I broke up with my gf due to the age difference and struggling

[Johnsullivan223]

I’m 29M. For the last 5 months I was dating a 36F. She turns 37 this month.

i deeply deeply care for her. I think it probably is love. And she feels the same way back.

but I have been hugely worried about the age gap from the start. Mainly around kids. I definitely want kids, but the timeline we have to have them is far smaller than someone my own age. There’s huge risk she may not be able to have them by the time I’m ready. I’d have to rush a decision in the next 2 years to have kids or not.

I couldn’t be in the relationship fully. when she showed me love, I’d feel scared. Even though I felt the same way. Because I was too afraid to feel something for someone who I may have to leave at some point if she can’t have kids.

Better we split she was freezing her eggs as I told her how worried I was. But it didn’t sort the anxiety.

That eventually became so heavy I left 3 days ago. I told her I really really didn’t want to do this but felt I had to. I was extremely emotional and said I need a few days to think.

Since leaving I’ve felt the worst I’ve ever felt. I’m anxious. Can’t sleep. Worried I made the wrong choice.

I’m realising how much I really do love her. And I don’t know what to do.

she wasn’t pressuring me. It was all coming from my logical mind.

it feels like I risk kids to be with her. And maybe have them but probably really struggle and maybe never have them. Or leave now.

I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified and really struggling. I’m not sure I made the right choice.

I’m sure you’ve previously said she’s happy to go with the flow; she’d like kids with the right person, but if it doesn’t happen she’’s fine with that too. This decision was all about what you want, and your plans for your life.

If you’d really loved her for who she was you’d have accepted the risk that she might be infertile - not because of her age, but because nothing is guaranteed. You’d have been willing to deal with that, if it happened, by looking into adoption or IVF, or by adjusting your life plans. If you genuinely loved her you’d want to be with her even if conceiving would be difficult or impossible.
But your willingness to be in a relationship with her was entirely dependent on her fertility; you were utterly fixated on her age and her potential to conceive your child at some undefined point in the future (you’d decide when, of course). You behaved as though her value to you was primarily tied to her uterus, as if she was nothing more than a vessel that was quickly going out of date. That’s not love, and you’ve done the right thing ending it now.

Stay split up and speak to your therapist for support with your emotions and anxiety. Be single for a while and work on yourself, then maybe one day you’ll meet someone who you love for who they are, not for the hypothetical functionality of their reproductive system.

OP, I would find all this from you frustrating, melodramatic and frankly utterly boring if I were her, 5 months into a relationship. Leave her alone and sort yourself out as you clearly have issues unconnected with her childbearing window.

If you make her wait and then spilt later or she cannot get pregnant and you, wanting children, leave then it is much much worse. If you want kids commit, if not leave.

Sweet jesus for the what 5th thread in a row - leave her. It will not work. You need to move on and repair yourself and get the therapy you really really need. You cannot keep on like this. Thread after thread about the same thing and nothing changes. Get help.

What does SHE want? What's her opinion on it all?

I think, firstly, you need to stop asking for advice on here because you've been given tons of advice but always seem to ignore it all. It feels like no matter what people say to try and help, you're not taking anything on board whether people are saying stick with her or leave, you're finding problems with everything. So in the grand scheme of things, you are getting nothing out of this post (or the numerous ones before) except you say you're feeling bullied and not listened to so I think it maybe should be the end of the line with the posting on here.
Secondly, I think you need more help than anything you're receiving yet. I am starting to question if any of this is real because it's pretty much the same thing over and over but if it is, then you need a more professional hand than anything that can be offered on here.

No you don't have time. There's always going to be exceptions and stories of people who had healthy children at age 40 years and above, but women can develop fertility problems or other health issues from age 35 onwards. Some have early menopause at 40.

OP if you’re serious about her but want to delay kids, you can freeze embryos rather than eggs, it’s far more successful and they can stay frozen as long as you like.

This is self indulgent clap trap. Either piss or get off the pot

Gosh, it's all about you, isnt it? Basically thinking of her as a baby making machine and not a human. I hope you ask for her back and she says no (and then goes on to meet and have babies with someone who actually loves and respects her enough to be with her regardless of whether she can give him children.) You dont deserve her.

Grow up, OP. You've posted more doleful posts about this five-month relationship than most people post about about a 30 year marriage. Virtually everyone told you to and it the last ten times you posted. No one bullied you. Some people got impatient with your melodramatics. It’s good that you have. Now focus on your life, have some therapy, and be single for a while. Quite a long while.

It doesn’t fundamentally matter whether you love her. Love does not conquer all. I’ve walked away more than once from someone I loved because, as in yours, the circumstances weren’t right.

I think it would be good for you to pause and engage in some self care for a while. I think you sound like you feel overwhelmed and these ruminating thoughts are making you anxious and stressed. There's an expression "sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head" and I think this applies here. Calm down, breathe, take time apart to settle. See friends and family etc. have a break from thinking and talking about your relationship. Maybe speak to the doctor about the anxiety. I think stepping back for a bit would be good for you both. I wish you good luck, take care of yourself.

Kindly, you are way overthrowing.

She may or may not want children. But just because she's over 35 doesn't mean she is infertile. I had DC at 42, a friend of mine did at 45.
You're younger. You could potentially father a child up into your late 60s, or more.
What's the rush?
Enjoy being together and let the relationship develop.
If she doesn't want children in a few years time then you can re-evaluate.
I know quite a lot of older people that opted not to have families and they're perfectly content. I realise that's not what everyone wants, but being a parent isn't necessarily the be-all and end-all.

This relationship is in its early stages. It would be great to just let it mature.

29 - 30 isn't too young to become a Dad, its prime time. You just need to figure out if you want kids with her or not. You could meet a 25 year old date for 5 years get married and try for a baby and still have fertility issues, there are no guarantees. Either way better to be with the right person.

Let this woman to get a partner she deserves. You are not ready for a relationship. What you want is a mummy and no responsibilities. Kindly, grow up first. Plus, therapy