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Original poster

I broke up with my gf due to the age difference and struggling

140 replies

Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 12:37

I’m 29M. For the last 5 months I was dating a 36F. She turns 37 this month.

i deeply deeply care for her. I think it probably is love. And she feels the same way back.

but I have been hugely worried about the age gap from the start. Mainly around kids. I definitely want kids, but the timeline we have to have them is far smaller than someone my own age. There’s huge risk she may not be able to have them by the time I’m ready. I’d have to rush a decision in the next 2 years to have kids or not.

I couldn’t be in the relationship fully. when she showed me love, I’d feel scared. Even though I felt the same way. Because I was too afraid to feel something for someone who I may have to leave at some point if she can’t have kids.

Better we split she was freezing her eggs as I told her how worried I was. But it didn’t sort the anxiety.

That eventually became so heavy I left 3 days ago. I told her I really really didn’t want to do this but felt I had to. I was extremely emotional and said I need a few days to think.

Since leaving I’ve felt the worst I’ve ever felt. I’m anxious. Can’t sleep. Worried I made the wrong choice.

I’m realising how much I really do love her. And I don’t know what to do.

she wasn’t pressuring me. It was all coming from my logical mind.

it feels like I risk kids to be with her. And maybe have them but probably really struggle and maybe never have them. Or leave now.

I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified and really struggling. I’m not sure I made the right choice.

OP posts:
GrandmasCat · 09/12/2025 13:08

To be honest, I think you are overthinking and trying to calculate precise outcomes when people are not exact science.

You may feel ready to have kids next year… or ready to run a mile.

You may think she is the love of your life … because you have not yet meet the one.

You may want to have children later… but you may realise it is you who can’t.

Too much attachment to early in the relationship is rarely good news, it is good that you are taking a step back. Let the hormones settle down for a few months and I bet you would be wondering why were you overthinking so much.

Original poster
Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:08

HyggeTygge · 09/12/2025 13:02

You're not currently on the same page about kids. This is no-one's fault, but it is a huge indicator that you shouldn't be together while she wants to have kids with someone.

You did the right thing. You can't force wanting to be a parent. Your uncertainty and anxiety even when in the relationship seems like it would have had a negative effect anyway.

This isn’t the case. It was more from me. I want kids down the line and worry that she won’t be able to have them later

OP posts:
Devuelta81 · 09/12/2025 13:10

Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 12:46

Do you think we actually have time. She’d be 40 by the time we’d even start trying.

Show quote history

I know two women who have had children in their late 40s recently (admittedly not the easiest ride with IVF etc but doable). I know another who is struggling at 45 but it's actually her husband who is the issue, her fertility is fine! You never know with these things.

But if you have posted before about this (a couple of threads?) we've all told you this already!

Original poster
Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:10

GrandmasCat · 09/12/2025 13:08

To be honest, I think you are overthinking and trying to calculate precise outcomes when people are not exact science.

You may feel ready to have kids next year… or ready to run a mile.

You may think she is the love of your life … because you have not yet meet the one.

You may want to have children later… but you may realise it is you who can’t.

Too much attachment to early in the relationship is rarely good news, it is good that you are taking a step back. Let the hormones settle down for a few months and I bet you would be wondering why were you overthinking so much.

But in a few months she may have moved on?
I asked her for a few days to think not a few months.

in a few months time she may never want me again. Or have met someone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:11

Devuelta81 · 09/12/2025 13:10

I know two women who have had children in their late 40s recently (admittedly not the easiest ride with IVF etc but doable). I know another who is struggling at 45 but it's actually her husband who is the issue, her fertility is fine! You never know with these things.

But if you have posted before about this (a couple of threads?) we've all told you this already!

Show quote history

I don’t know what to do right now

OP posts:
Justlostmybagel · 09/12/2025 13:12

Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:11

I don’t know what to do right now

Show quote history

Move on.

Bobiverse · 09/12/2025 13:12

You again? How many threads do you need about this @Johnsullivan223?
You’ve started a load of them and been given the same advice every time. You’re too immature, the relationship doesn’t work, you were almost toxic together.
You’re also planning to move abroad and travel for a few years and didn’t want to settle down but wanted her to wait or be there after or some nonsense.

Just leave it. It doesn’t work. Take the advice you’ve been given for months on here.

Original poster
Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:12

Justlostmybagel · 09/12/2025 13:11

Dont be mean. I’ve done what Apparnrtly everyone told me to do. Don’t bully me again now.

im struggling with this decision it may be wrong

OP posts:
couldthisbe2501 · 09/12/2025 13:13

And if you wait and find out that you can’t have children? What then? You’re laying all this at her door ‘I’m not this’ and ‘I’m not that’, but forgetting entirely that not many things go entirely to plan.

