DH wants to put tracker/ AirTag in car WWYD?

[TrackerTracey]

Married nearly 30 years, all fine, no affairs or suspicions etc. However DH retired last year and in my opinion has too much time on his hands - constantly getting over involved in mine and the grown up children’s lives!

He is also big into tech and safety, and last year fitted a security camera at the front of the house which shows the front drive and cars etc. I have access to the app and live feed but I don’t have the set up codes or know how to access any recorded footage as that is all via his login and pc. At first it didn’t bother me, but I’ve become aware that he sits at his desk with the app open on screen so he can see comings and goings. He says it’s so he can see if parcels are being delivered, but occasionally he will comment about something else which makes me feel like we’re being watched (have a DS still living at home).

Anyway, we’re getting a new car and DH has announced that he wants to put an AirTag in it to track it in case it’s stolen. My initial reaction is that I don’t want this. It’s not that I’m likely to be going anywhere or doing anything bad, but I just don’t like the feeling of DH having this surveillance ability over my every move! And of course it will only work one way, because the AirTag will be logged to his device.

He says I’m overreacting and it’s just about safety in case the car is stolen, but I’m not happy about it. WWYD?

I only know one person who has a Ring doorbell!

They only have it because they live in a townhouse where the living room and kitchen are on the first floor, and they got tired of going downstairs to answer the door to canvassers and people trying to sell stuff etc.

I personally think.its a good idea. My husband can track our car in the maker's app.

He has hobbies, friends and leaves the house most days.

I know he keeps the camera screen minimised in a small pop out screen in the corner of his pc screen.
It’s not totally as mad as it sounds as we live in a rambling old four storey house and his office is top floor, so it DOES give advance warning of any delivery vans and give us a a chance to get downstairs before they ring the doorbell!

My teen son is in the 'riding around with cars with friends that just passed their test' and it scares the bejeesus out of me. He won't accept an app like Life360 - fair enough - but did say I could put an airtag on his keyring to avoid me having a heart attack every night.

It's absolutely fucking useless at telling me where he is. 'Last updated half an hour ago'. I know it works by connecting with Apple devices - he has one. And as I can still see him on SnapMaps, I know he isn't turning his Bluetooth off to hide where he is.

ANYWAY. Overly detailed way of saying I wouldn't trust one to track my car.

I wouldn't mind my husband knowing where I am at all times, but that's because I know 100% he'd only use it if he NEEDED to know. If you're worried about your husband tracking you, that's an issue with your whole relationship imo.

This is exactly what I was going to say. In fact install an AirTag yourself, on your own account and don't allow him access. He will almost certainly demand the login and you can say that you will absolutely give him access to the account in the event that the car is stolen.

Yes because...

Married nearly 30 years, all fine, no affairs or suspicions etc. However DH retired last year and in my opinion has too much time on his hands.

It just sounds to me like he's bored and watching what's going on is his new "hobby". Nothing sinister. But agree he does need to find something better to do with his time.

Tell him you're concerned about the amount of time he's spending watching what others are doing - not good for him. Therefore you'll get a AirTag for the car and put it in your phone.

This is really not a right or wrong issue, but about your boundaries and how you feel.

We have a million cameras that I track across our house and Live360 for the whole family. I don't look at Live360 unless waiting for DH to get home for dinner but I love watching the cameras! We would also know if we were out for dinner/coffee with anyone else as we write this all down in a shared calendar.

The issue here is that you feel uncomfortable. And you can set those privacy boundaries wherever you want. That's the conversation that you need to have. No is a full sentence!

Let him then start using the bus and getting lifts or taxis. "it's better for the environment" "Jenny was going to the same place so we said we'd share the journey". You'll soon find out if it's about tracking you or the car.

How is it an abusive relationship. Sounds like he is bored and found a new pass time, probably won't last long.

End of the day, trackers/airtags hidden in vehicles are a great idea.

