People who became a Mum at 36 and over

[sadatchristmastime1]

I've just turned 35 and am really struggling with being so single and childless. I have been in tears over it multiple times, I am sick of seeing threads all about how fertility is rubbish at 35 and over, such as the one recently where a mother said she was worried her 35 yo daughter wouldn't ever have kids, it makes me feel so so sad. I have tried to meet someone, it hasn't worked out and I feel like I'm facing a future where I may as well not be here. I have wanted to be a mother since as long as I can remember and having been on the dating apps almost constantly since I was 30, I'm loosing hope.

A friend of mine who was in the position has recently met someone and it feels like she's going off into the sunset with her new love and to her new life and I feel like things can only get worse from here as I now have nobody who can relate to me or I can relate to.

I really want to hear from people who conceived naturally and easily from 36, because realistically I'm unlikely to have a baby at 35... I don't want to hear things like 'freeze your eggs' 'adopt' as I'm not in a position for either of these. I would also find it financially tough on my own, so also not an option at the moment.

I just feel like a black cloud surrounds me now because of this. :(

First at 38, second at 40. No trouble at all conceiving either time.
Both healthy, amazing people, at university now.
Met my DH (now sadly deceased even though younger than me) in the August, pregnant by December, happily married 19 years.
life surprises you…

Ah OP I’m sorry to hear you feel this way.
I didn’t get married til I was 36 though had been with him for 6 years at that point (I wasn’t interested in marriage or children).
Until I was - I had 2 children one at almost 39 and one at 42. Unfortunately things didn’t go well (I didn’t want to distress you but it’s also perhaps hearing the “other” side - I don’t want to upset you in any way) but as far as I know neither issue was age-related. I had 2 full term pregnancies (one that ended badly and my DD who is disabled but that appears to be unrelated to genetics nor maternal age and might be partially caused by lack of space in utero (perhaps because of the work that had to be done to save my uterus after number 1).
Having said all that, I wouldn’t change my life (obviously if I could I’d “cure” DD for her sake).
Dont give up hope

Conceived in the first attempt 5 out of 6 times aged 36-41. 1 out of 6 on the second attempt.

However. Had an undiagnosed clotting issue which resulted in 3 miscarriages before a successful pregnancy, and another miscarriage in between.

Conceived at 35 with no hassles at all and again at 37 (twins!). Husband has now had a vasectomy but my periods are still very regular ten years on and I suspect I could still conceive now at 46.

I hope it happens for you, my love.

I had my DC at 40 and 44 - DC1 was conceived straight away, DC2 took a year of trying. I met DP at work when I was 38 and had given up looking after five years getting nowhere with OLD and speed-dating!

I’ve traced my family history, it seems a common occurrence for women in the old days to have their last child some time between their late 30’s to late 40’s. Early 40’s seems the most common. Back then, women had no choice but to leave to nature, so their last child was probably the limit of their fertility.

Two of my grandmothers (one on my dad’s side, one on my mum’s) had their 10th and last babies in their mid-40’s, one shortly before turning 46.

The Radford mum of 22 children had several in her 40’s, her last at 45.

For balance, I know a lady who wasn’t ready to try until 39/40, but had left it too late and never had children. She’s now 46/47 and focusing on being an auntie.

I also know two more women who could only have one (ages 36 and 37) due to leaving it too late.

I am 34.5 and single with endometriosis. I totally understand how you feel, and I’m panicking and having nightmares about waking up in my 40’s with an elderly mother and no children. If I want to be a mother, a man cannot be a priority. Most are useless anyway.

Freezing eggs has a poor success rate compared to freezing embryos, so it might be best to find a donor if you become able or change your mind about IVF.

