DH wants to put tracker/ AirTag in car WWYD?

[TrackerTracey]

Married nearly 30 years, all fine, no affairs or suspicions etc. However DH retired last year and in my opinion has too much time on his hands - constantly getting over involved in mine and the grown up children’s lives!

He is also big into tech and safety, and last year fitted a security camera at the front of the house which shows the front drive and cars etc. I have access to the app and live feed but I don’t have the set up codes or know how to access any recorded footage as that is all via his login and pc. At first it didn’t bother me, but I’ve become aware that he sits at his desk with the app open on screen so he can see comings and goings. He says it’s so he can see if parcels are being delivered, but occasionally he will comment about something else which makes me feel like we’re being watched (have a DS still living at home).

Anyway, we’re getting a new car and DH has announced that he wants to put an AirTag in it to track it in case it’s stolen. My initial reaction is that I don’t want this. It’s not that I’m likely to be going anywhere or doing anything bad, but I just don’t like the feeling of DH having this surveillance ability over my every move! And of course it will only work one way, because the AirTag will be logged to his device.

He says I’m overreacting and it’s just about safety in case the car is stolen, but I’m not happy about it. WWYD?

he'll be checking the app constantly to see where you are, and you'll have to answer a hundred questions, like "why were you in Tesco so long".

🚩🚩🚩

All that aside, he does realise that anyone who goes in the car with an apple device will be told it's being tracked. Included in prospective thieves. So tell him it won't work the way he thinks is and if he is that worried he can pay for the tracker on the car that will work in the even if theft.

No thank you.

With all of the extra info you mention about tracking you, I understand where you are coming from.

However, for security measures, I see the sense in it. I have an air tag hidden in my car too in case it is stolen.

We have our air tags set up so that we both can see their location (because we use the air tags in our suitcases too).

DH has my location for my phone accessible from his phone, purely to ease my anxiety. I am terrified of being in a car crash with the kids, for example, and someone not being able to locate us. I feel very indifferent about him seeing where I am. The most exciting it gets is me spending an hour child free in Asda 😂

I don think its abuse or a red flag

My fil was like this. Obsessed woth neighbours bins and the cat from 4 doors down....

He just needs a real hobby.
I'd says yes fine dear and then mess with him a bit ...

If the tag is hidden well enough, it’ll likely be a deterrent when they get in, because they don’t have time to strip down a car and search for where the tag is.

Sounds like you’ve hit the nail
on the head with “too much time on his hands”. Absolute no to the AirTag and tell him the constant surveillance is getting weird. Buy him some golf clubs, he needs something to do.

To me the problem would be him checking up and his attitude, not the fact he has suggested a tracker. Given he watches the front door and comments on comings/goings he is using it intrusively rather than for security. I would use that argument to say no tracker. However we do have trackers on both cars, it was useful when DS list the car in Birmingham :)

I take it the car is shared?
Isn't there some sort of car tracker that you only activate in the case of an emergency?

I wouldn't like it either. Why is he so worried about the car being stolen, is it a concern in your area?

It seems like he needs some other hobby than surveilling the whole family. Can you encourage him to join any clubs, take up hiking or something.

I don't see the problem, many many people hide trackers/airtags in cars in the unfortunate incident of the car getting stolen.
If you are not going anywhere you dont want partner to know about then what does it matter?

Just no. We have air tags on our bikes as they are more likely to get stolen, but I know my husband will check to see if I am on my way. He is retired so has time in his hands and to be fair is usually waiting for me so we can go out together.

I also catch the bus to work and I was ill yesterday so was earlier home than usual and not very with it, so got off one stop early by mistake. I got a text asking where I was because he can track the bus with a bus tracker app. To be fair he wants to know because he does the cooking and I come into a hot meal.

We also have ring cameras and we can both view the footage but he is able to delete it and I can't. We do not track each others phones. I would draw a line at my car being tracked or my phone. I wouldn't want all my movements to be tracked.

i’d ask him for all the log in details. if he won’t provide i’d take it as a red flag. im sure you can get more than one user on these things. if he puts an airtag in the car id want to know where. if he won’t show you thats a red flag too.

What good is the tracker going to be if the car is stolen? Is he going to go all vigilante and follow it at breakneck speed? Or is he going to do what most people do and call the police? It's already traceable by its numberplate and if he's worried about the plates being changed, just jot down the chassis number.

It’s not the tracker that’s the problem. There are many tracker systems for cars that can be activated if it’s stolen. It’s the AirTag coupled with his new obsession with what everyone else is doing that’s the issue. He will absolutely be dipping in to see what you’re up to, won’t be able to stop himself.

Nothing wrong with additional security, but it does sound like he needs a hobby/PT job. I’ve got the same, but he’s a keyboard warrior & it really annoys me. I leave job lists out to keep him busy.

I agree a tracker is a good idea BUT if you feel he's being controlling knowing where you are constantly, can't it just be you who can access it? Why does it need to be him? If it truly is only incase the car is stolen that would be fine.

Could you get you’re own AirTag linked to your own phone?

Can track the car if it’s stolen but no surveillance on you.

I really like AirTags btw, so useful!

If you have an iPhone and he puts an AirTag in the car without telling you, you will receive a notification about it.

our car has location tracking built in and it would be a lot more useful than relying on someone spotting the number plate / which is easily changed. You see where the car actually is , direction of travel etc

we have used it occasionally if you are starting to get concerned that someone hasn’t turned up or you need to be ready to go the monent they arrive ( we only have one car )

the BUT is that we can both see and we both trust each other

He has gone down a rabbit hole and needs a new hobby. Or a job as a security manager.

No to the air tag in your car. He will further use that to monitor your movements; you are already being watched and or otherwise monitored by him via his pc and his excuse about parcels is a poor one.

How is he with you day to day?. It may be an idea for you to read Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft.

Is your car at risk of getting stolen? Is it a popular model for thieves and/or do you live somewhere where it’s a problem? If for example it’s a range rover and you street park in London then you’d be daft not to have a tracker- the fact that we have one is the only reason we still have our car because it has been stolen and subsequently recovered thanks to the tracker. I don’t like that he’s sat watching your cameras though, that’s creepy and invasive so I get your hesitation.

An AirTag is not a professional GPS tracker and thieves can and do detect these. This I think is being used by him primarily to further monitor your movements under the guises of potential theft and safety.

I can understand why you feel uneasy op. I wouldn't care if my husband wanted to do this , but we have a family group on life 360 and share a video doorbell account without either of us making the other uncomfortable.

It seems like there could be deeper issues here with your marriage.

Why don’t you agree to the air tag on the condition that it’s linked to your Apple account, not his. That way, if he’s happy that it’s only for the purpose of tracking the car if it’s stolen, he gets what he wants as you can both track it together on your phone. If his real reason is to track you, his response will highlight that and you can object