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Original poster

Life is pointless when your single

237 replies

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:17

How can you stop feeling like life is pointless empty or sad if you don’t have a partner? I really wish I was one of those people that loved or embraced being single but I don’t I absolutely hate it. The only reason I stay single is because I’m a single parent and have my kids full time so can’t make a relationship work. If I didn’t I would be doing anything I could to find a loving relationship. I just feel life is better when you have someone by your side, to share it with. Is it normal to feel this way? I’m in my 30s so most people are settling down now and I feel like I will be alone forever.

OP posts:
LilacFinch81 · 31/12/2025 15:19

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EarthSight · 31/12/2025 15:20

It sort of is, but I'd be concerned that you feel this way and you have a child.

As a childless woman, I think having a child must give most people so much meaning & purpose?

arcticpandas · 31/12/2025 15:21

Life can feel lonely with a husband as well. Tbh I focus on my kids and don't have much interaction with dh unless it's about practical stuff. I would love to be single but I'm a sahm and one child disabled and wouldn't be able to be there for him if I had to work as well. DH brings in money but that's about it. So if I would win the lottery I would divorce in a heartbeat. No, I would wait until DS1 is in supported living because a divorce would break him.

WLINewbie · 31/12/2025 15:21

Set aside a few hours to read some of the posts on here, especially the relationships board, and you might find being single isn't so bad after all.

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 31/12/2025 15:21

I’m sure your child would be delighted to know that you find life with them pointless. Being in a romantic relationship really, really isn’t the be all and end all, and it’s a million times being single (for your own and your DC’s sake) than to be with the wrong person because you’re scared of being alone.

Ilovelurchers · 31/12/2025 15:22

I genuinely don't mean this unkindly, but if I was you I would seek therapy to work on this. I used to feel like this and it blighted my life - I went from shit relationship to shit relationship and was never happy on my own.

I did quite a lot of inner work and now I actually love being single (and consequently find it a lot easier to attract romantic interest too if I want it, because confidence and self sufficiency are hugely attractive.

It's just a state of mind - you can change it, with effort.

Marry yourself, before you marry another.

harlemshake · 31/12/2025 15:25

I(37m) have been single since my ex left with out child earlier this year, i had all the "I am gonna focus on me" mindset but the lonely dinners, cannot chat to anyone during binge TV shows etc has proved what you are saying here.

Yes i have friends but they go back to their partners and wives/husbands.

We need a partner in life, no matter how social you are with friends. Forget what a lonely person or someone in an unhappy marriage will tell you; It was fun being single in my 20s but in my 30s, all my circle is in relationships or trying to find one.

I am single and my depression is creeping back on day by day.

The Apprentice was just on the other night, I turned it off within 5 minutes because I cannot do commentary alone.

LochSunart · 31/12/2025 15:25

Ilovelurchers · 31/12/2025 15:22

I genuinely don't mean this unkindly, but if I was you I would seek therapy to work on this. I used to feel like this and it blighted my life - I went from shit relationship to shit relationship and was never happy on my own.

I did quite a lot of inner work and now I actually love being single (and consequently find it a lot easier to attract romantic interest too if I want it, because confidence and self sufficiency are hugely attractive.

It's just a state of mind - you can change it, with effort.

Marry yourself, before you marry another.

^^This. At the same time, your feelings are valid and are well within the range of what's 'normal'.

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:25

Ilovelurchers · 31/12/2025 15:22

I genuinely don't mean this unkindly, but if I was you I would seek therapy to work on this. I used to feel like this and it blighted my life - I went from shit relationship to shit relationship and was never happy on my own.

I did quite a lot of inner work and now I actually love being single (and consequently find it a lot easier to attract romantic interest too if I want it, because confidence and self sufficiency are hugely attractive.

It's just a state of mind - you can change it, with effort.

Marry yourself, before you marry another.

as Per my post I have not dated jumped from relationship to relationship, I have remained fully single.

OP posts:
Notmycircusnotmyotter · 31/12/2025 15:28

Poor kids. Romantic relationships aren't everything. Your children should be. Therapy perhaps?

DoAWheelie · 31/12/2025 15:29

It sounds more like you have depression rather than a lack of partner.

I was widowed a little under 2 years ago and I don't feel like my life is pointless. I wake up each morning with a list of things I want to do that day.

I miss my late OH immensely and feel sad when I think about him but it doesn't overshadow my entire life. I have no desire to find a replacement for him and I don't feel like my life is less worth living now that he is gone just (very) different.

I think you need to talk to your GP about how you are feeling and see if you can get some therapy sorted.

Lifestooshort71 · 31/12/2025 15:32

Sending you a hug - can't read and run 💐

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:32

It isn’t the same thing at all. I wish I was fulfilled by just having children but no I’m not. also children grow up and have their own lives.

OP posts:
Notmycircusnotmyotter · 31/12/2025 15:36

Fair enough OP. I can't relate at all. I have my children and friends and because of them I feel no need for a man.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 31/12/2025 15:37

There might be something in what PP said - do you feel depressed otherwise? I think talking it through with someone might help:

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:37

Theres also more to life than being a mum. Most women don’t want their sole purpose in life to be a mother.

OP posts:
PeonyPatch · 31/12/2025 15:37

Everyone deserves love and to be in a loving relationship. However, I wouldn’t say that being single means life is pointless. As a childless woman, I too find it strange that you present with such meaningless when you have a child. I know they cannot fulfil you completely (nothing can), but surely they provide you with some sense of purpose, meaning and identity? Personally, I’d recommend some therapy because I don’t think it’s healthy to feel devoid of purpose if not in a romantic relationship.

What about being in a romantic relationship fulfils you? Are you idealising it too much? Might be unrealistic

HoppityBun · 31/12/2025 15:37

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:25

as Per my post I have not dated jumped from relationship to relationship, I have remained fully single.

Show quote history

It’s not being suggested that you have jumped from relationship to relationship. @Ilovelurchers was sympathising and explained the effect of those feelings on her and what she did about that

HipHopDontYouStop · 31/12/2025 15:39

Dear god. What happened to you to think the most important thing is to have a partner?

SnowDaysAndBadLays · 31/12/2025 15:39

I don't want a partner, I'm single by choice and I love it.

LeftoversAgain · 31/12/2025 15:43

following

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:43

HipHopDontYouStop · 31/12/2025 15:39

Dear god. What happened to you to think the most important thing is to have a partner?

Well it kind of is, children grow up and move out then you will be left alone. If you base your whole life around your children you will probably end up alone and miserable.

OP posts:
PeonyPatch · 31/12/2025 15:44

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:43

Well it kind of is, children grow up and move out then you will be left alone. If you base your whole life around your children you will probably end up alone and miserable.

Show quote history

There are many people in unhappy and lonely relationships, OP. What do you have to say about that?

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:45

PeonyPatch · 31/12/2025 15:44

There are many people in unhappy and lonely relationships, OP. What do you have to say about that?

Show quote history

I’m not talking about unhappy relationships; if you are in an unhappy relationship that’s obviously not the kind of relationship I’m talking about. But equally not everyone single is happy and not all relationships are unhappy.

OP posts:
singswithitsfingers · 31/12/2025 15:45

Hi OP. Being single definitely doesn't make life pointless, but being a single parent is really tough and that should not be underestimated. Do you have family support? Close friends? Other single mum friends you can talk to? Posting on Mumsnet is a positive step as there is lots of support here. Christmas/New Year can be a difficult time when it looks like everyone else is coupled up. Sending you a hug Flowers and wishing you a positive new year.