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Original poster

DH ruined weekend with his drug binge

188 replies

Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 10:20

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
gerispringer · 21/12/2025 13:47

You must make it clear to him that this behaviour will not be tolerated and it could be relationship ending ( and mean it). My DH ruined many a family event by drinking before I realised that by not addressing the problem and changing my own reaction to it I was, in fact, enabling his excessive drinking. Fortunately, he did seek help and support and has been sober now for 5 years, but I was prepared to walk away.

liamharha · 21/12/2025 13:48

This he's and a silly night out that is r a regular occurrence has probably got carried away with the culture and company he's been mixing with ,,the come down has probably been awful and probably more punishment than you could siab out .
Be very clear with him op.thatvita unacceptable and you won't be forgiving if their js a next time and move on .

silverwrath · 21/12/2025 13:49

He was in your garden drinking at 5am. With the 'remnants' of cocaine on him.

He's pretty unrepentant. And he was hiding a phone number from you. He's now alleging it belongs to a drug dealer.

What would you think if another mumsnetter posted this?

Personally I think he needs a rude awakening, especially given how blasé he's being about it. I'd be telling to find alternative accommodation until you can get your thoughts in order. He needs to understand that their a consequences for his behaviour.

Getdne · 21/12/2025 13:53

SusiQ18472638 · 21/12/2025 13:46

This. There is no way I would put up with any of that.

Show quote history

He's a cheater, did drugs, has a dealer apparently.

When you have had children with a loser like this, you can't really be that surprised when it pops up again.

He has form, it really is that simple.

liamharha · 21/12/2025 13:53

MrMucker · 21/12/2025 13:30

Gawd we had our small kids in the 80s, and all I can say that if at least one of us hadn't behaved in this way over the 2 week festive period then that would've counted as a shit Christmas.
Nobody died, our 3 kids are all high flying professional adults, and all we regret now is being so old that a single glass of daytime wine these days leads to a quick pensioner nap rather than an impromptu kitchen disco.
Times have soooo changed.

I shouldn't love this but I do ,you will get flamed here tho 🤣🤣🤣

OriginalUsername2 · 21/12/2025 13:53

Ring the number and see if they’re male or female.

usedtobeaylis · 21/12/2025 13:59

I would be dubious about it being a one off so you need to figure that out. If he's being blase it could well still be the coke talking so I'd wait a while. I wouldn't be prancing around being conciliatory and trying to cajole something out of him, you're fuming and you're entitled to be.

GooseyGandalf · 21/12/2025 14:00

I’d be concerned that he was out in the garden because a dealer was dropping drugs to him there.

It sounds likely that he contacted a dealer, rather than just stored the number.

I wouldn’t be happy with him bringing drugs to the house, but bringing a dealer there is even worse. In college I lived in a house share with a couple of drug users and their dealer threatened me when they owed him money.

The thought that would cause me to hesitate leaving would be of him having the dc by himself if you split up.

btw love bombing the dc was more shit parenting. Good parenting is holding sensible boundaries in order to give them a strong sense of security. Being in a shitty mood and spoiling them doesn’t cancel out. It’s a double negative.

@Toothy3 I’m sorry this is happening. It’s an awful situation.

Daygloboo · 21/12/2025 14:00

Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 10:20

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

Maybe you need to calmly get christmas over with so as not to have your kids associate xmas wirh drama forever more. Then when xmas is over quietly sit down with him and say you are not prepared to tolerate what happened and he needs to move out and spend time thinking about what he really wants from life. If he doeant show remorse and make a big effort to change, get rid of him.

justasking111 · 21/12/2025 14:00

I'd be very worried about the colleagues in his new job. He needs to dodge the druggy ones.

Redhairandhottubs · 21/12/2025 14:01

I’d be furious in your shoes but I would need to know more about the state of your marriage in general to give advice. Is this out of character for him? I would possibly excuse a one of binge if he was otherwise a good husband and dad, and he was extremely apologetic (although it doesn’t sound like he is!)

usedtobeaylis · 21/12/2025 14:01

MrMucker · 21/12/2025 13:30

Gawd we had our small kids in the 80s, and all I can say that if at least one of us hadn't behaved in this way over the 2 week festive period then that would've counted as a shit Christmas.
Nobody died, our 3 kids are all high flying professional adults, and all we regret now is being so old that a single glass of daytime wine these days leads to a quick pensioner nap rather than an impromptu kitchen disco.
Times have soooo changed.