I was 36 when I conceived and it happened first go - almost passed out with the shock but it happens. Sending you good luck ❤️

I was 38 and 41 when I had my 2. Conceived naturally. Chose the wrong father for them though so we are now divorced 😁

I conceived naturally at 34 (had baby at 35) and then again at 41 and 42. Healthy pregnancies and thriving children. I ended up as a single parent and honestly I would tell any woman at any age if she wanted a child to do it. Sperm donor from a clinic and go for it. 150%. My ex never contributed money wise or time wise emotionally, so I would tell my daughter or sons to have a child alone if they wanted one. Just do it. It’s not selfish or unreasonable.
My best friend was with her husband from 16, he died after two children when he was 36. I met the love of my life at 45 after having children. A child does not need two parents - one care over who loves them is enough. Sod this need a man and a woman to be madly in love and financially secure etc

I was 36 and 38 when I conceived my two children. I conceived first cycle we tried

Met my partner at 37, got pregnant without trying at 39, miscarried. Then conceived again at 40, not really trying as such. Happily resulted in our dd.

I would crack on and do it on your own if you can, I have several friends who decided that was a better option than waiting around for the right man when their time was running out. Not an easy journey or choice but none of them have any regrets.

My first at 40 (but three miscarriages first, which was devastating). My second at 43, conceived in the first month. Both naturally.

I started trying at 36 and got pregnant six weeks after.

Op, I conceived my first (and only) at 44 and 5 months. Delivered ds when I was 45 & 2 months. I wasn't actually trying, just started feeling a bit tired and ds popped up on the ultrasound.
Ds is 17 now, 6'1", and just finished his mock a'levels. All very straight forward 😊

Don't lose hope. You still have time. xx

I got pregnant (twice) easily at 36. The first of those pregnancies did end in miscarriage. I imagine just one of those things - 1 in 4 do and I got pregnant 2nd cycle trying with my first at 31, which was an easy and healthy pregnancy. I got pregnant first cycle trying after the mc again at 36. Again very easy, straightforward pregnancy. I have several friends who have had unplanned pregnancies in their 40s, one at 45! Not everyone has fertility struggles.

That said, getting and being pregnant is the easy bit about having a child. It’s the parenting part that’s really hard, so that’s what I’d be preparing yourself for.

Took a while both times but we had busy lives which probably didn't help. I conceived naturally at 39 and 44 (DC2 delivered at 45) both healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. Good luck OP.

similar story here, crap live life in 20s and early 30s. Met DP at 37, pregnant at 39 and gave birth at 40.5. Wouldn't mind having another if nature is kind 😇

I feel pregnant within 3 months of being off the pill at 37 and sadly had a miscarriage. Took me 6 months to be ready to try again and within a year I was pregnant again. I had DD at 40.

Not me but my mum had me easily enough at age 42.

I had my first at 32. Sadly my marriage then fell apart due to husbands affair and I gave up on having anymore, however met my current partner when I was 36 and we have just had a baby and I am 41. Fell pregnant after 6 months trying but sadly miscarried.at 5 weeks but 4 months later fell pregnant again and she was born 2 weeks ago - all sttaightforward despite my age

Conceived fairly easily in late 30's.

However theres no point in everyone telling you this, it has no bearing on you.

I'd focus all my energy on improving my financial situation in order to do it on my own. And I'd consider any way of getting pregnant that wouldn't make me or my child vulnerable.

I had my surprise 3rd at 37. Genuine accident. No idea how it happened (well… you know what I mean), so fertility doesn’t necessarily decline. The stats are average. Some are more fertile, some less

Yup! Quite common these days, but Id look at saving every month if you can for potential ivf down the line. Might make you feel better about it and more in control.

Im thinking about who I know.

• friend - conceived naturally and very quickly at 37 and 39
• friend looooads of fertility issues then naturally had one aged 41 (her only child).
• colleague - 3 in her 40s! Ages between 40 and 45. Natural. Very unusual though.
• another colleague - 1 at 38 and twins at 40. IVF.
• Friend of a friend at ages 40 and 43 (IVF)

cant think of any more right now but sure there are loads.

OH and someone who had one at 47!!! Friend of an older friend. Big shock!