Page 9 | Guy I’m dating said I was lazy in bed and it’s knocked my confidence

Barnestine · 20/01/2026 19:37

Dump

TwinklySquid · 20/01/2026 22:05

56brumm · 18/01/2026 22:02

Hi, I’m 39 I have battled with confidence issues for many years.
when I met my longest relationship he use to tell me when we were young teens I was rubbish in bed or didn’t know what I was doing.
when I hit 30s we separated.
I dated a guy the sex was amazing and I found my confidence. But he turned out to be a not so nice man.
I have dated two other people.
the guy im dating now we have been having amazing sex. He has told me for months it the best sex he’s had mind blowing and so on.
over last couple of weeks tho he is now said a few times that im lazy. I’m not, I engage in many different positions granted he does do more. There has also been a couple of occasions we he has said he’s done all the work when I asked for it again.
I am unfit so when I’m on top my legs hurt after while but other than that I’m very confident in all ways.
im now simply losing confidence because I don’t understand how it can go from best sex he’s had to I’m lazy and he does all the work. I have said well what can I do and he’s not give me any constructive and just says I’m joking.
is this a red flag been dating for around 4 months

He’s trying to knock your confidence. I’d put money on him either doing it so he can convince you to do something you may not be into or to see how much you’d take by testing the waters.

Throw this one back in the sea. If he thinks he’s so good in bed, he’ll find someone else soon enough.

When I was a lot younger, I had a bloke Make comment about my performance once. I’d never had any complaints before. He was no Casanova but a cocky sod. So before I dumped him, I invited him around, started having sex and then I started to yawn and act disinterested. I even asked “ was it in yet”. To which he replied “ It’s been in for a while .” Just before he finished, I got up and said I was bored and he could go home now. He left but the next day he was trying to get me to agree to meet again . If anything he was more keen having had his ego knocked a bit. I did agree to meet for coffee a few weeks later and he got me flowers and chocolates. I blocked him after the meet.

I wouldn’t be that confident now and I’m not saying do what I did. But it really did feel good at the time 😂.

Planesmistakenforstars · 21/01/2026 08:06

Lavagirl · 20/01/2026 18:39

I'm also single and dating. I don't think that asking other people to class things as 'red flags' or not is useful. It's like asking people what the rules are.... but really there are no rules, you have to make them for yourself by setting boundaries you're comfortable with, and understanding his better too.
I'd suggest that you have a kind of 'light but serious' conversation with him about sex, explaining that you'd like to know that you're both happy with how things are going. Tell him that you're open to suggestions, and that you hope he is too... then perhaps you can both share the things you want. If you don't feel they line up, sack it off. But give him chance to tell you first, then you can make your own judgement and not rely on anyone else's?
I feel like a lot of people here have been in established relationships for a long time and (no offense) are very keen to say 'red flag, get rid'. But sometimes it's about understanding behaviour better, not just dumping at the first sign of complications. Good luck x

There are rules. One of those rules Lava"girl" is consent. The OP has told her bf she does not want anal sex. She has clearly stated this boundary. She has clearly stated what she is not comfortable with. She has made her own judgement that she does not want anal sex. There should be no further discussion, no means no. This is not a "complication." Any attempt by him to persuade, cajole, sulk, pester at all about it is an attempt to ignore her consent. We perfectly understand his behaviour. Good luck with reading future posts better x

Lavagirl · 21/01/2026 19:39

Planesmistakenforstars · 21/01/2026 08:06

There are rules. One of those rules Lava"girl" is consent. The OP has told her bf she does not want anal sex. She has clearly stated this boundary. She has clearly stated what she is not comfortable with. She has made her own judgement that she does not want anal sex. There should be no further discussion, no means no. This is not a "complication." Any attempt by him to persuade, cajole, sulk, pester at all about it is an attempt to ignore her consent. We perfectly understand his behaviour. Good luck with reading future posts better x

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"Planesmisakenforstars", isn't it abundantly clear that my response was posted waaaay before any conversation about anal sex? Also: responding to a strangers' comments with such unbridled fury suggests that there's something going on for you. I suggest you address it.

aquashiv · 21/01/2026 22:59

You suggest, 'Anal,' to buy a large strap-on and a BDSM paddle to discipline his arrogant backside. Hot wax his testicles. If he protests, label him as boring and vanilla.