People who became a Mum at 36 and over

[sadatchristmastime1]

I've just turned 35 and am really struggling with being so single and childless. I have been in tears over it multiple times, I am sick of seeing threads all about how fertility is rubbish at 35 and over, such as the one recently where a mother said she was worried her 35 yo daughter wouldn't ever have kids, it makes me feel so so sad. I have tried to meet someone, it hasn't worked out and I feel like I'm facing a future where I may as well not be here. I have wanted to be a mother since as long as I can remember and having been on the dating apps almost constantly since I was 30, I'm loosing hope.

A friend of mine who was in the position has recently met someone and it feels like she's going off into the sunset with her new love and to her new life and I feel like things can only get worse from here as I now have nobody who can relate to me or I can relate to.

I really want to hear from people who conceived naturally and easily from 36, because realistically I'm unlikely to have a baby at 35... I don't want to hear things like 'freeze your eggs' 'adopt' as I'm not in a position for either of these. I would also find it financially tough on my own, so also not an option at the moment.

I just feel like a black cloud surrounds me now because of this. :(

I was 36 and 44 when I had my two without any IVF etc. The second one took two years to conceive.

I hope things work out for you.

I had my first at 35 (took 1 month to conceive) and my second at 39 (took 3 months to conceive). One of my friends had a baby with no issues at 45. There is still hope.

Hi OP, that sounds really tough. My sister had her first at 36, though, and had no trouble conceiving - it does happen!

I was 36 with my first, 39 with my second, both conceived naturally. I only started so late as first marriage broke down and I took my time to find my right. Wishing you all the best.

I didn’t think I could have kids as I had endometriosis.

I had a laparoscopy in Nov 2002, fell pregnant naturally on Feb 2003. Sadly miscarried in April then fell pregnant naturally again and my DS was born April 2004. I was 38 when he was born . He’s now a 6ft 21 year old.

All of my friends had kids in their mid/late30’s onwards. The first was 33 and the last was 42.

Hi OP. Like you I dated a succession of losers through my 20s and 30s (I even married one of them, briefly). Ultimately I’d given up just I met my now DH not long after I turned 36 and it was right from day one. We moved in together quickly, spurred on by lockdown, and against all MN advice started trying for a baby within a year as it was something we both wanted. We talked about it A LOT including all the scenarios of what if we didn’t work out etc. We were always on the same page. It took a while to conceive and I ended up having DS just before I turned 41.

A friend of mine had a similar journey but was 38 at meeting and 42 when she had her DS.

Don’t give up hope. If you’re on the apps I recommend just going for it. Go on ALL the first dates, even if they don’t seem perfect on paper, because one of them might just be in reality. The one word of warning I’d give is not to settle for any bloke that’s willing. Make sure he’s the right one. Wishing you all the best.

I know so many people who conceived past 36, with few problems. They may be the exception but there is always a way, if you are willing to go down the IVF route.

I was 36 and 38 when mine were conceived. First took a month, second took 2/3 months. I only met my husband at 35.

Oh and my friend met her DH later in life and had IVF twins at 41. She then fell pregnant again naturally very quickly - again with twins so from having no kids at 40, she had 4 at 43!

I was 40, we used condoms and mini pill and yet my DD was conceived. Im 44 now and it has never happened again! But it can and does.

My friend was 38 and fell pregnant intentionally with her sunset love and they had a second baby intentionally when she was 40.

You’re really not that old!!
Most of my friends had babies in their mid-late 30’s op.

I had my first at 36. I conceived in the third month of trying (and by “trying” I simply mean that we didn’t use any contraception).

I had the second at 38. I took longer to get pregnant than I had hoped but I think that was mainly because I was permanently exhausted because the toddler wasn’t sleeping well.

I got pregnant the month after we sorted out her sleeping issues (when she was 18 months) and I actually started getting a decent night’s sleep)!

Good luck!

I had mine at 36 and 38. Both conceived first month of trying. I did have a MMC at 34 and a MC at 40; again they both conceived first month.

I had my daughter at 36, naturally, at the first try.

I had a disastrous love life in my 20s and 30s (that makes it sound more interesting than it was - I just never met anyone I clicked with). I went on a blind date when I was 37, met my lovely DP, got pregnant at 38 after about 6 months of (kind of) trying; DS is now nearly 20.

It really isn’t too late.

Had my first (and only!) at 43, conceived naturally and was lucky to have a fairly straightforward pregnancy and birth. Took me 8 months to conceive after coming off the pill, which I had been on for over 20 years x

Absolutely hear you OP - I'm also 36 surrounded by friends that are now parents. I had a very tough year last year with this but then - and I don't know how i got there - i just was suddenly able to accept I can't control it and I'll make myself ill trying.

I know you mentioned you can't freeze your eggs. Is this financial? I had my first appointment last week and was told my reserve was lower than average for my age so I thought fuck the cost, and putting it on a credit card. Just worth thinking about this if at all possible, if only for your sanity.

It will probably be dependent on your maternal repro history. Do you know about that, eg when they went through menopause, the age when they had their chikdren?

My nephew was born to my 36 year old brother and his 38 year old partner. I don’t know exactly how long they had been trying for but I don’t think very long from a comment my brother made about having to cancel a holiday.

Also a work mate of mine was single on his 35th birthday and a married father of 2 by his 39th! His wife was a similar age.

I was 36 and 40. No problems conceiving and no issues

God I know LOADS of women who had kids after that age. About 50% of the mums I know! A lot of them didn’t even think twice about it as far as I can see. My pal turned 40 this week and is pregnant - with her second, but her first is only 2. No issues. Yes some had to have IVF, but I know many people who needed IVF in their 20s, and some who had IVF for their first then a surprise second natural conception (3 different women, it’s a thing).

I had my first child at 28 and second at 38. Second took only four months to conceive so seems like my fertility hasn’t declined too much in that time or maybe I was just lucky. Currently about to turn 40 and deciding whether to try for one more.

You sound really miserable, OP. You are reading the gloomy stories so are bound to feel miserable. There are countless stories of women conceiving naturally well into their 40s, some of them here. I had a miscarriage at 40, conceived again at 41 and had my DD at 42. I hope your story is added over the next few years.

I had DS 1 very soon into a relationship age 37. We are still together age 60+ . I had a miscarriage when I was 42, and a very nice surprise DS 2 age 47. I had extra testing with DS2 but good pregnancy and natural childbirth. He's 14 now, we've just been for a dog walk together, had a nice chat. DH cooking a roast for us all, DS 1 at work as a chef. Sometimes it just happens.

I conceived straight away at 36. My friend was told it was unlikely she could conceive naturally due to endometriosis, met her bloke at 39 fell pregnant when she was 40 soon after they started trying. It’s not too late but at the same time make wise decisions - be up front with anyone you meet and make sure they want the same thing.