You're that 'elevenerife' person aren't you

liamharha · 21/12/2025 14:02

Andepeda · 21/12/2025 12:01

So easy to say LTB when it's someone else's life.

I know Right before Xmas when You have a whole family and life .
Take no notice of these people they honestly wouldnt LTB and dismantle their whole family and life they just like to think they would ,they are the same type of people who say they would leave a abuser immediately ,it's easier said than done for so many different reasons and circumstances. It something that's very easy to advise when you have no emotional involvement .
Their relationships must be pretty emotionless and more like business agreements if they would end them over what's essentially in this error of judgement and being carried away by a festive night out .

rainbowunicorn22 · 21/12/2025 14:02

drugs + kids, no, sorry, this would be the end. he clearly does not value family life. Sorry do not mean to be mean, but if he was really into family life, he would stick to his promise or at least maybe not go. if he had had one over the eight but went to the family occasion and made an effort for the kids despite a banging hangover not so bad, but being in the garden in that state no. your sleep was disturbed and the kids could have seen him. no sorry find someone who values a family and of course you

PersephoneParlormaid · 21/12/2025 14:03

I’d be livid, and depending upon the state of the marriage, it would probably be the end.

FcukBreastCancer · 21/12/2025 14:05

I'd hope my dh would forgive me for one night of bad judgement. Assuming that is the truth

Original poster
Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 14:06

I can assure you I’m not calm, just trying to keep it together with two kids under 5 running around. Regarding the phone number, he’s further admitted that he actually called the number around 3am to order more but the dealer didn’t answer. I need to have a frank discussion with him tonight once kids asleep, separating after Christmas for me is on the cards because I don’t know if I can trust he won’t do this again.

OP posts:
Mintteaplease · 21/12/2025 14:10

I am so sorry … I think you know what you’ve got to do … thinking of you as you hold things together for the children. X

Dollyflip · 21/12/2025 14:12

Has he been out with the work colleagues before? Is this something he used to do before? I suspect this isn’t the first time unfortunately and this is the first time he has been caught.

Rewis · 21/12/2025 14:13

I grew up in the "bad area" of the city and figured i wasn't too sheltered. Then i read these and realise how sheltered I still am. Casually bringing cocaine home with young kids from a night out with colleagues. No big deal. It is just one of those thins people do when they're young and sometimes when theyre older for old times sake. Like, sometimes you take a shot of sambuca with younger colleagues, sometimes you snort some cocaine in your backeayrd while wife and kids are asleep.

I guess I'm from a area that is too poor for drugs like this 😂 this isn't just about op. My bf brings up so casually what has happened in the parties he attended as a teenager and early 20's and he seems baffled that in our parties we knly had alcohol and no pills or powders or herbs were going around.

My concerns with the phone is not cheating, but that it is his new dealer.

justasking111 · 21/12/2025 14:25

The dealer thinks he's found a new mug.

MILLYmo0se · 21/12/2025 14:27

MrMucker · 21/12/2025 13:30

Gawd we had our small kids in the 80s, and all I can say that if at least one of us hadn't behaved in this way over the 2 week festive period then that would've counted as a shit Christmas.
Nobody died, our 3 kids are all high flying professional adults, and all we regret now is being so old that a single glass of daytime wine these days leads to a quick pensioner nap rather than an impromptu kitchen disco.
Times have soooo changed.

But that was what you both signed up too, this is not the marriage and life his wife agreed to, can you not understand the difference?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2025 14:29

Bonden · 21/12/2025 11:19

id be cross as fuck but LTB for this? Madness. One night of lunacy a year? That’s pretty good imo. His apology is half assed because he’s still hungover- talk again tomorrow he may be more himself and feel more remorse then.

Pretty low standards there. Why do women put up with such shit and then try to normalise it to other women?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2025 14:34

liamharha · 21/12/2025 14:02

I know Right before Xmas when You have a whole family and life .
Take no notice of these people they honestly wouldnt LTB and dismantle their whole family and life they just like to think they would ,they are the same type of people who say they would leave a abuser immediately ,it's easier said than done for so many different reasons and circumstances. It something that's very easy to advise when you have no emotional involvement .
Their relationships must be pretty emotionless and more like business agreements if they would end them over what's essentially in this error of judgement and being carried away by a festive night out .

Show quote history

Most people wouldn’t LTB a few days before Christmas in OP’s situation I agree. What they’d do instead is to put on a brave face for the kids’ sake, go through the motions, and then once Christmas is over make an appointment with the solicitor and start making plans.

justasking111 · 21/12/2025 14:37

Lots of advice from singles on this thread @Toothy3

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