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Original poster

DH ruined weekend with his drug binge

188 replies

Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 10:20

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
ilovepixie · 21/12/2025 10:59

If this was the first time in years I’d be asking him why? I wouldn’t necessarily end things over it if everything else is ok.

Pippa12 · 21/12/2025 10:59

Driftingawaynow · 21/12/2025 10:53

You’re going to get a lot of LTB responses from people who don’t realise just how widespread and mundane cocaine use is.
presumably he hasn’t left drugs were the kids could find them. I understand you are unlikely to want to split up over this if things are otherwise good.
it’s so shit of him to sabotage your day like this, alcohol as obviously played a massive part in impairing his judgement.
i feel you deserve an honest chat about that number in his phone once he has levelled out.
he owes you all a lovely day out, and an apology.
if he is nothing but defensive, then this is clearly unreasonable and you just have to take a view on the overall situation, but it is absolutely shit and I really feel for you. Ultimately if he thinks it’s okay to do this and then Be a prick about it afterwards then you will probably be happier alone or with someone else
dont blame you for being angry

Bloody hell! Talk for yourself! Widespread? Mundane? It’s definitely not normal to be snorting cocaine in your back garden pissed and alone whilst your wife and children sleep upstairs.

Growlybear83 · 21/12/2025 11:03

JLou08 · 21/12/2025 10:48

I'd be fuming but I wouldn't be ending the relationship if it was a one off.

I agree with you. Unless he has cheated, which the OP doesn’t know, I wouldn’t consider breaking up a marriage and changing my children’s lives for ever for something like this if it’s really a one off.

FancyFireplaces · 21/12/2025 11:04

Driftingawaynow · 21/12/2025 10:53

You’re going to get a lot of LTB responses from people who don’t realise just how widespread and mundane cocaine use is.
presumably he hasn’t left drugs were the kids could find them. I understand you are unlikely to want to split up over this if things are otherwise good.
it’s so shit of him to sabotage your day like this, alcohol as obviously played a massive part in impairing his judgement.
i feel you deserve an honest chat about that number in his phone once he has levelled out.
he owes you all a lovely day out, and an apology.
if he is nothing but defensive, then this is clearly unreasonable and you just have to take a view on the overall situation, but it is absolutely shit and I really feel for you. Ultimately if he thinks it’s okay to do this and then Be a prick about it afterwards then you will probably be happier alone or with someone else
dont blame you for being angry

There’s absolutely nothing mundane about cocaine. The only people who take it are those who are completely immoral and put their needs above the lives of the thousands of people who die due to its production and trade every year.

Icantsaythis · 21/12/2025 11:04

Olefinssoredo · 21/12/2025 10:22

This would absolutely be the end for me. You and your children deserve better.

This I would divorce over it 😡 how dare he

shhblackbag · 21/12/2025 11:07

It's striking to me that some on MN are more relaxed about the use of cocaine than a loo brush.

RosesAndHellebores · 21/12/2025 11:10

@Driftingawaynow I can't imagine what sort of circles you move in. I know nobody who behaves like that. My DC, 31 and 27 know a small minority and swerve them.

@Toothy3 ducks in a row, spend some time over the hols sorting your paperwork and make an apt to see a solicitor in the NY. Keep a poker face for the sake of the children and christmas.

notatinydancer · 21/12/2025 11:13

My EX used to do this. Note EX.

Bonden · 21/12/2025 11:19

id be cross as fuck but LTB for this? Madness. One night of lunacy a year? That’s pretty good imo. His apology is half assed because he’s still hungover- talk again tomorrow he may be more himself and feel more remorse then.

Notmyreality · 21/12/2025 11:22

shhblackbag · 21/12/2025 11:07

It's striking to me that some on MN are more relaxed about the use of cocaine than a loo brush.

Indeed

Notmyreality · 21/12/2025 11:24

If my partner, with whom I had kids, used cocaine, I would end it.
To everyone who condones cocaine use, says it’s just a bit of fun, everyone does it blah blah you’re all disgusting people and most definitely shouldn’t be parents.

BluntAzureDreamer · 21/12/2025 11:26

shhblackbag · 21/12/2025 11:07

It's striking to me that some on MN are more relaxed about the use of cocaine than a loo brush.

I probably am TBF 🤣🤣🤣 I have NEVER entertained the latter.... 🤮

In all seriousness, cocaine is around everywhere if you know where to look, or hang out with the right/wrong people. It sounds like a moment of madness to me, a trip back to his younger years. However, there's usually an underlying reason why people indulge in these moments of madness. My ex husband and I partied a lot til we decided to become parents, then when things went downhill between us a few years later after child no 2, he went back to it. Him staying out all night taking god knows what, was not uncommon.

If it's a one off, then let him apologise and move on. If it becomes a pattern, it's a problem and there are bigger, underlying issues. Good luck

EchoesOfOurDreams · 21/12/2025 11:27

You cannot seriously want to try and repair this, and keep a man around who comes home blind drunk and brings drugs to the house where your young children live, can you? If so then the standards people have are in the gutter.

The only respectable, sensible, and moral option would be to leave him. You can't have someone like that around your kids honestly. And that is without even considering the potential cheating.

