Guy I’m dating said I was lazy in bed and it’s knocked my confidence

[56brumm]

Hi, I’m 39 I have battled with confidence issues for many years.
when I met my longest relationship he use to tell me when we were young teens I was rubbish in bed or didn’t know what I was doing.
when I hit 30s we separated.
I dated a guy the sex was amazing and I found my confidence. But he turned out to be a not so nice man.
I have dated two other people.
the guy im dating now we have been having amazing sex. He has told me for months it the best sex he’s had mind blowing and so on.
over last couple of weeks tho he is now said a few times that im lazy. I’m not, I engage in many different positions granted he does do more. There has also been a couple of occasions we he has said he’s done all the work when I asked for it again.
I am unfit so when I’m on top my legs hurt after while but other than that I’m very confident in all ways.
im now simply losing confidence because I don’t understand how it can go from best sex he’s had to I’m lazy and he does all the work. I have said well what can I do and he’s not give me any constructive and just says I’m joking.
is this a red flag been dating for around 4 months

Sounds like he's trying to make you feel grateful and willing to do anything to prove you're not lazy.
So he wants something you've either said no to or he thinks you'll say no to, oh I wonder what it could be 🙄

Or he's intimidated by your confidence.

Who knows why and it's a red flag regardless, not being able to explain what he means shows it's not really what he thinks.

If you think someone is lazy, you know what you mean and can explain it further. He's playing mind games 🚩 🚩 🚩

Ditch him. I think he's lazy and wants you to do all the work and pleasure him and he's guilt tripping and conditioning.you into it. He will take it outside the bedrooom and soon you'll be in an abusive relationship. Get out. Nobody should make you feel small in or out of the bedroom.

That would ruin it for me if someone said that. I wouldn't want to do it again with him

Have you questioned him? Like when he says it, what is your response? I’d be calling him out, asking for examples and reminding him exactly what I do for him in bed!

Not a nice man op. You can do much better!

If he had any serious issues he would talk to you kindly about it outside of the bedroom like a grown up and try and suggest you work it out together. He wouldn’t set out to destroy your confidence.

Text him to say thanks for the memories but you are hauling your lazy arse away to where it’s appreciated! 😉

He is a dick. No nice person would say that in a jokey way.

Ok so reading comments he pesters for anal and I’ve said no. He doesn’t let it drop some times.

although I allow my confidence to take a knock I’m in a good career earn well. More than him and I’m bloody good in bed. Nothing has changed since we started I do think he’s trying to knock me down a peg or too. Seeing all your comments Made me realise.

Urghh. Get rid. That would give me the ick. Big time.

Of course he does. That's no surprise. I bet if you told him you'd try it if he let you peg him first he wouldn't be so keen.

Yeah, he's not a good one. Nobody should ever bully or pester someone into doing something they don't want to do. Sorry OP. Only you can decide but I do think you deserve better. Someone who respects you and your choices and is 'on your side'.

Leave the bastard. He's trying to wear you down so that you'll give in to anal.

I know some words and terms for men who don't respect a woman's "no". "Boundary violator" is one of the nicer ones...

‘I’m bloody good in bed ‘

Thats great . But what about when you’re exhausted after having children. Or when you’re sick. Or when you are sad.

You don’t have to be bloody good in bed to deserve love . Please . I’d be heartbroken if my daughter ever felt this. Your a lovely and successful woman , writing on an Internet forum because some jerk of 4 months is tying to grind you down until you have anal sex.
After 4 Months ?

Please do not accept this. He sounds dreadful. Leave now . Please xxx

This 100%

Get rid!!

So he wants pornstar sex with his own sexdoll? And he’s a grubby little sex pest who sulks when he doesn’t get his own way

Brin the twat off and let him use his own right hand

Get him gone.

Pestering you for someone you don’t want and repeating it.

Negging you with disgusting comments about your performance so he can get his own way/control you.

Nope.

4 months in and his mask is now slipping. This is who he is!

So basically he is trying to coerce you into a sexual act you don't want to do.
And is trying to destroy your confidence so he can get you to do whatever he wants just to gain his approval.
He sounds horrible OP.

I think you've seen the best of him and he's now on a downward decline. Let him go before he seriously impacts your self esteem.

Another man who thinks life is a porn film … what a prick.

For future reference, do not tell your next boyfriend your vulnerabilities, particularly from your past relationships. Some men prey on this.

Following your update about anal, he could be manipulating you to get you to agree to it. Either way, it sounds like this new relationship has run it's course already. You're no longer compatible. Move on.

He thinks you’re lazy because you won’t flip over and let him have anal despite you telling him
no,

Any man who tries to coerce you into doing something in bed that you’ve said no to is not a man who you should be involved with

ditch
and I don’t say this lightly

There you have it OP , you told him how your Ex use to put you down about sex before & it really affected your self confidence, & here he is doing the same thing , he’s a manipulative mind fuck .
Fuck him away off .
I think you’ll be sorry if you don’t.

He’s not joking, he is getting fed up.

I think you’d need to flip it and see how you would feel if he said his legs got tired when he was on top so you had to be on top most of the time? Would you be happy with that?

The red flag for me is how he’s approached it - he could have been more considerate, but ultimately sex is 50/50. If you’re happy otherwise, I would start doing some squats and getting on top!

Did you miss the bit where he's pressurising her into anal sex she doesn't want and won't drop it?