Life is pointless when your single

[OnionOnions]

How can you stop feeling like life is pointless empty or sad if you don’t have a partner? I really wish I was one of those people that loved or embraced being single but I don’t I absolutely hate it. The only reason I stay single is because I’m a single parent and have my kids full time so can’t make a relationship work. If I didn’t I would be doing anything I could to find a loving relationship. I just feel life is better when you have someone by your side, to share it with. Is it normal to feel this way? I’m in my 30s so most people are settling down now and I feel like I will be alone forever.

@OnionOnions I can relate to what you've said and I think our socialisation has a lot to do with it.

My Mum (among other gifts) trained me to believe I was nothing without a man.

The posters being rather pointed about your bravely and vulnerably shared view have clearly (and fortunately for them) never suffered from this feeling.

My DH died too young and I've since extracted myself from an emotionally abusive relationship that I stayed in far too long.

I'd like nothing more than to wake on the first day of 2026 with a man I love, but it's not happening.

Therapy may help as well as trying to identify which needs you can meet through other people or alone.

I do hear you, though. It is exhausting to be without a team mate xxx

Alone is great. It means freedom. It’s really important to be able to be happy on your own. To forge new interests. Develop new connections.

I have 4 dcs. Two are adults. When the younger two leave, I will have a lovely freedom.

If you base your entire life around your partner, the same is likely to happen. You know who you should base your entire life around? You! You are the only person who is going to stay with you forever. You are the main character in your life.
What you are feeling is very common but I don't for a second believe it is normal. It tells me that you don't have a sense of identity, possibly you don't like yourself as a person and, therefore, you need external validation from a partner.
What are your hobbies, interests, inner world? Who/where are your friends? Can you sit with yourself for a minute and enjoy your company? If not, why not.

Relationship is never a solution. It's never a story of "two halves". A good relationship is a story of "two wholes" who meet to offer an equal exchange of energy in each others' lives. If one person relies on the other to "complete" them, What's the other partner getting out of it?

And being alone doesn't mean being "alone AND miserable". You can be alone and miserable, alone and happy, partnered up and miserable and so on.

I can absolutely see where you are coming from @OnionOnions ,and have been single myself for years. At the beginning I had real feelings of pointlessness. I remember phoning my mum one evening when I was out walking in the dark because I felt vulnerable, and then just bursting into tears and saying "I don't want to be on my own forever. I'm so lonely"

6 years later and I'm happy to be single. If I meet someone now then I know ill be with them for the right reasons, rather than because I don't want to be alone iyswim. I honestly believe that you have to learn to love yourself, and be happy on your own before expecting someone else to love you.

But it is so hard.

The loneliest time in my life was in a relationship. I'm really happy as a single parent

I’ve been on my own with the kids for over 6yrs. I divorced my ex as our marriage was unsustainable and frankly a nightmare (v long story). So becoming single was - for me - a relief. Yes I felt shit at times (I felt like a failure when we split but I realise that isn’t my shame or my fault) but overall, things were/are good.

I do sometimes wish I had a partner but i bloody love being single: I have wonderful friends (also single) and some great hobbies. So that’s enough for me. My kids are 12 and 19 now, so I am making sure I do stuff with them but also have hobbies of my own.

I completely get where you're coming from. I have been there. But I was depressed. It felt so real the "no point to life thing, just here for the kids" that it took a long time to ask for help. Ring GP practice and say you're depressed - I was shocked to be passed onto mental health guys without even seeing at GP. But my goodness they were amazing and the pills have turned my life around. This joy that other people have, the no need for a man brigade, it comes. Just the happiness of being alive and enjoying day to day life. It's honestly not your status it's depression and you don't need to live that way.

Being single is fun in your 20s of if you have no responsibilities

Thanks to those that understand where I’m coming from

Look, I accept you’re unhappy, but I actually find your thread title offensive. You might find your life pointless but lots of single people are making significant contributions to humanity and the planet. Sometimes, being single is what allows them the freedom to do it.

