People who became a Mum at 36 and over

[sadatchristmastime1]

I've just turned 35 and am really struggling with being so single and childless. I have been in tears over it multiple times, I am sick of seeing threads all about how fertility is rubbish at 35 and over, such as the one recently where a mother said she was worried her 35 yo daughter wouldn't ever have kids, it makes me feel so so sad. I have tried to meet someone, it hasn't worked out and I feel like I'm facing a future where I may as well not be here. I have wanted to be a mother since as long as I can remember and having been on the dating apps almost constantly since I was 30, I'm loosing hope.

A friend of mine who was in the position has recently met someone and it feels like she's going off into the sunset with her new love and to her new life and I feel like things can only get worse from here as I now have nobody who can relate to me or I can relate to.

I really want to hear from people who conceived naturally and easily from 36, because realistically I'm unlikely to have a baby at 35... I don't want to hear things like 'freeze your eggs' 'adopt' as I'm not in a position for either of these. I would also find it financially tough on my own, so also not an option at the moment.

I just feel like a black cloud surrounds me now because of this. :(

Like someone asked: is the reason for "don't give me your freeze your eggs talk" financial? Because I hate debt but I would literally put it on a credit card.

I started trying at 34, it took me a year. And DH and I were having sex at least every other day so we don't miss ovulation. I wasn't on hormone contraception for years prior, either.

It just blows my mind so many people succeed after 1 month of trying, sex 'once or twice a week' sort of thing. I was very surprised I wasn't one of them, but that's how it is.

Jennifer Aniston's quote springs to mind where she said how she'd have given anything if anyone just told her to freeze her eggs.

Can you at least have AHM levels checked? Mine were too high and that made me have 'the chat' with DH about starting TTC. I'm glad I did.

All the best to you

I had dcs aged 38 and 42. I only really decided to have dc aged about 36, so I didn't spend years worrying about whether I'd meet someone and conceive (I met DH aged 28 but had no plans for a family at that stage). Lots of my friends were single, gay and were happily child-free so I didn have any peer pressure or expectation to have dcs.
It took us about 18m to get pg with dc1 and a bit less with dc2, so it wasn't quick but I had the attitude that if it didn't happen, it wasn't meant to be, so I decided early on that we wouldn't bother with fertility treatment and I wouldn't have wanted to use donor eggs or sperm. I didn't allow it to stress me out or put pressure on my relationship. I'm in London and I'm firmly in the middle of the range of ages of other school mums.

I became pregnant at 38, 2 months after starting trying. Gave birth just before I turned 39.
My friend quickly conceived and Gave birth at 41.
Another friend had IVF and got pregnant on the first attempt. She gave birth at 42.

I live in a place where post 35 births are so usual no one bats an eye, not even the maternity hospital. Your fertility reduces slightly. It doesn't fall off a cliff.

I had my first baby at 34, took 3 months to conceive. My second I had at 37 and conceived on the first try. Straightforward pregnancies and deliveries both times.

Fertility does decline with age but it really isn't a cliff - lots and lots of women conceive late in their thirties and early in their forties.

There are things you can do to improve your fertility, by looking after your general health, taking folic acid etc. It's worth doing those things, but also don't fret - you still have time.

I had a baby age 34 and my second age 42. The second baby I conceived in two months, was completely healthy and a much easier pregnancy than my first.

Stay healthy, fit and positive!

Met DH at 37 and had my son at 43. Wasn’t even trying to get pregnant. 🤪
Very happy with how things have turned out and grateful to ex for cheating otherwise I could still be stuck with the selfish knob. 😂

I met my future husband aged 35, married him 37 and had dc1 38 dc2 40. No issues at all. It can be done so don't give up heart

My niece. First at 39, second at 41. Both easily conceived and both good healthy weights x

I had my first baby at 38 - conceived naturally at 37 after 9 months trying, despite adenomyosis and stage 4 endometriosis. Now have a lovely little boy, 2.5 years old. It can still happen for you x

Pregnant within 3 months at 37. Accidental pregnancy at 43.

DH and I were married for over 10 years and decided not to have children until we were "settled" in one of our home countries.

We were too busy traveling and working abroad and didn't come back to Europe until I was 37.

We really wanted a family and I was very nervous about having left it too late.

We conceived DD on the first try. When she was 13 months, I started feeling odd and DH immediately guessed I was pregnant again. We weren't even trying.

I recognise we were lucky, but there's no reason why you can't be either.

Despite having been with DP for 20 years, we didn’t start TTC until I was 39. I got pregnant at 40. Had DS1 (now 17.) Got pregnant again at 42. Sadly it was an ectopic pregnancy and I had to have a fallopian tube removed. But somehow managed to get pregnant again at 44 and had DS2, now 13. No help with any of my pregnancies, just good fortune, for which I’m very grateful.

It can happen. I wish you all the very best

Married at 40, pregnant at 41 and again at 42 (birth when i was 43). My only piece of advice - whatever your age - is make sure you are fit and healthy: it improves your chance of conception, it makes pregnancy easier and it definitely helps afterwards.

i have friends who have had unprotected sex sińce their 20s with no pregnancies but no apparent fertility issues. You simply don’t know if you are going to be “lucky”. The only proof of fertility is pregnancy.

I met my DP at 35 and had my first and only at 38. Conceived naturally and within two months of trying.

You have to be proactive at that age though. There are a lot of losers and it takes time to find someone you gel will. Be very candid about what you want and make sure they have similar values / priorities to you.

I had my first baby aged 41, conceived naturally, took no notice of cycle, etc.
My second was born 21 months later when I was 43.
I worked out that I fell pregnant with my second the month after I’d stopped breast feeding the first.
I am not sure if genetics played a part. One of my grandmothers’ had her last child at 47, and my cousin ( also her granddaughter) gave birth aged 49.
I am not necessarily advocating giving birth in your 40’s though.

I personally had issues with mc post 35 but was eventually successful with my 2nd child age 37.

my sister had her children age 36 and 38 with no issues .

I was 38, twins, no problems at all. I know lots of women who've got naturally pregnant up to and into their 40s - as women always have. Don't fixate on negative stories! Keep yourself healthy and as others have said, don't waste time on relationships that aren't headed the way you want to go. And don't rule out making a plan to do it alone if it's what you want most. Good luck!

I met my husband at 39, married at 40, first child 41, second at 43, both conceived within four months of trying.
Most of my friends had kids in their 40s, the oldest two 45 and 46. All without fertility treatments.
While fertility does drop the older you get, plenty of women have children later.

First at 37, no issues!

At 29 it took me three years, lots of investigations and fertility treatment to conceive. At 36 it took one month!

Hi OP, I had my first DD at 37 almost 38 took two months to conceive and my second DD at 41 almost 42 took 9 months, thankfully no losses.
my paternal grandmother married late in life for the 1940’s she was 36 , went on to have eight children the last my father was born 2 months before her 51st birthday. My doctor said fertility doesn’t drop dramatically in your 30’s and ladies who have fertility issues would have likely had problems in their 20’s but were not trying to conceive then .

I met my DH when I was 35 (and single). Babies at 37 and 39 (I do think when you're older, you decide these things quicker!). We were definitely lucky, but a lot of my mum friends had kids in late thirties. After 40, it can get trickier fast. Def don't panic yet!

36, conceived first unprotected fuck. Zero complications, easy pregnancy, excellent recovery, healthy baby. If he turns out autistic, it's because his dad is a train geek, not my age...

Met my Dh at 35, married at 35 . Had DS at 39 and Dd at 41