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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Life is pointless when your single

237 replies

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 15:17

How can you stop feeling like life is pointless empty or sad if you don’t have a partner? I really wish I was one of those people that loved or embraced being single but I don’t I absolutely hate it. The only reason I stay single is because I’m a single parent and have my kids full time so can’t make a relationship work. If I didn’t I would be doing anything I could to find a loving relationship. I just feel life is better when you have someone by your side, to share it with. Is it normal to feel this way? I’m in my 30s so most people are settling down now and I feel like I will be alone forever.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:23

ChronicallyMum · 31/12/2025 16:20

Life is brilliant when you’re single! Even with having children. Learn to embrace it and find ways to do things that work, millions of other single parents do

Not better than in a good relationship though.

OP posts:
MrsStickMan · 31/12/2025 16:26

This seems to be less about single life being pointless and more about your frustration that you’re stuck in single-mum mode. That’s something a bit different

Unless your kids are ND and really hard to look after, why can’t you find a babysitter? My dd is nearly 16 and a fabulous babysitter, very cheap and happy to stay until late. It’s worth getting out there and trying to solve the problem

SurSea · 31/12/2025 16:26

Comments on here that you shouldn't need partnership, companionship or intimacy because you should subjugate those needs / your kids should be enough are so disappointing. Mean-spirited attempts to shame you for having perfectly valid feelings and needs.

It is difficult in your situation. It is particularly lonely at this time if year. No advice, but sending hope to you that in 2026 you find peace and balance in whatever way you need.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2025 16:27

I can’t relate to this at all. Something has gone wrong somewhere op. What would you get off a partner that you don’t get from others? Love from kids and family. Friendship and love from friends. Sex if you want it from tinder or diy. All the peace you want.

SushiForMe · 31/12/2025 16:27

The first posts are quite unkind! Yes a child brings you joy and a sense of purpose, but you don’t get the companionship and partnership that you would from an adult partner. I can totally get it!

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:28

MrsStickMan · 31/12/2025 16:26

This seems to be less about single life being pointless and more about your frustration that you’re stuck in single-mum mode. That’s something a bit different

Unless your kids are ND and really hard to look after, why can’t you find a babysitter? My dd is nearly 16 and a fabulous babysitter, very cheap and happy to stay until late. It’s worth getting out there and trying to solve the problem

I’d never leave my kids with a random sitter.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:28

SurSea · 31/12/2025 16:26

Comments on here that you shouldn't need partnership, companionship or intimacy because you should subjugate those needs / your kids should be enough are so disappointing. Mean-spirited attempts to shame you for having perfectly valid feelings and needs.

It is difficult in your situation. It is particularly lonely at this time if year. No advice, but sending hope to you that in 2026 you find peace and balance in whatever way you need.

thank you! Being a mum really is the fulfilling, it certainly isn’t enough for me. Being a mum is the hardest things I’ve ever done and it really isn’t that rewarding.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:29

SushiForMe · 31/12/2025 16:27

The first posts are quite unkind! Yes a child brings you joy and a sense of purpose, but you don’t get the companionship and partnership that you would from an adult partner. I can totally get it!

Thank you. I’m glad that some people understand at least.

OP posts:
MarvellousMonsters · 31/12/2025 16:32

Oh there is so much more to life than having a partner. Do you have friends? Family? I know being a lone parent can be isolating, but you can find your tribe in so many ways.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2025 16:32

I think it would be dangerous for you to date now in your current mindset op. You are setting yourself to ignore every single red flag waving as long as they’re a man, and that leaves you very vulnerable

MummaMummaMumma · 31/12/2025 16:32

Wow, your poor kids. I truly hope they never see you've wrote that about them. That's really sad.

Dencar · 31/12/2025 16:32

I feel exactly the same. I’m really struggling at 55 and feeling life is incredibly pointless. I’ve spent 30yrs working incredibly hard, no partner, no children and now, just nothing.

ElleintheWoods · 31/12/2025 16:34

Think it depends on how you were raised and what your values are.

Were you in a 'family is the most important' kind of setup? Was getting married or having children considered a big goal in life/ an achievement? Lots of weddings etc, lots of your parents' time spent with family or significant other?

I feel lke this is where these kinds of feelings come from. I wasn't raised with these values and finding it really hard to relate to thinking being in a relationship and having a family is the main goal in life.

Secondly, at your age it's hormones. Mid-30s is a very 'broody' or just horny time in most women's lives, prime time to be completing the family etc. Therefore your hormones will likely be driving your feelings a lot. Me and my friends certainly all felt 'different' say 32-25, priotitising wanting to be with someone etc. Also, it's hard to be a single parent with young kids, and the idyllic idea of some help and even extra income, someone giving you love and attention, may seem appealing. It may feel like you are looking after your kids 24/7, but who is looking after you?

