Life is pointless when your single

[OnionOnions]

How can you stop feeling like life is pointless empty or sad if you don’t have a partner? I really wish I was one of those people that loved or embraced being single but I don’t I absolutely hate it. The only reason I stay single is because I’m a single parent and have my kids full time so can’t make a relationship work. If I didn’t I would be doing anything I could to find a loving relationship. I just feel life is better when you have someone by your side, to share it with. Is it normal to feel this way? I’m in my 30s so most people are settling down now and I feel like I will be alone forever.

My sympathy ran out when OP insists on not doing the one simple thing that would let her go out for the evening: use a sitter. When people make a rod for their own back, that's a "them" problem.

And your response is patronising and makes assumptions.

Nowhere in my post did I say or even imply that a parent's life is automatically easy or enjoyable, especially a single parent. Parents get lonely too, for one thing.

I was talking about meaning and purpose, not how easy life is.

lol, but you’ll invite a new bloke back to meet your kids within weeks of meeting them I would wager. They will ‘adore him’ - aka play with them for two seconds, then follow their mums lead of adoring him simply because he’s a man, no other bar required. Despite not being DBS checked, plus the sex that commit nearly all the crime; but no, not a qualified female childminder.

Friends who are single/divorced, with and without kids, often say they feel happier without having someone to answer to, can do what they want when they want so to speak. They seem to make extra effort with socialising and enjoy the freedom of more casual relationships. A couple of them have mentioned they miss snuggles but that's all. Xx

Then you are, at least in part, choosing to be single. Which is fine, but own your choice.

If you’re not happy being single, get a babysitter and get out there.

Just because you don’t like the options doesn’t mean you don’t still have options.

It's relentless as a single parent; apart from anything else you're probably shattered. You've made the decision not to date while your kids are young, and to put them first. But, happy mum = happy kids. Can you get some rest and self care, then think about what changes you could make next year? Do you work,could you change hours or role to free up time for an exercise class or a hobby for example? Yes your kids will probably move out when they are grown up, but I dont think you want to look back at their childhoods as a time you were really unhappy. You don't say how old the youngest is, but you have X years left until you can get back out there and date. Try to enjoy it

It always feels like people want what they haven't got. Rural folk envious of people living in a city or town with all the things to do, shops, theatres, cinemas, public transport, etc. People in cities envying the low crime rates, the fresher air, the beautiful scenery, and the community spirit in the countryside. People with young kids envying those whose kids have grown and left home, people with kids who left home a decade ago envying people who still have kids at home.

I'm not sure many married people/people in a relationship envy single people though. You will get people on here saying they are single, and LOADS of people say they envy them being single. I think if this is true, people are saying it to make people feel better, because secretly, they don't envy them at all, and prefer their own situation to the singletons, and would hate to be in their position...

I have been single, lived alone, travelled alone, and have been in a few relationships before I met DH (married 30-ish years now,) and prefer being in a couple.. Despite ups and downs in my marriage, I have never envied single people. I remember how lonely I felt, and how I looked wistfully at couples, wishing I could meet someone. I struggled financially a bit too.

Yes I KNOW some people do fine alone, and flourish and fly, and live their best life, but IMO this is more people who have been married/in a relationship for some years, and then become single by getting divorced or widowed, and they stay single because their marriage was bad, OR their marriage was good, and their partner died, and they have no wish to find another partner..

tl;dr, YANBU @OnionOnions being pretty much perma-single is not the wonderful, carefree, lovely life some make it out to be (for many people.) Some people I know struggle financially, as well as struggling with loneliness... I'm not sure I agree that life is pointless when you're single! But YANBU to feel this yourself. That is your prerogative.

I hope 2026 brings you a wonderful new partner, and you end next year with a kiss on New Year's Eve from them! 😘

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No, embrace it. There are lots of happy women in relationships, but lots that cannot see how to get free.

I did use a babysitter, but not often. Financially I really couldn’t afford it. And honestly, plenty of times I wondered why I had bothered to spend the money as some of them were idiots, which only became apparent IRL... 🤣
Is money maybe be part of the problem OP?

Support, not a man, was actually what I was missing. I don’t think life is pointless when you’re single but I can understand that it sometimes feels that way without support and company, and not just for a fleeting moment.

Chin up.

And yet clearly some people see my life as pointless. It's really upsetting to be honest. I've never ever heard something so hurtful or anything that has dimished my entire existence so quickly. I'm floored.

I find this massively offensive. So those of us who are single might as well kill ourselves as our life is pointless?

Life is what you make it, one finds meaning in all sorts of things. At the end of the day life is objectively pointless, in that we are all accidents of birth and there is no external authority judging you or rules against which to “score” oneself. If you are unhappy, fine, do something about it ,though frankly if the only thing you think will make life worthwhile is to be in a couple I feel sorry for you and your lack of imagination- as my gran used to say “only boring people are bored”.

A small part but I wouldn’t leave my children with someone I didn’t know the idea of going online and finding a stranger to look after your children is bizarre to me and not something I would do even if I could afford it.

Have you read my post properly? I’ve been single since my youngest was conceived almost a decade ago 😂

The single parents I know that date do it when their kids are with the father or at parents/ relatives houses. I do not know a single person that hires a stranger online and neither would I.

not sure many married people/people in a relationship envy single people though. You will get people on here saying they are single, and LOADS of people say they envy them being single. I think if this is true, people are saying it to make people feel better, because secretly, they don't envy them at all, and prefer their own situation to the singletons, and would hate to be in their position...

I agree with this 100%

I was referring to going on a date - not the babysitters! 😂

I felt like my life was pointless when I was single. Then met my DH and have been with him in a happy, loving relationship for over 10 years…but still feel like my life is pointless. Turns out I’m just depressed.

Your life is not pointless OP, I’m sorry you‘re struggling to be happy while single…but I can guarantee that being in a relationship won’t fix this feeling 💐

I get it OP, romantic love (the good kind, with a good person) is a daily source of real joy and happiness that can be both thrilling/exciting and comforting. That’s not to say familial/motherly love isn’t also a source of happiness and purpose (which you’ve acknowledged) or that other things aren’t too, but they are quite different feelings and as you say, kids live with you for 18-20 years or so only.

This is a very negative way of looking at ops comment. I read the ops comment, and just felt sorry for her. Sorry for her that she’s trapped because she thinks that without a man her life is pointless. It didn’t make me think for a single second that my life is pointless, same situation on paper, because I think mine is wonderful.

Oh I see no that’s not really it. I don’t think dates have to be expensive. Although adding in a sitter would make it expensive and not worth it.

Not everyone thinks the same. This has really knocked me. I'm glad it hasn't for you.

This is my feelings. I’m not saying anyone else’s life is pointless. This is how I feel. You are taking it a bit personal.

Yup, I read it. And that’s why I wrote ‘I would wager’. I think that because I think that when you do date, you are so desperate unfortunately, that you won’t recognise a baddun, and will make up their entire personality in your head. That is what happens when you are in a place whereby you think your life is pointless without a man.

it’s all by the by anyway if you’re youngest is 10. They’ll be in secondary next year, will be able to be home alone so you can date as you like.

Yeah I am taking it personally. It's like a punch to the gut. Is my life worthless? Do others see my life as pointless? Thank you so much for making me feel like absolute shit tonight.

My youngest isn’t 10 she’s 8 she will not be in secondary school for 3 years.