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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband got a CCJ

177 replies

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 03:03

Its a long story that I wont go into but my husband being so frugal contributed to me having a mental breakdown that nearly killed me. He woulnt let us spend money on essential things even though we had over £100 K in savings.i needed to spend £600 on something vital to take the pressure off my phd submission and he refused.

I used to pay all the bills and deal with anything financial before my breakdwon becasue he couldnt be arsed to do anything financial. we never had joint accounts so all this extra money just accrued in his current account.

after I had the breakdwon I got a parking fine because I was sitting crying in a car park becasue I lost everything I ever worked for. even my physical health too. id Orem form a background of trauma and poverty and got a phd from an elite university and was producing world class research.

well try car is registered in my husbands name and he received the car park fine notice. He dismissed it and said they were hackers when all the reminders to pay were coming and threatening a county court judgement if he didnt pay. I have no clue why but he didnt pay and got a CCJ when he has around £100K in the bank.

I know I know. it is ridiculous and I also realise ive been a victim of financial abuse as well as other forms of abuse.

but how bad is this? what does it mean for us? I know it has already impacted our ability to borrow from our mortgage savings pot as our lender wrote to us and told us this.

I dont have nay income now becsue I cant owl and we lost earnings over nine years for me since I got sick as I had a good job to go to.

OP posts:
Catladywithoutacat · 20/01/2026 04:31

You file a n244 form with the court saying you never got the court paperwork and to dismiss the ccj

LifeSurvior · 20/01/2026 04:41

Whoa calm down.
From what you have written there is a parking fine
You are escalating so much, take a breath, can you think about this x

McSpoot · 20/01/2026 04:44

Catladywithoutacat · 20/01/2026 04:31

You file a n244 form with the court saying you never got the court paperwork and to dismiss the ccj

Your suggestion is that they lie?

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 05:03

Catladywithoutacat · 20/01/2026 04:31

You file a n244 form with the court saying you never got the court paperwork and to dismiss the ccj

He did get the paperwork. he just ignored it. I know he was stressed becasue of my mental illness which devastated our lives. but it was also things like this that caused me to get unwell.

He saw the letters and ignored them and thought they wouldnt take it to court.

the only grounds we might have to appeal it it so ask my doctor to write to the court I guess.

OP posts:
HappiestSleeping · 20/01/2026 05:08

Has he paid it now?

Enrichetta · 20/01/2026 05:11

Take whatever steps you can to sort out your mental health, get a job, and leave him.

Everything else is pointless and will just prolong your suffering.

NB: the CCJ is his to sort out. Don’t give it another thought. But do seek competent legal advice so you get your share of assets. First educate yourself via Wikivorce and Divorce for Dummies or similar.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 20/01/2026 05:17

I’m not surprised your MH is in tatters being married to that skinflint. Honestly, not sure what you’re getting out of this marriage?

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 05:24

HappiestSleeping · 20/01/2026 05:08

Has he paid it now?

yes he has but it wasn't in time to avoid getting the CCJ

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 20/01/2026 05:26

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 20/01/2026 05:17

I’m not surprised your MH is in tatters being married to that skinflint. Honestly, not sure what you’re getting out of this marriage?

I’ve read many of your other posts and you absolutely need to leave this guy.

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 05:28

Enrichetta · 20/01/2026 05:11

Take whatever steps you can to sort out your mental health, get a job, and leave him.

Everything else is pointless and will just prolong your suffering.

NB: the CCJ is his to sort out. Don’t give it another thought. But do seek competent legal advice so you get your share of assets. First educate yourself via Wikivorce and Divorce for Dummies or similar.

ive been very mentally unwell for nine years. I was super super competent and in an elite profession and I basically did the mental load and sorted out everythign for us and for our finances.

I have worked for a couple of years but when I went back to academia it didnt go well as I found it too triggering becasue it was stress from that that I needed money to to help me finish but spending 600 quid on transcriptions to help me.

Getting a job might be hard - I am trying.

my psychologist thinks I need to leave and that it was a fianccailly controlling marriage all along

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 05:29

Zanatdy · 20/01/2026 05:26

I’ve read many of your other posts and you absolutely need to leave this guy.

bless you kind freind. do you really think its that bad? everyone thinks hes wonderful and we did have a good life together so I dont know what ot think

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 05:30

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 20/01/2026 05:17

I’m not surprised your MH is in tatters being married to that skinflint. Honestly, not sure what you’re getting out of this marriage?

yes - he is a skinflint. that is for sure. and I didnt mind too much until he dint want me to spend money on something essential at the end of my phd which made me so stressed I went into psychosis. I wa a lovely soul before and did everything for him but im beyond angry now as I allowed everythign to be taken from me

OP posts:
GarlicSound · 20/01/2026 05:39

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 05:29

bless you kind freind. do you really think its that bad? everyone thinks hes wonderful and we did have a good life together so I dont know what ot think

I also recognise your story and agree you need to end this marriage. Your life together was only good thanks to you, your talents and your efforts, not him. I believe you will start to get well again once you're out of this burdensome, one-way relationship.

