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Original poster

DH ruined weekend with his drug binge

188 replies

Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 10:20

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
Getdne · 21/12/2025 12:51

I'm so sorry OP, but he is scum and he has form.
Your poor children with such a loser for a father.
I think sadly that people now think cocain is just an acceptable part of life that can happen, and be left behind.
It's not.
People who had a taste for it inevitably do it when an opportunity arises.
You and your children deserve so much better that a recreational user of coke.

Pricelessadvice · 21/12/2025 12:54

Drugs when you are a father? I’m sorry but this is a big no as far as I am concerned.
He needs to grow up.
The relationship would be over for me.

ILoveLeopard245 · 21/12/2025 12:54

The casual half arsed apology is his attempt to diminish responsibility and change the narrative to minimise things - “look how calm and reasonable I am while my fun sponge wife kicks off, and look how my children have wanted for nothing and she is still banging on about it”. He has absolutely crossed a line and it is understandable you feel so upset and confused. You need to see real, sustained and meaningful change if you are going to feel able to trust him again. And only you know if you feel you can.
the phone number thing doesn’t quite add up for me either.

KeepAwayFromChildren · 21/12/2025 12:56

You have to get a look at his phone before you can make any decisions. You don't know how bad it is yet.

whynotwhatknot · 21/12/2025 12:56

dealers dont call you unless youve contacted them for something

he either arranged to buy more or its someone else he doesn want you to know about

Theclocksticking · 21/12/2025 13:00

As long as the number you saw isn’t anything to do with cheating on you, then the situation is forgivable.

Yes, your DH ruined your plans and let you down massively with taking drugs but as you’ve said you’ve only ever seen him drunk twice in your entire relationship, so you should be able to put his drug taking down to his unexpected drunken behaviour. He’s probably shocked himself with his behaviour too. There’s no pattern of substance abuse, so see it as a one-off and give your DH a break!

Sassylovesbooks · 21/12/2025 13:00

When you say 'a number came up on his phone's, in what way? His phone rang? Someone text him? Or it was a number on his make-a-call screen, that he was going to call? If the number text him or called him, then he's clearly contacted the drug dealer. Even if he'd been given the number, programmed it into his phone - the drug dealer wouldn't contact him, unless he'd contacted them first!! Unfortunately, even though you husband hasn't touched drugs in years, it's behaviour you have seen before because he used to take drugs years ago. He's probably not taken drugs because he didn't mix with people who do any longer and the opportunity hasn't been there. What type of industry does he work in? Certain industries it can be common for cocaine to be used. It may be he wanted to 'fit in' with his new colleagues? He's been incredibly foolish, and it would concern me that he will slip back into old habits if he's mixing with work colleagues who take drugs. Did he drink in the past, and then take drugs? Could the reason why he rarely drinks in excess is because it triggers the desire to take drugs? He's gone out, got pissed up, and that old temptation was there? You need an honest and calm conversation with him.

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2025 13:02

Oh blimey, I’m sorry op. I’d struggle to get over this as I wouldn’t be able to trust him again, and you’ve got kids to think about. He should be grovelling quite honestly, and the fact he isn’t is telling. It would seem he doesn’t care enough or respect you enough to see the damage this has caused the family. I think I’d try and stay calm for Christmas for the kids, and reflect on things. In the NY you have decisions to make. I would think at the very least he needs to get another job, perhaps go to couples counselling etc to see if you can get past this, and seek legal advice if you can’t.

Theclocksticking · 21/12/2025 13:03

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2025 13:02

Oh blimey, I’m sorry op. I’d struggle to get over this as I wouldn’t be able to trust him again, and you’ve got kids to think about. He should be grovelling quite honestly, and the fact he isn’t is telling. It would seem he doesn’t care enough or respect you enough to see the damage this has caused the family. I think I’d try and stay calm for Christmas for the kids, and reflect on things. In the NY you have decisions to make. I would think at the very least he needs to get another job, perhaps go to couples counselling etc to see if you can get past this, and seek legal advice if you can’t.

OTT for a one-off!