You can go in 2 directions from here. If you want to continue being a 'family' person, put effort into meeting people.

Or look deeper inside yourself and think what else you can give to the world and wider community than being someone's partner? What are your passions, strengths, interests? How do you want to make the world a better place for all of us, a better place for your children to grow up in? Find that 'point' in life that isn't another person. Another person is rarely a solution to internal lack of purpose and emptiness.

Hope it works out for you and you find a 'point', wherever it may lie! And make sure you take time to look after yourself and love yourself while the vacancy for a partner remains open.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2025 16:35

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:28

I’d never leave my kids with a random sitter.

Show quote history

This is possibly your problem. You don’t get a break. You have created a fantasy in your mind that is actually just a needs to have a break. You don’t need a man to have a break. Find another path, there’s plenty.

Luckyingame · 31/12/2025 16:35

Sorry you feel this way.
I can honestly say, it's not pointless, it is where your life starts. At any age.
(Having been both single and living by myself and in a lucrative marriage).
I would prefer being single again, if I had to give up all the benefits of my long term marriage.
So, everyone is different.

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:37

ElleintheWoods · 31/12/2025 16:34

Think it depends on how you were raised and what your values are.

Were you in a 'family is the most important' kind of setup? Was getting married or having children considered a big goal in life/ an achievement? Lots of weddings etc, lots of your parents' time spent with family or significant other?

I feel lke this is where these kinds of feelings come from. I wasn't raised with these values and finding it really hard to relate to thinking being in a relationship and having a family is the main goal in life.

Secondly, at your age it's hormones. Mid-30s is a very 'broody' or just horny time in most women's lives, prime time to be completing the family etc. Therefore your hormones will likely be driving your feelings a lot. Me and my friends certainly all felt 'different' say 32-25, priotitising wanting to be with someone etc. Also, it's hard to be a single parent with young kids, and the idyllic idea of some help and even extra income, someone giving you love and attention, may seem appealing. It may feel like you are looking after your kids 24/7, but who is looking after you?

You can go in 2 directions from here. If you want to continue being a 'family' person, put effort into meeting people.

Or look deeper inside yourself and think what else you can give to the world and wider community than being someone's partner? What are your passions, strengths, interests? How do you want to make the world a better place for all of us, a better place for your children to grow up in? Find that 'point' in life that isn't another person. Another person is rarely a solution to internal lack of purpose and emptiness.

Hope it works out for you and you find a 'point', wherever it may lie! And make sure you take time to look after yourself and love yourself while the vacancy for a partner remains open.

Nope, my mum was a single parent. Never married, ever, no partner that cared about her. Now she’s alone and miserable with loads of cats.

OP posts:
manicpixieschemegirl · 31/12/2025 16:47

OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:37

Nope, my mum was a single parent. Never married, ever, no partner that cared about her. Now she’s alone and miserable with loads of cats.

Show quote history

Ah you’ve over egged the pudding now. 1/10.

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:50

manicpixieschemegirl · 31/12/2025 16:47

Ah you’ve over egged the pudding now. 1/10.

Show quote history

It’s true 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Hubblebubble · 31/12/2025 16:51

Are you sure she's miserable? Cats are great company! Im a happily single mother with two cats. Restraining myself from getting another if I'm being honest.

Hubblebubble · 31/12/2025 16:51

Also OP, get yourself a non tv related hobby. Reading or embroidery. I think it'll be healthy for you.

Clarehandaust · 31/12/2025 16:52

The amount of people I know who are in relationships with men who genuinely hate them is horrifying. Those guys would be better off single never mind the women

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 16:53

Hubblebubble · 31/12/2025 16:51

Are you sure she's miserable? Cats are great company! Im a happily single mother with two cats. Restraining myself from getting another if I'm being honest.

Well she never seems happy and is generally pretty negative.

OP posts:
Hubblebubble · 31/12/2025 16:55

@OnionOnions and what makes you think being in a relationship will make her less unhappy? If she's an unhappy person, what could be causing it?

Original poster
OnionOnions · 31/12/2025 17:01

it probably would make her more happy but she’s in her 70s and not looking.

OP posts:
FlyingApple · 31/12/2025 17:01

I'm not saying you're wrong but life would feel pointless to me if it was just me and DH. It's DH AND our kids that make it worthwhile to me. So I do understand in a way but it's both together, not separately.