Page 9 | Terrible daughter or terrible mother?

Tryandtryagain02 · 2025-12-29T18:24:19+00:00

Hi, I have three children, work full time and like a lot of families have a very little disposible income after bills etc. Anyway, work gave me a £50 one4all voucher as they do every year for Xmas and the last two years I've given it to my mum as I don't have much money. This evening, she text me saying she couldn't order a lamp from Next as they don't take that gift card, her exact text is as follows: Is the gift card you gave me one4all, your gift card from your work for Christmas? Because I asked you for a next gift card to buy the lamp and it doesn't allow me to use it in next? Nice, really, am I worth so little to you! It just makes me feel worthless. Thanks for your cast off. So I sent her £50 and said I'll take the gift card back and that she knows I don't have much money and to stop looking for an argument. She said shes ashamed of me and that I use her (she looks after my 2 yr old on a wednesday). I haven't replied. Is this thoughtless and unfair?

GoldOP · 31/12/2025 11:55

I think maybe you could have used the one for all vouchers towards your grocery shop and then used that money saved for the next voucher.
However I think your mums text is out of order and using the fact she looks after your child against you is unkind. Surely she knows money is tight and you are still gifting her 50 quid regardless of the source, maybe she could have used the one for all for her grocery shop and then gone to next with the money she saved and not caused an argument?

Grammarninja · 31/12/2025 13:47

Giving her the All41 gift card was lazy. You could have used it for your next grocery shop and bought her the Next one. She recognises the lack of effort in the re-gifting as that's what it is. You knew she wanted the lamp on this occasion, so you should have taken the time to buy the Next card. The fact that you had £50 to send her means that it would have been possible for you to use the voucher yourself for household items and get her what she had requested. The 'skint' part of the argument doesn't really hold any water. It's still £50 that you are giving her and all it would have taken is some thoughtfulness to make sure she could get what she wanted with it.
Her reaction is OTT but I'm guessing it's off the back of feeling a lack of consideration and gratitude for some time.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/12/2025 14:27

Grammarninja · 31/12/2025 13:47

Giving her the All41 gift card was lazy. You could have used it for your next grocery shop and bought her the Next one. She recognises the lack of effort in the re-gifting as that's what it is. You knew she wanted the lamp on this occasion, so you should have taken the time to buy the Next card. The fact that you had £50 to send her means that it would have been possible for you to use the voucher yourself for household items and get her what she had requested. The 'skint' part of the argument doesn't really hold any water. It's still £50 that you are giving her and all it would have taken is some thoughtfulness to make sure she could get what she wanted with it.
Her reaction is OTT but I'm guessing it's off the back of feeling a lack of consideration and gratitude for some time.

that doesn't necessarily work in a low income household. you buy small shops as you go along, doesn't look like you can use it in places like Heron Foods etc, so by the time the voucher is here, there isn't £50 worth of shopping to buy, and there isn't a place on there to buy normal food shopping (m&s prices don't count!). and even if op could use it across a few places l, she isn't necessarily going to use the full £50 and thus save it up in time for Xmas.

did ops mom give her enough notice to save a bit each month towards a Next card, or was it a fairly short notice "I want Next only!"?

I'd struggle to use that card on just every day stuff but as a gift, I'd use it to treat myself to something extra.

speakball · 02/01/2026 11:51

Grief. I couldn’t imagine sending my dd such a spiteful and cruel message. And it’s so gross and repugnant to see that level of unfeeling just ignored by so many on here. Are some of you mums really texting like that to your adult kids? (Knows some are because of how many posts there are on here about nasty parents)

Tadpolesinponds · 03/01/2026 12:51

We haven't heard the mother's side of the story. It's quite possible that this is the final straw after years of feeling taken for granted. Perhaps OP spends hundreds of pounds on her children at Christmas but won't buy her mother a lamp. And I don't think that mothers should be boasting that they are happy to do a huge amount of work for their daughters and never expect a Christmas present, for instance. Mothers are human beings too and shouldn't feel that to be a good mother they need to lie down in the mud so that their adult children can walk all over them. Surely it should be an equal relationship.

Sometimeswinning · 03/01/2026 13:03

Tadpolesinponds · 03/01/2026 12:51

We haven't heard the mother's side of the story. It's quite possible that this is the final straw after years of feeling taken for granted. Perhaps OP spends hundreds of pounds on her children at Christmas but won't buy her mother a lamp. And I don't think that mothers should be boasting that they are happy to do a huge amount of work for their daughters and never expect a Christmas present, for instance. Mothers are human beings too and shouldn't feel that to be a good mother they need to lie down in the mud so that their adult children can walk all over them. Surely it should be an equal relationship.

No we haven’t, so how in the world can we give an opinion? She could be completely
vile or an absolute saint. Opinions are given on what we know. Otherwise you’re just speculating over made up stuff.

speakball · 03/01/2026 17:15

Otherwise you’re just speculating over made up stuff.

some people would refer to that as ‘projection’