over and over "you know that? You are really horrible". And just looking at me with total disgust.

Eventually I kind of calmed him down and we went to sleep. Next day he said he'd got upset because I had hurt his feelings because he had brought me a cup of tea and a snack and I'd seemed ungrateful for this by saying I wanted to be at home.

It had all begun when I had said I didn't want to get married to him, he has been pushing this fantasy where we get married but he doesn't want me to tell anyone till we've done it. His other big idea is that we buy doer-upper in the countryside.

Then later on he started saying I have loads of problems, loads of baggage, that he should never have joined Bumble in the first place. He kept saying over and over that I have a lot of problems, too many problems in fact and he can't cope with my constant negativity. He finds solutions and I am just a big ball of negative energy.
Then that was when he said he wanted to help me but as a friend.

I had said I just want a boyfriend at this point in time and not marriage.

He knows I have been in abusive relationships in the past and has got really sulky when he has scared or triggered me because he is not like that. We parted on good terms but only after I had listed all my faults too because it was wasn't fair of me to just say how he had upset me and I was like perfect or something.

There is no coming back from this, is there?

Seriously, I don't care even if you have issues. The way he spoke to you was just bloody awful. Anyone who cared wouldn't shout and scream at you like that, they'd talk to you. He's a bad one.

For that reason alone he is not the man for you. Please take some time out, get stronger, reflect on what you need and more than anything, get yourself in a good place. Take very good care OP, sending hugs over MN.

Isolation? Nope, he's an abuser. Not healthy, keep well away.

Roid rage?

It's not surprising he wants to isolate you, abusers often do, You then become completely dependent on them and find it almost impossible to leave. They can then treat you however they like.

It's actually a god send that this has happened OP because it has opened your eyes to what you were slowly but surely falling into. He doesn't want to love and cherish you, he wants to own you - and he'll do that by breaking you down and isolating you.

Please keep yourself safe, this sounds very scary. Get in touch with everyone asap and keep those people around you a much as possible. This bloke is never going to be a friend to you so you need to get away safely.

Get out of there and never go back, never see him again. He sounds positively dangerous and unhinged, you are not the problem and don't let him try to convince you it was somehow all your fault. Just thank your lucky stars you didn't marry him!

And ignore him if he threatens suicide.

And tell your friends and family exactly why you were not able to see them over Christmas - they will hopefully rally around you. Shine a light on his behaviour, the shame is not yours.

Do NOT go back. EVER. Keep yourself safe @GiItABitMaerWelly block and move on. Sorry you've had to go through this. Hugs.

Yes because no doubt that's coming

No. You pack your things, and leave. And then block and delete. If you have got any trusted friends or family members phone them. And call the police if you are concerned at any time or he becomes abusive again.

Good news is he just put it all out there for you to see. No drip feed/gaslighting/1000 cuts. Now you can move on.

Please God get out of there and leave him. Imagine if you had married him. Go somewhere that he can't find you either.

@GiItABitMaerWelly op no offence but the above poster has given bad advice .
This man is an abuser . He was playing a head game with you to try manipulate you into doing what he wanted.
Can you imagine getting out a marriage or selling a house with this man .
He’s doing as abusers do . As mentioned. On MN many times before do the freedom programme .
Him saying he doesn’t hit women doesn’t mean he doesn’t intimidate them by fear or hitting things.
Id speak to the police says you need a Clair’s law and support to end the relationship for good. Tell them you are nervous about what he will do and ask what they can do to help you . Without his knowledge.

You are still in an abusive relationship.

I have an ex who would only stop verbally abusing me once I said how disgusting I was and once he brought me to tears. Used to make me out to be crazy regularly. Would you advise someone to stay with somebody like that? Or would you tell them they deserve better?

Do not go back to this man. He's abusive. He wants you to marry him in secret, simply because he doesn't want anyone talking you out of it!! It's not some big romantic notion, on his behalf, it's so no one can stop you! He wants you and him buying a 'doer-upper' in rural location, so you're more isolated. He's a nasty piece of work.

He's an abuser. Don't go back. It sounds like it could be dangerous And as I hope you know, it's not you, especially as he said he's had many similar relationships go wrong in the past. I'm so sorry this happened and I'm glad you got home ok. One way of thinking about it is that you're lucky he showed his true colours sooner rather than later. You could have been isolated in some country cottage somewhere. Contact womens aid if necessary

Run. And keep running.

Please don't feel guilty, it wasn't your fault. Your abuser coerced you into it. He has been deliberately trying to isolate you from your family and friends, your entire support network basically, and then force you into marrying him in secret.

You would have then been completely trapped by him and unable to escape.

It maybe worth seeing if you can find some counselling, and if you can possibly bear it, I would hope that you consider reporting him to the police for his behaviour. They would be interested in the endings of his previous relationships too, and I doubt very much whether he told you even half the truth about that. Chances are that the police may already have something on him anyway.

I think he’d held it in before but there is no going back now you see what he can do/ has done.

This is awful. You never speak to him again.

He was either future faking with you scout marriage and a fixer upper and was angry you saw through it or he's expecting you to take him out of where he is and he's angry you won't.

Either way it doesn't matter. How dare he go for you like this!

Don't talk through anything, don't slow fade anything, don't give your mental energy to trying to figure him out - get whatever help you need to get out, block him everywhere, and have no further contact at all, ever. There's no ambiguity here, he's dangerous and terrible.

No. No coming back.

Good GOD end this relationship with no further ado.

What a scary, aggressive episode...and it certainly won't be the last. Him telling you that you shouldn't be scared and that he is 'not like that' is deluded, and his ascertation that you are a horrible person is sheer projection.

This chap is very bad for your safety and peace. He has shown you how he is now. Fucks sake.

Do not stay with this man. Go and have a happy life and leave him to his hideous self.