If he was being sneaky, coercive etc he wouldn't mention it and just stalk from his desk :)

If it’s any consolation air tags are shit and don’t give accurate locations anyway. They can take anything up to an hour to update as well. By which time the car will be miles away.

Well if it was really about car safety wouldn’t it have happened before he had all this time on his hands? Car trackers are hardly an invention of 2025. Likewise ring doorbells for parcels make more sense for when you weren’t at home all day not for when you’re retired and glued to your chair. I assume he is jealous to death of anyone who gets to spend anytime with you and is terrified that now he’s not doing anything you might realise what an inadequate he is. Or perhaps he expected you were desperately waiting for him to retire so you could spend 24/7 basking in his magnificence and catering to his every whim and he cannot fathom why you would meet friends or go food shopping instead. Anyway it’d be a no from me and I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of setting up an AirTag in your car if you thought it was likely someone would want to steal it op.

I wouldn't see it as a red flag and would take it at being able to track the car if an issue more than him tracking you. BUT I would insist on it being visible to both of you.

Me and DH have Life360 so we can see where each other is. We also have a camera doorbell accessible on both our phones. I couldn't care less if DH is watching my every move. We find it useful in knowing where each other sometimes. The kids like to know when DH has left the gym and on the way home (it tells me when he leave the gym). I don't get endless what time will dad be home questions. Also if we are away it give me peace of mind DH can check where I am if I haven't replied to message or if I am running late etc. The kids will be added to 360 when they are old enough for a phone.

@TrackerTracey I’ve done this with my car. It’s hopeless. If he wants to track it properly, pay for a proper system. AirTags are good for lost luggage not a stolen car due to the alert that’s given to other users.

We have one in our car which doesn't bother me, but airtag's alert the nearest iPhone that they're being tracked and you can turn it off from your device. Admittedly you have to wait for your phone to alert you which isn't ideal. I've always found it a bit pointless for this reason and you can also play a sound to alert you to where it is - it's the first thing someone will do and remove it (assuming the thief has an iPhone.)

I'd be saying ok, you want the car to have a tracker just in case it gets stolen and not to monitor me?

Right. I'll have a tracker fitted and only I will have the login so that if it is stolen, I will be able to see where it is. And you will be perfectly happy with that won't you since you absolutely don't want to have me under surveillance and its totally in case of theft...

Basically you need to tell him you are insulted that he thinks you are stupid.

Not necessarily. I have shared my location with DH for years and this hasn’t happened.

I don’t check the app constantly to see where he is either. I last looked at it three weeks ago when he was picking me up from the station.

Tracking someone without permission can be harassment and stalking. He’s already invading your privacy more than you are comfortable with. If I were getting comments on what I do and where i go I’d be giving the middle finger to the house camera when I leave and come home until he got the message. Just tell him no tracker and the subject is closed. And I agree a thief will remove it.

Keyless entry accounts for a high % of car theft's a tracker will reduce insurance premiums. Seems sensible to me 🤷

Agree on the grounds you get to choose where it goes and if he so much as once comments something that makes you feel you're being watched/monitored, you get to remove it.

Alternatively, you buy it and register it to your phone/account, so you have the control.

Our car was stolen with the factory fitted tracker. Which was great as we could see where it was parked up and retreive it. Not so great was that the inside of the car looked like a pack of raccoons had freaked out...

If you don’t want to be watched/tracked you have the right not to be. It doesn’t matter if other people don’t mind-you do. I’m with you-this is something I would put my foot down about. Tell him if he’s worried about the car being stolen, you’ll get an air tag and register it to your account only.

And of course it will only work one way, because the AirTag will be logged to his device.

We can each see all the AirTags we have. They aren’t just locked to one account.

Oh this resonated with me. My DH recently retired and our house is like Fort Knox with security cameras. I’m never up to anything dodgy but can’t come home early from work if he is away without a message to ask why and if I’m ok. He’s not a controlling person just has too much time on his hands.
id say no to the air tag unless you set it up on a new account you both have access to