Pleased to hear your psychologist thinks so, too! It's quite unusual for them to express a definite opinion like this; that should tell you it's serious.

Elektra1 · 20/01/2026 05:43

Catladywithoutacat · 20/01/2026 04:31

You file a n244 form with the court saying you never got the court paperwork and to dismiss the ccj

That would be a lie, and the evidence he’d have to file (it would be him not her as the car is in his name, not hers) would perjure him. Which would make matters a lot worse.

Im a lawyer and have helped clients get parking fines set aside a couple of times. However in the circumstances described, there is no basis to do so. He should pay the fine, which will discharge the CCJ. And in future don’t ignore post which is obviously official and important.

Bournetilly · 20/01/2026 05:46

You need to leave, he sounds awful.

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 05:57

GarlicSound · 20/01/2026 05:39

I also recognise your story and agree you need to end this marriage. Your life together was only good thanks to you, your talents and your efforts, not him. I believe you will start to get well again once you're out of this burdensome, one-way relationship.

Pleased to hear your psychologist thinks so, too! It's quite unusual for them to express a definite opinion like this; that should tell you it's serious.

yes - I thought that too about my psychologist. I think it may help that he is a psychologist rather than a therapist. he is been trying to figure out what wring with me to go from so high flying to basically a vegetable - I went mute and catatonia in my breakdown.

the peculiar thign is that I always felt utterly inferior to my husabnd and dont have a clue why. for somebody with the level oftrauam I ahd to get a phd from an elite university on a full scholarship and win fellowships and prizes My psychologist said is unheard of. my owkr really was world class and I have lost all that.

I feel angry with myself for never standing up for myself when I was he loveliest soul, and gentle and talented. so many people loved me. every day I think about whether I would be better of no longer here. I sued ot give talks to groups of 500 people. I eve lost my Christian faith. I don know why I thought I was so lesser than him. I ws happy with him and we had a good life in may ways. im just a crazy woman now

OP posts:
justgottadoit · 20/01/2026 06:06

Take control of your life. Only you can do this. Start with a discrete call to Women’s Aid. You’ve got to get out of this toxic situation. Good luck

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 20/01/2026 06:10

i say this with kindness becuse I realise leaving or even contemplating it is so unbelievably hard… but I suspect you are so mentally unwell and unable to work/earn BECAUSE of him.

freedom from this man is also likely to gift you great freedom elsewhere in your life

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 06:16

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 20/01/2026 06:10

i say this with kindness becuse I realise leaving or even contemplating it is so unbelievably hard… but I suspect you are so mentally unwell and unable to work/earn BECAUSE of him.

freedom from this man is also likely to gift you great freedom elsewhere in your life

yes I agree with all this.

He has paid the fine now but he still has the CCJ.

id never even ahd a parking fine befroe this terrible breakdwon but I handled absolutely everything for us - he did nothign.

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 06:18

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 20/01/2026 06:10

i say this with kindness becuse I realise leaving or even contemplating it is so unbelievably hard… but I suspect you are so mentally unwell and unable to work/earn BECAUSE of him.

freedom from this man is also likely to gift you great freedom elsewhere in your life

my psychologist says the same

I was a world class thinker - (not my words but my examiners and the professors in my deaprtemtn at an elite university)

ive published books and articles in top journals

I rang Womens Aid last week

OP posts:
HappiestSleeping · 20/01/2026 06:18

If he paid it in full within one calendar month of it being issued, he can have it removed from his credit history.

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 06:18

justgottadoit · 20/01/2026 06:06

Take control of your life. Only you can do this. Start with a discrete call to Women’s Aid. You’ve got to get out of this toxic situation. Good luck

I rang them last week

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 06:19

HappiestSleeping · 20/01/2026 06:18

If he paid it in full within one calendar month of it being issued, he can have it removed from his credit history.

oh - I didnt know that was the case.

I suspect that it wasn't within a month but I will get him to check. he probably doesn't know how to even check that

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 06:20

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 20/01/2026 06:10

i say this with kindness becuse I realise leaving or even contemplating it is so unbelievably hard… but I suspect you are so mentally unwell and unable to work/earn BECAUSE of him.

freedom from this man is also likely to gift you great freedom elsewhere in your life

I am a total husky and shell of myself

OP posts:
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 06:21

justgottadoit · 20/01/2026 06:06

Take control of your life. Only you can do this. Start with a discrete call to Women’s Aid. You’ve got to get out of this toxic situation. Good luck

how do you pick up it is so toxic? did oyu read my other posts?

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