I've read many similar threads on here, maybe adding another will help develop a data pool for trend analysis or FAQs for other Mumsnetters (ha!) but really, I just need to recount my experience and maybe get some advice specific to my circumstances - even though it's on a common topic.
Several condoms dated 2029, together with individually wrapped wet wipes multi pack - many of which are open - found in DH travel/ work backpack. No open or used condoms, just the wipes. Been in couples' therapy for 2 years, been intimate twice or thrice in that time so I probably deserve it if he's cheating. I just thought he was still in the 'we are working on it' headspace. I was looking for pens or pencils for DS1 (6) homework last night (just moved house - no idea where the pens are yet) not looking for trouble. So I behaved calmly (I'm generally very expressive and emotional)and took out a sample of both on the floor by his bed, where I thought it would be obvious to him I had found them. I know he found them as I was flossing with my back turned as I hear me swearing and him jumping up to move them (DS1 and DS2 (3) were in their beds). The paraphernalia wasn't there when I turned and there has been no mention of it (not how I expected it to play out but determined not to be super emotional, which is what he would expect, and use to deflect from the problem at hand)
A few other things have my Spidey senses going. DH has been hugely and noticeably protective of his phone recently. He's always on it, won't show me me anything on his screen if he is looking at something and commenting on it, would rather send it to me (although he always would turn the screen to show me in the past). It never leaves his sight, it was on a charger close to me one night, next to the night stand with my water on it, I reached to get my water and he was barely awake and managed to sense, wake up and grab the phone as I reached my glass. He was never a fan of handing over his phone to DS to watch something as a distraction if we'd gotten desperate for him to sit still ( I am always happy to, unless I'm out of charge). Now, it is the only scenario where he would sooner make a scene (usually hates this) than hand it over.
He works in the office more, and goes for more conferences (locally but long days or the odd overnight) social meals and drinks after work. I thought it was due to his new job, and my job is the same. The odder thing is how many short notice travel ones he now has, they weren't mentioned to me as an initial criterion for the role.
He's been very amenable to sleeping in the guest bedroom in the last few months too. DCs have been waking up a lot at night and coming into our bed. In fact he's most recently been insisting that they start the night in bed with me while he sleeps in the guest room, citing 'we would all get better sleep'. Which we actually have.
I should ask him outright, about the condoms. Maybe tonight after the kids are down (we may not get a chance in the morning, getting kids ready, and DH is working from the office all day). But he may have gotten rid of the evidence, and he has been known to lie and gaslight in the past to get out of things.
What would you think and do? If he has been cheating, the marriage becomes irreparable, in my view - couples' therapy be damned.