You're right, and that applies to being a father - though it's far less common for people to think "being a father" should satisfy all a man's needs. Also - children of fulfilled mothers are happier (in my opinion!)

It’s just my opinion.

Theres also more to life than being a mum. Most women don’t want their sole purpose in life to be a mother.
But there's also more to life than being a wife or girlfriend. It's really sad that you feel like your life is pointless when you've got kids and that you're not happy in your own company.

Do you have much childcare available? Do you have friends to spend time with or a chance to do hobbies and spend time doing things that interest you? I've been single for years and a lone parent, I had no family close by to help with childcare so I know how tough that can be to go out.

My mum felt like this after her spouse died.

She kept saying life wasn’t worth living without a partner, there was no point or purpose to her existence, there was nothing left for her that had any meaning.

That felt pretty shitty to hear, as the adult daughter who had completely upended my own life and moved my family across the world to be there for her and spend time with her as she got older.

I knew she was grieving, but even so, it hurt to be told that all my love and effort and sacrifice meant precisely nothing to her.

I know it is hard to be a single parent and the only adult in the household. But if you really believe life is pointless without a partner, please seek some emotional support as your DC will feel this.

No it’s just me and the children. I don’t have any family help. Hence why I won’t date.

OP, you need to start doing things for you.

I have been single 10 years. Have 3 kids.

At first I was dating and trying desperately to get into a relationship. Was lonely and sad a lot.

Then I did a degree, got some self respect, surrounded myself with love from friendships and family.

And now I've never been happier. I've been diagnosed with a chronic neurological condition this year, but still, happier than ever. I cannot imagine ever being with a man again tbh. It certainly wouldn't make me happier.

As has been said, you need to learn to love yourself and your life! The first step is doing what you want to do.

I'm also a single parent and fully single for 4 years. I miss my marriage and being married but not being in a bad relationship.

Shift your focus to your kids and embrace making their childhood the best you can and enjoying this time now. There's no use wishing your life away. There's time later for dating and relationships. That's how I feel anyway.

Well yes but very few mothers feel their lives are pointless without a man.

You are definitely the outlier here OP. I agree with PP, therapy might help build your self esteem so you can see that you are enough.

You are a whole person in your own right. You are not missing a vital piece that can only be filled by adding a +1

I suspect this is more about yourself than another person, because (and I do mean this kindly), if you are depending on them to give you meaning, take away sadness or make things worthwhile, you are massively setting yourself up for failure.

That's a much deeper issue than wishing there was someone else to take the bins out or clear up the dog's sick etc.

Really, I don’t agree. Most single mums i know have got with a man very very quickly after their break up! I’m the only single mum I know (in real life) that’s remained single. I’m just honest about it but they show it by getting with a new man practically instantly!

The grass is not always greener

That honestly works both ways.

It is tough but unfortunately its a situation a lot of people suffer. Some people enjoy being single and some don't. But there are many many people in this world that feel the way you do.

I'm heading for 60 and have never really had a proper loving relationship. My DC are adults and yes of course they have their own lives but it doesn't mean they're not still a part of mine. We had a lovely Christmas together.

I went through a period of basically mourning. I knew I was never going to have that loving relationship because I no longer trust anyone enough to try. I cant do it. So I grieved and moved on. Now I'm content and I do feel glad I don't have to deal with any of the crap that comes along with a lot of relationships.

You might meet someone, you might not. But dwelling on it will only make you more miserable. But tbh its only on MN that I see women refusing to date through their DCs childhoods like some kind of martyr. In the real world, people just get on with it.

It’s not refusing to date. I can’t date. I literally have no one that would have them! I’d bloody be straight out to online dating if I did!

Life is brilliant when you’re single! Even with having children. Learn to embrace it and find ways to do things that work, millions of other single parents do