DH ruined weekend with his drug binge

[Toothy3]

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

He called a dealer to come to your house OP. I would leave him for that. He is being blase and thinks what he has done is no big deal which is even more worrying, he should be mortified. I think it's a shame you didn't leave him when he was messing around with another woman tbh,

I don't think it's going to be a happy life with this one unfortunately.

You obviously move in very different circles to me. Your argument, including telling me to take my head out of my arse, is very weak and frankly very rude.

In the same spirit, you can shove your merry Xmas up your arse.

That’s the point. You may move in different circles but it’s very likely in your circle and you don’t even know it.

You just telling me is pretty poor evidence. What’s your background? Why do you think you’re an expert on the circles I move in.

A quick google comes up with this statistic:

• United Kingdom (England and Wales): In the year ending March 2023, around 2.4% of people aged 16-59 reported using powder cocaine in the past year.

I'd handle it by putting all his possessions in the front garden in black bags and changing the locks.

Gosh, how rude and aggressive you are.

Gosh, indeed.

Merry Christmas :)

Do you honestly think that being so rude and aggressive is a good look? It certainly doesn’t encourage me to take the slightest bit of notice of you, on the contrary.

Seeing as 100% of the population weren’t asked, this is anecdotal at best. There is so much cocaine used that it is in our waste water and we can see an increase at the weekends or after sports events. There is also risk to marine life - search crabs on cocaine.

Oh, Jesus Christ, what am I to do? You're taking no notice of me?

Ruined my Christmas. Cheers.

Well no the number of people asked isn’t the issue polling data can be accurate and sampling can be fairly accurate at reporting trends. IF people are honest and it is that which could move it up even then it isn’t somehow going to hit 50% is it

Of course he will do it again, why wouldn't he?

Not read the full thread, however last weekend my husband did the same (albeit I found him at the dining table not the garden) after his football teams night out. We both took it socially in the past, but not for 6+ years.

I was annoyed at him as the money could be better spent and it cause issues with my plans the following day as I obviously wouldn’t leave our little boy with him.

but never ever ever in a million years would that be something I’d leave him over. It was doghouse for a couple of days and over it pretty quickly.

I thought my ex was cheating.. it turned out to be "just" a secret coke habit and I was so disappointed in him - I think I'd have preferred it to be someone else! But that was (logistically) easy to walk away, we were planning a wedding and children but neither had happened yet.

I know the reaction from others is usually LTB but if this really is a one off I would probably give him some time to prove that. Not socialising with this work crowd would be a hard boundary though - he's gone along with it once, it would be even harder to say no next time.

I don't believe for one minute this is his first relapse from doing drugs years ago, it just happens you caught him out so don't fool yourself. Never ever would I have my kids around a person taking drugs and that's why I left an ex the exact same day 10years ago when I suddenly found from work colleagues he was doing drugs with them. I went home packed mine and kids stuff and never looked back

Your children need to be away from a Father thinking it's ok to do drugs. Please leave him asap. Disgusting.

Also OP. You let him away with cheating once so I'm not surprised he did it again. Why wouldn't he when their are 0 consequences. Raise your standards. What would six year old you think?

Having a dealer’s number demonstrates malice aforethought; it’s not like the stuff was doing the rounds in the pub and he’d had a toot (which would be bad enough).

I think he has a drug and / or booze problem that he is adept at keeping secret. Or was until the weekend.

Frankly speaking, I am extremely intolerant of proclivities that could undermine the wellbeing of the household, and especially the children. It might be unpopular on Mumsnet, but I see drugs, booze, gambling, secret debts, and criminal behavior as worse sins than infidelity.

Divorce would be the only option for me. Your husband has brought drugs home and his behaviour endangers you all.

i wish people would at least read the ops posts

he already rang the dealer to try and get some more

These threads always piss me off because everyone is allowed boundaries and different people have different boundaries as long as those are set out clearly (and they can change and adapt as people grow and age) it’s fine

OP doesn’t want her partner to take cocaine and certainly doesn’t want it around her children, it doesn’t matter how widespread cocaine is or not that is her personal boundary she is allowed to have

I I put chilli sauce all over my food I would never expect anyone else to do so.

He broke her boundary and her trust

What if OP spent the night taking drugs? Would you all say it was ok ‘as a one off’ or would you think she’s a disgrace, an unfit mother and liability?

The latter. Strange question?

Drugs may be ‘mundane’ to you but a total dealbreaker to me. So grim.