Looking for a handhold here, I guess..
I am in shock by what happened when I stayed over at my boyfriend's.
We'd argued and he'd just said that he just wants to be friends with me. I was sat on the bed watching TV and sniffling a bit and he was sat on the futon, doomscrolling. It was a horrible atmosphere.
Eventually I said something along the lines of "Oh I wish I was just at home right now". Then he leapt up and just went totally berserk at me.
He started yelling "You wanna leave? Then get the FUCK outta my house, you fucking piece of SHIT! NOW! Right now!" And starts sort of clapping his hands in a really crazy way. And all the time he's saying "Motherfucker! Get the FUCK out!!!!! You fucking piece of shit!" For a split second I thought he was joking but he wasn't.
I have never seen anyone so angry in my life, it was absolutely terrifying.
He started grabbing all my clothes out of the wardrobe and stuffing them into my handbag and I was trying to get changed and also kind of keep out of his way because he was scaring me so much.
It was gone midnight and I didn't have anywhere to stay and he lives in a really rough area so I didn't want to be walking the streets till it was dawn.
Then he stopped yelling and started muttering about how he's an idiot for believing a relationship would work, that he's been done again, he looks at me and told me that I am a really dreadful human, a really horrible person. He kept saying it over and over "you know that? You are really horrible". And just looking at me with total disgust.
Eventually I kind of calmed him down and we went to sleep. Next day he said he'd got upset because I had hurt his feelings because he had brought me a cup of tea and a snack and I'd seemed ungrateful for this by saying I wanted to be at home.
It had all begun when I had said I didn't want to get married to him, he has been pushing this fantasy where we get married but he doesn't want me to tell anyone till we've done it. His other big idea is that we buy doer-upper in the countryside.
Then later on he started saying I have loads of problems, loads of baggage, that he should never have joined Bumble in the first place. He kept saying over and over that I have a lot of problems, too many problems in fact and he can't cope with my constant negativity. He finds solutions and I am just a big ball of negative energy.
Then that was when he said he wanted to help me but as a friend.
I had said I just want a boyfriend at this point in time and not marriage.
He knows I have been in abusive relationships in the past and has got really sulky when he has scared or triggered me because he is not like that. We parted on good terms but only after I had listed all my faults too because it was wasn't fair of me to just say how he had upset me and I was like perfect or something.
There is no coming back from this, is there?