EchoesOfOurDreams · 21/12/2025 11:29

Driftingawaynow · 21/12/2025 10:53

You’re going to get a lot of LTB responses from people who don’t realise just how widespread and mundane cocaine use is.
presumably he hasn’t left drugs were the kids could find them. I understand you are unlikely to want to split up over this if things are otherwise good.
it’s so shit of him to sabotage your day like this, alcohol as obviously played a massive part in impairing his judgement.
i feel you deserve an honest chat about that number in his phone once he has levelled out.
he owes you all a lovely day out, and an apology.
if he is nothing but defensive, then this is clearly unreasonable and you just have to take a view on the overall situation, but it is absolutely shit and I really feel for you. Ultimately if he thinks it’s okay to do this and then Be a prick about it afterwards then you will probably be happier alone or with someone else
dont blame you for being angry

It doesn't matter how widespread it is. It still doesn't excuse it and I wouldn't accept my partner and father of my kids using it no matter how many other people do.

Dollyflip · 21/12/2025 11:31

I’d be checking his phone. The call might have been from a drug dealer not a woman.

EchoesOfOurDreams · 21/12/2025 11:32

Dollyflip · 21/12/2025 11:31

I’d be checking his phone. The call might have been from a drug dealer not a woman.

I thought that too. Either way the fact that he hid it screams guilt in one way or another.

Thortour · 21/12/2025 11:34

I hate drug people. Utterly selfish twats.
Sorry OP what a total dickhead.

Original poster
Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 11:44

It’s completely out of character since we’ve been together and married. I’ve only seen him drunk twice in the time I’ve known him, that was after his Nan died and when we had the rare night out together after our first baby. It’s pure selfish and I feel so let down. I don’t know if I can get past this. He definitely didn’t have any drugs near the children, he told me he was in the garden in the dark thinking I wouldn’t be awake or find him at that time in the morning. His answer to this is he’s been stupid and regrets it. That’s it. We’ve just had a quiet talk while he was feeling sorry for himself, he’s told me the number was a drug dealer. His work colleague gave him the number in case he wanted anymore cocaine. He hid it from me for obvious reasons. He claims he didn’t buy any at that night, it was all given to him. The kids were completely spoilt at the weekend, he let them have whatever they wanted and tried to make up for it but as I say he was in a horrible mood. I really don’t like drugs myself and how can I ever trust him again after this? I’m so hurt by this

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 21/12/2025 11:51

This goes beyond simply ruining a day out or even cheating.

He has brought drugs back to your house, and his behaviour is potentially jeopardising his livelihood and your family's security.

This man is not father material, and I would not want him in my house.

Beezz · 21/12/2025 11:54

We are all different but if I was in your position the relationship would be over.

EchoesOfOurDreams · 21/12/2025 11:54

Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 11:44

It’s completely out of character since we’ve been together and married. I’ve only seen him drunk twice in the time I’ve known him, that was after his Nan died and when we had the rare night out together after our first baby. It’s pure selfish and I feel so let down. I don’t know if I can get past this. He definitely didn’t have any drugs near the children, he told me he was in the garden in the dark thinking I wouldn’t be awake or find him at that time in the morning. His answer to this is he’s been stupid and regrets it. That’s it. We’ve just had a quiet talk while he was feeling sorry for himself, he’s told me the number was a drug dealer. His work colleague gave him the number in case he wanted anymore cocaine. He hid it from me for obvious reasons. He claims he didn’t buy any at that night, it was all given to him. The kids were completely spoilt at the weekend, he let them have whatever they wanted and tried to make up for it but as I say he was in a horrible mood. I really don’t like drugs myself and how can I ever trust him again after this? I’m so hurt by this

So now a drug dealer has his contact number as well.

None of this looks good.

It's up to you what you allow but I personally wouldn't have him back in the house after this. It has shown he can't be trusted to behave sensibly and put yours and your kids' safety and security first.

Him lovebombing the kids all weekend whilst being in a foul drug and drink induced mood isn't good enough either.

FigTreeInEurope · 21/12/2025 11:56

As if a drug dealer is ringing him, unless he owes him money. They don't ring you, you definitely ring them! At most they'd send a text saying they have stuff to sell. I'd struggle to believe a dealer would ring a customer, and I've been both. I've never been involved with anything but ganja, so maybe other drugs work differently. There's no place for it in family life, maybe very occasionally away from the family. I face temptation back into booze and weed when I'm not happy, so maybe look into how he's feeling under the surface.

Alpacajigsaw · 21/12/2025 11:58

Drugs being brought onto my property would be the end,

Renamed · 21/12/2025 11:58

There are only two options really @Toothy3

  • you end the relationship or
  • you tell him firmly that if anything like this ever happens again you are ending the relationship, and mean it.
Catpiece · 21/12/2025 11:59

ilovepixie · 21/12/2025 10:59

If this was the first time in years I’d be asking him why? I wouldn’t necessarily end things over it if everything else is ok.

I agree with this. When did couples stop talking and trying to get to the bottom of things if they are generally happy together otherwise? We all fuck up. I’d have been fuming but I’d ask what the fuck had happened. Does the new firm have this sort of drug culture? Who else was taking drugs? It would make me anxious if he ever told me he was going out with them again. Talk to him. You’ve got two little kids.

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