My husband got a CCJ

[LucyLoo1972]

Its a long story that I wont go into but my husband being so frugal contributed to me having a mental breakdown that nearly killed me. He woulnt let us spend money on essential things even though we had over £100 K in savings.i needed to spend £600 on something vital to take the pressure off my phd submission and he refused.

I used to pay all the bills and deal with anything financial before my breakdwon becasue he couldnt be arsed to do anything financial. we never had joint accounts so all this extra money just accrued in his current account.

after I had the breakdwon I got a parking fine because I was sitting crying in a car park becasue I lost everything I ever worked for. even my physical health too. id Orem form a background of trauma and poverty and got a phd from an elite university and was producing world class research.

well try car is registered in my husbands name and he received the car park fine notice. He dismissed it and said they were hackers when all the reminders to pay were coming and threatening a county court judgement if he didnt pay. I have no clue why but he didnt pay and got a CCJ when he has around £100K in the bank.

I know I know. it is ridiculous and I also realise ive been a victim of financial abuse as well as other forms of abuse.

but how bad is this? what does it mean for us? I know it has already impacted our ability to borrow from our mortgage savings pot as our lender wrote to us and told us this.

I dont have nay income now becsue I cant owl and we lost earnings over nine years for me since I got sick as I had a good job to go to.

He’s not a red herring.
Judging him by his actions it is obvious to us that he is a big part of the problem.
It seems as if are frightened of letting go of him.
That’s quite understandable.
He’s been a huge part of your life.

you are probably right. we have been together for 30 years. until my breakdown I thought everythign was completely wonderful.

im a very deeply feeling person and I love very deeply so its very difficult. I also feel responsible for making his life a living hell for nine years.

AI says, so I assume he didn't pay within one month. Has he got it marked as satisfied?

What to Do If You Get a CCJ:

1. Pay Within One Month: Pay the full amount and inform the court; the CCJ can be removed from the register, leaving no lasting record.
2. Pay After One Month: Get proof of payment and notify the court to mark it as 'satisfied'; it stays on your file for six years but shows you've paid.
3. Check Your Credit File: Regularly check with Experian, Equifax, or TransUnion to see your CCJ status.

I will get him to check that

it was only 200 quid thats the ridiculous thing - it was sheer incompetence. He has an incredibly senior job so it beggars belief

but he never had to pay a bill in his life - I did it all.

I checked his credit file and it didnt seem to have made much difference - his credit score was impeccable before. we had never had a single default becasue I looked after our finances.

Everything was wonderful because you worked so hard.
You aren’t responsible for him not being able to look after himself whilst you were ill.
You are responsible for looking after yourself now.

Agreed, everything was wonderful because of YOU.

You did everything, organised everything, paid everything, while he hoarded his £100k+. He actively tried to make your life extremely difficult by withholding the £600 for transcriptions. I bet he did other things to hold you back, too, not least in failing to support you while you were unwell.

Is it not surprising that, in light of your career successes, you couldn't lay your hands on £600?

Are the savings now in accounts you can access, at least?

yes it is surprising

I would be interested to go back and look at all our bank accounts over the years

No - the savings have dwindled in any case since ive been unwell.

there is another account but its in his name and that has an ISA that we took out 23 years ago to pay the capital on our mortgage

I still dont have access to any money regularly except my mums inheritance money and I need to do soemthing about this

He did do others thigns to hold me back yes. I didnt have an adequate space to work at home for one thing

he never really celebrated ym successes in the university. for example he never came ot any of the dinners in the 'Hogwarts' castle hall that I was entitled to go to. he never really celebrated my successes when other spouses did.

well just to update.

today I went to view a beautiful little flat by the sea

I also had a long discussion with a woman who I have met recently in a nice industry which I have specialist knowledge in and she has said she will work with me to help me set up a small business from home in this area

I then met with soem friends who have encouraged me to move and will support me. one of them has agreed to be a guarantor for a mortgage for me to ocever the gap in tiem before my mums estate os fully settled (I have received the cash amounts but there is still equity in one of her houses which is still to be sold).

so I just wanted ot give a little update

@LucyLoo1972 you mention the ISA from 23 years ago - did that get used to pay off your mortgage capital in the end?

Oh, @LucyLoo1972. It's wonderful to hear you have good, supportive friends! This is so important.

Taking an overview: You were raised in an oppressive religious environment, which no doubt claimed to care deeply for your personal and spiritual wellbeing while, in fact, abusing the child you were. Having hauled yourself out of that mess, you went on to make a name for yourself as a liberator for victims of religious oppression - while still placing faith in the religion. You married a man who claimed to care deeply for you while, in fact, using you financially and probably emotionally. Having slowly come to recognise the unfairness inherent in your relationship, you still placed faith and trust in the man.

You seem to have felt strongly, personally responsible to both the religion and the man, protecting their reputations and believing in the best against all evidence to the contrary.

It is a lifetime of intense cognitive dissonance. You deserve a lot of credit for coming to face the raw facts which, necessarily, calls for a rethink of your personal values and re-evaluation of your emotional drivers. These are difficult things to confront!

Please keep going. You're doing so well

It would normally be 25 years to fulfilment, wouldn't it?

Good point. My concern was more around is the money still in it or has he done something with it … if it has grown enough you could pay off the capital early, barring early redemption penalties. Was worried @LucyLoo1972 might find it gone!

I certainly was subject to intense cognitive dissonance. if I could talk publicly about the nature of the research you'd be open mouthed. I cant because it relates to a major news story.

all of what you say is correct except my family was not religious. my Dad was athesit and my mum occasional church goer but not really a believer. it was as a teenager I ws converted to evangelical Christianity through summer camps that I went on becasue my mum had to work in the school holidays and we had nowhere else to go really.

yes it would. I havent been able to bear to look at finical thigns for a long time. its. hard to explain how bad my mental health has been. at one point I believed I was actually a serpent like out of the garden of Eden. as well s believing I was being used by the Devil to bring down the church. if you knew the news story my research related to you would see how sick it is that I believed that and now have physical disabilities from ym psychosis

I took out a mortgage that was very very preferential all those years ago. it has no penalties.

I am pretty certain my husabnd haste spent it or siphoned it off - I hoesnly don even believe he knows where it is.

we have about £20 k left to pay on our mortgage and I think around £80 K in that ISA

most of the £100K he had when I got unwell has been spent as ive not worked for 9 years

Agree.

@LucyLoo1972 please do what you can to secure your share of the ISA then

And sorry the abuse I had as a child was domestic violence, physical violence, sexual abuse, alcoholic father, mentally unwell mother and poverty

I will try to find out where it is up to and how to access it. its in his name so I might need to go a legal route if he wont give it up

Unsurprising that you were vulnerable to the evangelists' promises, then 😥

I know - right I agree

And also that on some deep level I didnt even access I had deep shame I didnt even know aobut. And then when I started to question all the shit in the religious community I was in I ended up believing I was wrong

there are some good Christians out there of a gentler and kinder sort - my find who is acting as a guarantor is a lovely social justice kind of Christian pastor whom loves people

my friend who is acting as a guarantor is a lovely social justice kind of Christian pastor

Good to hear - they do exist 🙂 Just DON'T start feeling you owe him anything! Courtesy, yes. Happiness, problem-solving or rescue: no and no.

yes I dont. and in any case it will be very temporary measure until my mums house is sold