Iamthemoom · 21/12/2025 13:04

It sounds like he got carried away in a night out with new colleagues and behaved incredibly selfishly. You have every right to be angry, upset, devastated by his behaviour. I would also be furious he brought drugs home where your children live and that he ruined an important family event. While it wouldn’t quite be LTB imho, I would be very concerned that it won’t be a one off. If it’s the norm on work outings at his new firm it is likely to happen again and do I think this needs a big sit down chat. Once is bad but if this were repeated then for me it would be LTB time. I wouldn’t want the drugs or behaviour in my life now as a parent, in any way.
Hope you’re ok OP. Sending you support. A colleague went through similar recently with her DH and it spiralled into full on addiction and an affair having left cocaine behind in his 20s. Be on your guard and have that conversation sooner rather than later.

YourMintTraybake · 21/12/2025 13:06

You will definitely get a mixed response from something like this and I personally don't think it should be so black and white

I have worked in a sales environment where it was VERY work hard play hard environment. So I have seen and experienced this situation first hand

I don't think you should end the relationship but he needs to be massively upfront if you suspect cheating. No hidden numbers etc he needs to prove that

I also think moving forward he commits to not going out with these colleagues. If he does it's one drink and home. If he can't do that then he's putting them before his family

Communication is key here, in all aspects. Find out why he's suddenly drinking more and turning to drugs. It could be a one off but these colleagues are likely to be a bad influence especially if they don't have partners and kids etc. his priorities should be different to them

Make it known you won't stand for it and if crosses your boundaries that's it

YourMintTraybake · 21/12/2025 13:07

Iamthemoom · 21/12/2025 13:04

It sounds like he got carried away in a night out with new colleagues and behaved incredibly selfishly. You have every right to be angry, upset, devastated by his behaviour. I would also be furious he brought drugs home where your children live and that he ruined an important family event. While it wouldn’t quite be LTB imho, I would be very concerned that it won’t be a one off. If it’s the norm on work outings at his new firm it is likely to happen again and do I think this needs a big sit down chat. Once is bad but if this were repeated then for me it would be LTB time. I wouldn’t want the drugs or behaviour in my life now as a parent, in any way.
Hope you’re ok OP. Sending you support. A colleague went through similar recently with her DH and it spiralled into full on addiction and an affair having left cocaine behind in his 20s. Be on your guard and have that conversation sooner rather than later.

Completely agree

Lavender14 · 21/12/2025 13:11

I don't know op you seem much more cool about this than I would be.

He's brought drugs into your family home. He's used family money to purchase drugs and fund dealers in your area who ruin the lives of young people and families every day. He's been on a come down and hasn't been able to parent properly as a result. He can't show self restraint on nights out - you say these are rare but if they are rare then it's all the more concerning this is happening. He's potentially cheated on you. He's been unfaithful to you before.

You have built a life with this man and the way he's acting could tear down the live you've built rapidly leaving you and your kids in the shit. For me this would be marriage ending stuff. The fact he's blasé about it would be the nail in the coffin because unless he's properly remorseful, properly accountable, not making excuses but taking action to make proper amends and get himself help then it's only a matter of time before it happens again.

He needs to leave this job urgently, he clearly can't manage himself in the culture there, he needs to block the numbers of any dealers or associations in his phone, he needs to get himself therapeutic support and quite frankly op I'd be asking him to leave the family home until he's done work on himself to safeguard your children.

Shadesofscarlett · 21/12/2025 13:18

should have dumped him when he was messaging other women tbh. But yep - this new behaviour is definitely a LTB.

Crazydoglady1980 · 21/12/2025 13:19

He needs to be thinking about how he stops it happening again. He may have been attempted if others around him are using, but he is in a different place now, and has a family he needs to be able to function around. I wouldn’t necessarily end it, but I would want to see him putting things in place so it doesn’t happen again, and if it did, that would be the end.
As others have said dealers don’t tend to phone people, especially people they don’t know.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 21/12/2025 13:23

If my dh took coke once he'd be gone.
It really is that simple.
Why isn't it for you op?. Genuinely asking.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/12/2025 13:23

Olefinssoredo · 21/12/2025 10:22

This would absolutely be the end for me. You and your children deserve better.

