DH wants to put tracker/ AirTag in car WWYD?

[TrackerTracey]

Married nearly 30 years, all fine, no affairs or suspicions etc. However DH retired last year and in my opinion has too much time on his hands - constantly getting over involved in mine and the grown up children’s lives!

He is also big into tech and safety, and last year fitted a security camera at the front of the house which shows the front drive and cars etc. I have access to the app and live feed but I don’t have the set up codes or know how to access any recorded footage as that is all via his login and pc. At first it didn’t bother me, but I’ve become aware that he sits at his desk with the app open on screen so he can see comings and goings. He says it’s so he can see if parcels are being delivered, but occasionally he will comment about something else which makes me feel like we’re being watched (have a DS still living at home).

Anyway, we’re getting a new car and DH has announced that he wants to put an AirTag in it to track it in case it’s stolen. My initial reaction is that I don’t want this. It’s not that I’m likely to be going anywhere or doing anything bad, but I just don’t like the feeling of DH having this surveillance ability over my every move! And of course it will only work one way, because the AirTag will be logged to his device.

He says I’m overreacting and it’s just about safety in case the car is stolen, but I’m not happy about it. WWYD?

Are you a man, as your username suggests ? If so I recommend that you have a look at the many, many threads started by women who are being coercively controlled and abused by their partners. Including the very thing OP is posting about. Putting the tracker in the car, in itself is not suggestive of coercive control. Sitting on your laptop tracking everything and denying your partner access to the app and the details on it, very definitely is. Her DH has already started to question her about her movements, based on what he’s seeing on the app. Your argument doesn’t stand because the bosses you work for are only interested in your work movements, nothing more, and are sharing access to the information. DH is not. And that’s the difference.

Man or woman it shouldn't make a difference to what my thoughts or opinion is.

It's not an argument, it's an opinion...

Non of us know the actual situation, we are all just speculating our own opinion, some will be wrong like your assumption I have a boss at work :)

I know this is a mainly a female forum but it does get tiring at times that mens thoughts count for nothing.

As a foot note, many men have coercive/controlling and indeed abusive partners, it's just not widely mentioned.

Anyway, sorry for the thread derail... Hope the OP can come to a suitable outcome for all involved

It definitely does make a difference when those thoughts and opinions are as insulting as It's not an argument, part of the sensible, grown up discussion

Women are not capable of presenting a cohesive argument ? We’re not sensible ? The discussion is not grown up ? Do you know how many women have fallen victim to serious DV/coercive control which has started in exactly the same way as OP has posted ?

I absolutely agree that women are capable of being controlling and abusive partners, but that’s not the issue here. The fact is that OP’s partner is exhibiting all the red flags for this kind of behaviour and you’re trying to minimise it by presenting the male point of view. We see you.

"As a foot note, many men have coercive/controlling and indeed abusive partners, it's just not widely mentioned."

Not the same thing. Women don't physically harm and kill men. The world is also still largely designed by men for men, so it is much harder for women to escape a controlling relationship.

It's pretty offensive to come here - a site with largely women and many many many threads of women trapped in horrific and terrifying relationships - and mansplain us and tell us to consider the poor menz.

Honestly - I wouldn’t waste a cold chip on a troll.

‘Women don’t harm or kill men’ you sure about that?

not offensive at all.

actually pretty offensive to men… think about it…

Please explain where I said all those accusations?

I fully understand this place is heavily biased towards the female gender but to blatantly post I’m wrong cause I’m a man I’d rather insulting.

as mentioned, all the best to the op 👍

Seems they do want to waste a chip…

how dare someone come on here and have a different thought process and opinion??!! Dreadful behaviour 😊

Don't feed the troll.

There is something wrong with it if both parties don't agree to it. If one party insists then that is a definite red flag.

How many every week?

Ermmm what? He’ll be able to track its location and be able to find it. What do you think he’d be doing with it?

the police will do next to nothing. Traceable by its number plate that will be changed instantly is not the same as tracking.

I think you have to drive quite a while before it tells you. I found this with my AirPods and DPs temporary iPhone. It was quite awkward that he got a notification that my email address was following him but it didn’t happen until a few journeys in one day.

also, a tracker from a company is typically easy to find by thieves as they are in the same location or one of many in each car and they have machines that pick them up. Whatever we do, the thieves are one step ahead.

How many what?

How many men are killed by women.

he is a weirdo bored borderline stalker who needs a proper hobby - yuk

Just tell him you're not going to put up with feeling like you are living in The Truman Show, and that he is getting way too obsessed with all this tracking shit.

This sounds like a control thing.

He likes to be the one with the knowledge (power) and ppl have to come to him.

If this has ramped up since retirement it’s probably bc he misses his former position and wants to feel in charge. If he was in a position where he was supervising/ managing this may explain his comments about comings and goings within the house and keeping tabs on you and your son. He’s used to observing/directing other ppl.

Pain in the arse for you tho. He needs to snap out of it.

😆

Dunno, how many women killed by men? Yup no one knows

The government knows.
Its roughly 1 every 3 days in the uk.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/government-pledges-to-protect-more-women-from-violence

I would agree the tracker only if he agrees to transfer all of the doorbell stuff and the tracker to you, and stops accessing it.

Wow this needs a thread of it's own. Can't you turn it off and when she asks just say 'I've decided not to use it anymore'. If she's likely to kick-off would your siblings consider a united front & everyone turns it off together?

This, or get one linked to a company who tracks it, not him.