DH ruined weekend with his drug binge

[Toothy3]

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

This would absolutely be the end for me. You and your children deserve better.

I absolutely couldn't cope with this. There's going out having one too many and then there's this. So sorry this was spoiled for you, you deserve better.

There’s so much here - none of it I would tolerate in a marriage, not least the selfishness and lack of remorse.

FFS OP came here for support not you kicking the boot in and blaming her for something she is angry about and had no control over. Typical twatty MN response.

I'm so sorry OP, your husband is an absolute idiot. He brought drugs into your and your children's home, I don't know how you get past that.

Nope, that would be a very easy LTB from me, but that’s because I lived for far too long with an ex whose drink/drug binges ruined many a family event. If he’s back on coke that’s only going to get worse.

There is no way I would tolerate that round my children. He would have to go. I doubt this is the first time he's done it from all those years ago either. LTB!

There’s the only option. You leave.

How awful, I'm sorry for you op. I can't imagine waking up to my DH in the garden drinking and on drugs. It would forever change my thinking about him, maybe unless he was just so deeply remorseful, but even then, I don't know. I can't fathom it.

You sound mostly pissed off that he’s ruined the weekend rather than the fact he is immoral and has potentially cheated on you. I would be asking him to move out, not asking him to sort himself out before going to a family event.

I’m not usually a LTB poster, but bringing drugs into your house where your small children live and making absolutely no apology for that would be a hard line for me.

I wouldn’t have him back in the house and if he tried kicking off over this or causing problems then you call the police and explain to them your husband is taking cocaine and you don’t want that around the kids and they will make him leave!

I couldn’t come back from this OP. A night out at this time of year and getting drunk is passable but the drugs absolutely not.

What a disgusting specimen. How selfish he is. And wasting money on illegal substances. Assuming you won’t LTB, I’d be taking all of his Christmas presents back for a refund and he would be getting zilch. Pathetic!

I’m so sorry.

How old are your DC, how long have you been married, do you have local family support and do you work?

I’m asking because it would help us advise you on next steps.

Tbf to you, I don’t think you have processed the weight of what’s happened yet, I’m sure you will realise that this behaviour is completely unacceptable on many levels.

I would not, under any circumstances, continue a relationship with somebody who brought drugs into my children’s homes.

And that’s just for starters.

I don't think that's the case- that's a really sweeping and judgmental comment. OP did not anticipate this happening- they didn't post for someone to turn up on their high horse.

He doesnt care about you or his children.

I'd be fuming but I wouldn't be ending the relationship if it was a one off.

I would LTB. Not only for his behaviour, but for his reaction to you afterwards.

He clearly doesn’t give a shit.

You’re going to get a lot of LTB responses from people who don’t realise just how widespread and mundane cocaine use is.
presumably he hasn’t left drugs were the kids could find them. I understand you are unlikely to want to split up over this if things are otherwise good.
it’s so shit of him to sabotage your day like this, alcohol as obviously played a massive part in impairing his judgement.
i feel you deserve an honest chat about that number in his phone once he has levelled out.
he owes you all a lovely day out, and an apology.
if he is nothing but defensive, then this is clearly unreasonable and you just have to take a view on the overall situation, but it is absolutely shit and I really feel for you. Ultimately if he thinks it’s okay to do this and then Be a prick about it afterwards then you will probably be happier alone or with someone else
dont blame you for being angry

Widespread and mundane? WTAF? Not in my neck of the woods, I can assure you. Talk about normalising something so harmful in so many ways.

What a hot mess he is? Jeez, I couldn’t cope with that. What a complete situation he’s put you all in.
I hope you make the right decision for you and your family.

I will just add that there is so much wrong with this it’s hard to know where to start.

but strikingly, he hasn’t done this for years, has recently started a new job and is suddenly doing coke on your lawn.

combined with
” I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything.”

If you decide not to leave him (and I expect most people, including me, will think you should leave him)

At a bare minimum, he should leave this job.

*edited to make it clear that I think OP should leave him.