People who became a Mum at 36 and over

[sadatchristmastime1]

I've just turned 35 and am really struggling with being so single and childless. I have been in tears over it multiple times, I am sick of seeing threads all about how fertility is rubbish at 35 and over, such as the one recently where a mother said she was worried her 35 yo daughter wouldn't ever have kids, it makes me feel so so sad. I have tried to meet someone, it hasn't worked out and I feel like I'm facing a future where I may as well not be here. I have wanted to be a mother since as long as I can remember and having been on the dating apps almost constantly since I was 30, I'm loosing hope.

A friend of mine who was in the position has recently met someone and it feels like she's going off into the sunset with her new love and to her new life and I feel like things can only get worse from here as I now have nobody who can relate to me or I can relate to.

I really want to hear from people who conceived naturally and easily from 36, because realistically I'm unlikely to have a baby at 35... I don't want to hear things like 'freeze your eggs' 'adopt' as I'm not in a position for either of these. I would also find it financially tough on my own, so also not an option at the moment.

I just feel like a black cloud surrounds me now because of this. :(

I had low ovarian reserve and was told it was very unlikely I’d conceive spontaneously. Consultant actively didn’t recommend IVF as eggs so poor. Conceived spontaneously at 37 and our son’s six now.

I had my second at 37, got pregnant first time trying! 😂

I know this isn't what you asked. But are you currently trying to date? I would be online if it's something you really want @sadatchristmastime1

I was 39 and pregnant within two weeks of trying! Don’t give up hope! Good luck.,

I was 39 when I had my last baby. Came off the pill after several years on it and conceived before my first proper period.

I thought I would find it hard to conceive because of reading the same things.

In the end I conceived very quickly, at 37 after 5 months without trying, and then again at 44 after two months of properly tracking and trying. Two healthy babies.

The stats are not great but you don’t know how it will be for yourself. Hope it works out for you. :)

Met my DP on dating app at 35, babies at 37 and 40, both conceived first try as well a miscarriage in between which was also easily conceived. Various friends having babies in their 40s. Good luck

I started trying just as i turned 36, conceived on month 3, DD born 6 days before my 37th birthday.

Had DC at 36, 38 and 41. All conceived within the first 2 months of trying.

I did, twice. Either the first or second month. DH said it was a good job we'd always been careful with contraception 😁

I got pg at 38 after a few months peeing on a stick from the poundshop (to identify best days to conceive)

My two best friends had surprise pregnancies at 38 and 40!

Ah, don't stress. What you are feeling is nothing but one of life's social constructs - so don't fall for it. We're conditioned to think that we must reach certain milestones to feel worthy.
For context, I married late and became a mum in my mid 40s. All I can tell you is that I'm so glad I did everything so late and I recognise that I was lucky in my 40s. When we did want to try for a family, my husband and I - after spending most of our lives unmarried and generally enjoying life, punctuated with intermittent relationships, and trying not to get pregnant / get a woman pregnant - thought it would be a doddle. It wasn't. I conceived naturally after a few months. Our DCs are still young. Love them, but parenting is hard, and even when you're in a loving relationship: marriage can be difficult. You have to give up a lot of freedom and the great life you now have of doing absolutely what TF you want, just ends. You and spouse end up asking each other every day what you want for dinner or what needs to be bought from the supermarket. Of course some of this is written with tongue in cheek, but it's still mostly true: marriage isn't a word - it's a sentence! Great if you ride it out and make things work, but it can be incredibly stifling too. After you marry, you'll occupy your thoughts with wanting a child and then when you have one, society will start asking when you'll have your second and third.

So in short, be kind to yourself and don't for one moment think or feel you are less than anyone else.

I'm in what I think to be as a relatively good relationship with my husband and our DC are very easy relatively, BUT they all still annoy the hell out of me sometimes. The kids speak loudly every time their dad and I try to talk or DH and I will have the odd communication issue.

I remember being in my 30s and I felt lonely - no-one with whom to watch my Netflix shows! Now DH and I can never bloody choose anything. It takes about 15 mins just to agree on a show!

Good luck x

First at 40 ( took a year as had two m/c), second at 42 ( conceived second month of trying). My three close friends from uni all had two children in their late 30s and early 40s ( one had IVF for her second).

Every single expectant mum in my NCT class of 8 was aged between 35 and 42. And only one was an IVF pregnancy, rest all natural. All babies born safe and well and still thriving 2 decades later!

37...first attempt.

Met DH 34.5
Married 35.5
1st baby 36.5 (conceived first month off pill before had period)
Started trying for 2nd after 40, pregnant twice in a year (two miscarriages) and 2nd baby born when I was 42 - so conceived 3 times between 40 and 41.5 without any medical intervention.
Statistics aren’t wrong, but many many women have babies after 35.
best of luck, I remember the feelings you are describing x

Hey, you'll be fine. I'm a physician and know plenty of first time Mums 38-42 🥰

I met my partner through online dating at 37. Had my 2 kids at 40 and 41. Was pregnant 3 times with a miscarrage with first but all 3 i was pregnant within 3/4 months of trying. I know I was lucky bit it is possible so keep the faith!

Use a wingwoman and show clear signs when you like guys.

I had my first At 35 and second at 36. In my mother's group, there was a 37 year old first time mum, and two 41 year old first time mum's. One of the 41 year olds had IVF and could not fall pregnant a second time. The other 41 year old mum got pregnant almost straight away. I also know another mum who had her second at 43, she got pregnant 3 months into a new relationship when her first child was 10. It's definitely not all over after 35.

Conceived 3 times over 35. First one and 3rd one happened on first try. Second one took 2 months.

I had my daughter aged 36, conceived the first month of trying.

I had my first a little earlier than 35, I was 34, we weren’t ting, I was on antibiotics and my pill obviously didn’t work. I had my second at 38, first month of trying. Hope this helps,.

I know a couple of people who got pregnant naturally at 40! Pregnancy and birth all went well!

People are choosing to have children later in life now anyway

I met my DH at 35, after long periods of being single, broken up with short periods of dating total idiots. Was completely sick of the whole thing.

married at 37, got pregnant after 6 months of no contraception. First baby at 39, second baby at 40 (conceived within 3 months of no contraception. All very organic and easy. I find this dogma about fertility falling off a cliff etc really unhelpful and not at all true in my case.