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Original poster

DH ruined weekend with his drug binge

188 replies

Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 10:20

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
bitterexwife · 21/12/2025 12:00

The drunk at 5am before a family day out I could just about have coped with, but the drugs is a HARD no.
The number calling him could be a dealer though rather than another woman.

Andepeda · 21/12/2025 12:01

So easy to say LTB when it's someone else's life.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 21/12/2025 12:01

I would bollock him from an absolute height for this, although I do think the posters saying LTB are being mad - you aren't going to walk out of an otherwise decent marriage over one binge, or you shouldn't.

Understandably you are worried this will be the start of something so I think I would suggest you both have a series of counselling sessions. It's not a bad thing to do in any marriage, but it will make sure he understands what a deal breaker this is, and help you both to talk properly so you can have trust again and you can both put this behind you.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 21/12/2025 12:01

Andepeda · 21/12/2025 12:01

So easy to say LTB when it's someone else's life.

Exactly.

Nuts.

Tillow4ever · 21/12/2025 12:01

When you say the phone number came up, do you mean someone from that number called/text him? If so, it isn’t really stacking up with his story. Why would a drug dealer he’d never met, bought from or given his number to phone or message him? Also, he said his colleague gave him the number in case he wanted to buy more… he didn’t have to save the number in his phone, did he? The fact he did suggests he was thinking about using it.

I’m sorry he’s been such a prick. It feels so weird to say LTB over 1 dickhead incident - but if he’d cheated one time you might choose to leave over a single incident, so why would this be different? If you want to stay married to him, you need to set clear rules and boundaries - and if he breaks them you need to be prepared to leave or he will know he can do whatever he likes. Have a think about what your hard lines are.

Good luck, you don’t deserve this at all.

UpDownAllAround1 · 21/12/2025 12:02

If a one off for last 20 years, deserves to show you he is remorceful

Orwellwasright2020 · 21/12/2025 12:02

Well, you kick him out, obviously. He's already cheated on you (yep sexting is cheating even if he didn't do any more than that, and he did of course do more than that). He's pathetic, a shit father, a shit husband and you are pathetic too if you keep taking his abuse.

TheChosenTwo · 21/12/2025 12:04

The dealer phoning him is absolute bollocks.

MILLYmo0se · 21/12/2025 12:18

Tbh OP I think you are under reacting if anything, it's as though he 'just' went and got pussed at the Xmas do. Cocaine use and carrying it home is a whole other level and ballgame.
And if the dealer has phoned or messaged him then he has at the very least already contacted them in the first place to buy some.
What a mess this selfish man has created

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 21/12/2025 12:22

The drugs. A big hard no and LTB. How do you know he won’t do it again?

SauronsArsehole · 21/12/2025 12:22

Be needs to find another job.

sorry.

those new work mates are going to break him, your relationship etc.

he either didn’t care or wasn’t able to tell them you had plans and he had to leave early.

he took drugs knowing his own history.

this is a recipe for disaster written all over it.

lay down your expectations, boundaries etc and accept it as a mistake if that’s what you want to do

but I would also be meticulously planning my what if. Private savings, keeping a closer ey on joint accounts and making sure bills are paid. Keep an eye on my own credit history and immediately flag any issues.

I’ve too much experience with a partner and a new job leading to long term addiction (weed and meth for my ex who took on a new chefs job) it only takes a one off to slip into addiction and bad habits.

Loloblue · 21/12/2025 12:23

He really messed up but for me I would at least give him a shot to put things right. I would wonder what prompted this self sabotaging behavior. Let yourself cool off before you make any big decisions.

outerspacepotato · 21/12/2025 12:24

You can't trust him.

He has alcohol and drug abuse problems. He's relapsed again and until he admits he has those problems and addresses them with professional help, this will continue. You can't force anything.

He put his kids in danger bringing coke home with him. His high was more important than their safety. That is a child protection issue and he should be out of the home until he does something about his drug and alcohol abuse. You cannot risk your kids. I don't know about where you are but where I am, drugs in the home is a reason to remove your children. Your first duty is to protect your children and that means from their father if he's bringing his drugs home. He needs to do a treatment program and demonstrate at least 6 months of sobriety before you even think about a reconcilation.

He's likely cheated. Did you rugsweep his prior cheating?

He's acting chill because he doesn't think you will do anything about his cheating and relapsing and bringing drugs home. He thinks you'll rugsweep this too. You went to the party as a couple like nothing happened so he thinks he got away with his behaviour.

MoonWoman69 · 21/12/2025 12:26

The people saying the LTB comments are nuts must have very low standards when it comes to relationships! He's got a drug dealers phone number and vice versa. I suppose that's fine for some people, it would a no from me!

romdowa · 21/12/2025 12:26

I wouldn't have let him in the house coked out of his head around my kids

Redburnett · 21/12/2025 12:30

Tell him to find a hotel or airbnb to stay in over Christmas and don't have him back until he eats enough humble pie - and make sure he works overtime to pay back the hotel costs.

ginasevern · 21/12/2025 12:33

@Toothy3 "It’s completely out of character since we’ve been together and married. "

It isn't though is it. You said he was messaging another woman since you were married. He sounds like a prick and he thinks there will be no consequences, because you won't want to break up the family. Sorry OP, but I think you should reconsider your future options.

Tpu · 21/12/2025 12:36

Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 10:20

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

I hope you show him this thread so that I can tell him he’s a total cunt. Coke is predicated on people being murdered, trafficked and raped all along the supply chain. He has spent family money paying for people to murder and rape others. He’s scum.

Purplewarrior · 21/12/2025 12:37

So what’s his explanation for why a drug dealer was calling him this morning?

Neverflyingagain · 21/12/2025 12:38

I think you're right to be thinking about whether this is the end of your marriage.
The dealer contacting him was to arrange the drop, which is probably why he was in the garden ...
I would have a very firm boundary on this, especially if your job is one where you need an enhanced disclosure. You don't need to be dragged into something like this or have trouble coming to your door.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 21/12/2025 12:43

I would be contemplating my future with him too. I am totally anti drugs but if he has been sober and drug free for years and this is the first time - I'd be hoping it's a one off.

A robust conversation and boundaries around drugs/alcohol at the very least and a two strikes and you're out could be a possibility. Having said that I'd now be (in true Mumsnet style) getting my ducks in a row as I would definitely have lost some trust.

I would also be expecting massive sucking up from him to you (not just the DCs) he needs to show you he is sorry and mean it. Never again.

Sohelpmegod25 · 21/12/2025 12:44

Olefinssoredo · 21/12/2025 10:22

This would absolutely be the end for me. You and your children deserve better.

Me too
get rid of this waste of space
I agree - you and the kids deserve better!

BreakingBroken · 21/12/2025 12:44

I’d be concerned about the work environment,
I wouldn’t tolerate staying at this “firm”.
Obviously he was easily led astray and needs to learn to set higher standards for himself.

feellikeanalien · 21/12/2025 12:50

I agree with other PPs. The only reason a dealer would phone him is if he has already contacted the dealer. Either he was arranging more drugs or he wanted to hide the number for some.orher reason.

Did he delete the number after your conversation?

As to his other behaviour I think you do need to get to the bottom of why he did what he did. If you want to stay together then I think you need to make it very clear to him that, yes, things may have got out of hand, but if this happens again it is not acceptable.

If he is working in a culture where this type of behaviour is the norm and he has also enjoyed it in the past the I think it will be very likely that this will happen again.