100%

MrMucker · 21/12/2025 13:30

Gawd we had our small kids in the 80s, and all I can say that if at least one of us hadn't behaved in this way over the 2 week festive period then that would've counted as a shit Christmas.
Nobody died, our 3 kids are all high flying professional adults, and all we regret now is being so old that a single glass of daytime wine these days leads to a quick pensioner nap rather than an impromptu kitchen disco.
Times have soooo changed.

PluckyChancer · 21/12/2025 13:32

Driftingawaynow · 21/12/2025 10:53

You’re going to get a lot of LTB responses from people who don’t realise just how widespread and mundane cocaine use is.
presumably he hasn’t left drugs were the kids could find them. I understand you are unlikely to want to split up over this if things are otherwise good.
it’s so shit of him to sabotage your day like this, alcohol as obviously played a massive part in impairing his judgement.
i feel you deserve an honest chat about that number in his phone once he has levelled out.
he owes you all a lovely day out, and an apology.
if he is nothing but defensive, then this is clearly unreasonable and you just have to take a view on the overall situation, but it is absolutely shit and I really feel for you. Ultimately if he thinks it’s okay to do this and then Be a prick about it afterwards then you will probably be happier alone or with someone else
dont blame you for being angry

Cocaine use is never ‘mundane’. It’s a class A drug that ruins lives of those that take it and everyone else involved in the supply chain.

People like you who minimise these facts need to spend a at least a weekend in a substance abuse rehabilitation unit and you might gain a bit of insight into why it’s so deadly!

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 21/12/2025 13:33

Nobody died

Lots of people died but they were brown and far away so they don't count, right?

LighthouseLED · 21/12/2025 13:37

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 21/12/2025 13:23

If my dh took coke once he'd be gone.
It really is that simple.
Why isn't it for you op?. Genuinely asking.

I agree.

I honestly think I’d find it easier to forgive a drunken ONS than taking Class A drugs - although I’d kick him out for either tbh.

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 21/12/2025 13:42

MrMucker · 21/12/2025 13:30

Gawd we had our small kids in the 80s, and all I can say that if at least one of us hadn't behaved in this way over the 2 week festive period then that would've counted as a shit Christmas.
Nobody died, our 3 kids are all high flying professional adults, and all we regret now is being so old that a single glass of daytime wine these days leads to a quick pensioner nap rather than an impromptu kitchen disco.
Times have soooo changed.

I wonder if you are joking? I hope so.

liamharha · 21/12/2025 13:42

Toothy3 · 21/12/2025 10:20

DH never goes out drinking or taking drugs anymore , he left that all behind in his 20’s before I met him but recently joined a new firm and they arranged a work do at a pub. We had a big family event the next day, we paid hundreds for it with our two little ones and he promised he would just have a couple beers to show his face. Where he never really goes out and he’s older now, I believed him. I woke up and found him in the garden at 5am, drinking a can of cider and remnants of cocaine on him. He admitted he had been doing cocaine most of night and took some home. I told him to fix up as we had the day to do and he was absolutely foul all day. I even saw a number appear on his phone which he quickly hid, so now I’m even concerned he’s cheated. He has a history of texting another woman years ago when we went through a rough patch but never actually doing anything. This all ruined the weekend and he’s still recovering today. He’s said sorry half heartedly but is acting blasé about it all. The fact he’s acting so chill about it it all is just making me angry and upset. Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this?

The call may have been a dealer .

Farmhouse1234 · 21/12/2025 13:43

MrMucker · 21/12/2025 13:30

Gawd we had our small kids in the 80s, and all I can say that if at least one of us hadn't behaved in this way over the 2 week festive period then that would've counted as a shit Christmas.
Nobody died, our 3 kids are all high flying professional adults, and all we regret now is being so old that a single glass of daytime wine these days leads to a quick pensioner nap rather than an impromptu kitchen disco.
Times have soooo changed.

Thing is - you were both on the same page re what fun entails. And it wasn’t a secret. Bit different to this situation.

SusiQ18472638 · 21/12/2025 13:46

Olefinssoredo · 21/12/2025 10:22

This would absolutely be the end for me. You and your children deserve better.

This. There is no way I would put up with any of that.