Bobiverse · 09/12/2025 13:13

Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:12

Dont be mean. I’ve done what Apparnrtly everyone told me to do. Don’t bully me again now.

im struggling with this decision it may be wrong

Show quote history

No one is bullying you. Just grow up. Get therapy for your anxiety and obsession.

Justlostmybagel · 09/12/2025 13:13

Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:12

Dont be mean. I’ve done what Apparnrtly everyone told me to do. Don’t bully me again now.

im struggling with this decision it may be wrong

Show quote history

It's not wrong. Move on. There are plenty of women your own age out there.

Original poster
Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:13

Bobiverse · 09/12/2025 13:12

You again? How many threads do you need about this @Johnsullivan223?
You’ve started a load of them and been given the same advice every time. You’re too immature, the relationship doesn’t work, you were almost toxic together.
You’re also planning to move abroad and travel for a few years and didn’t want to settle down but wanted her to wait or be there after or some nonsense.

Just leave it. It doesn’t work. Take the advice you’ve been given for months on here.

Sorry but haven’t I just done what was Apparnrtly the right thing? Why are you being so horrid

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 09/12/2025 13:14

You’ve been together five months. Why do you have to make such make or break decisions now? I’d just keep dating for longer and see how you feel in a years time. By then your feelings for each other may have deepened and you will know whether to make a permanent commitment.
Children are not a given. You may fall in love with a 25 year old who has fertility issues. What you should concentrate on is the person - do I want this woman irrespective of whether we have children? If yes then commit and if blessed with kids great.
I didn’t meet my DH til I was 39. We married at 40 and I had children at 41 and 43. But if I didn’t have kids my husband still wanted to be with me - we discussed this. Our relationship was what we both wanted, it wasn’t future children that may never have been.

KitsyWitsy · 09/12/2025 13:14

You again!

You need to be single for a while. You're not ready for this.

AutumnAllTheWay · 09/12/2025 13:15

You sound like you love her. Don't listen to a load of randoms online.

Lots have children in their late thirties/ early forties with no problem.

If you love her, go for it! Say it all works out and youre 31 when you have your first? Whats wrong with that?

Original poster
Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:15

Bobiverse · 09/12/2025 13:13

No one is bullying you. Just grow up. Get therapy for your anxiety and obsession.

Show quote history

You are. I broke up with someone I deeply care for. 3 days ago. Come for help. And you tell me off.

Do you get some kind of kick out of this? Because it’s a deep lack of empathy in your side if not

OP posts:
Terrytheweasel · 09/12/2025 13:16

The average age to have children is 30. I would just get on with it. There’s no guarantees about anything in life.

TheaBrandt1 · 09/12/2025 13:16

You’re 29 hardly 19 🙄.

Met Dh when he was 27 and I was 29. We knew by our third date this was it. He was actually keener to start a family sooner than I was. On his 30th birthday he had a six month old.

Bobiverse · 09/12/2025 13:16

Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:13

Sorry but haven’t I just done what was Apparnrtly the right thing? Why are you being so horrid

Show quote history

Because you’re back here with yet another thread that’s the exact same as the others, and you’re going to go round and round and argue with any advice given to you and continue to make no sense and have no idea what you want and complain that people are mean. It’s all pointless and a waste of time of every person who reads this.

You’ve been given the advice. You’ve finally ended if. Just leave it and move on. Stop banging on about it. You’ll be much happier if you just give yourself time to get over it and move one and go live your life. Stop obsessing.

Original poster
Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:18

Bobiverse · 09/12/2025 13:16

Because you’re back here with yet another thread that’s the exact same as the others, and you’re going to go round and round and argue with any advice given to you and continue to make no sense and have no idea what you want and complain that people are mean. It’s all pointless and a waste of time of every person who reads this.

You’ve been given the advice. You’ve finally ended if. Just leave it and move on. Stop banging on about it. You’ll be much happier if you just give yourself time to get over it and move one and go live your life. Stop obsessing.

Show quote history

Bye

OP posts:
Periperi2025 · 09/12/2025 13:18

What is it about having a kid at 29-31 that is going to change in the next decade?

What do you feel you will miss out on?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 09/12/2025 13:19

Justlostmybagel · 09/12/2025 13:11

Fuck me it's this guy...

I suspected when he mentioned the US
🤦‍♀️

Daygloboo · 09/12/2025 13:20

Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 12:37

I’m 29M. For the last 5 months I was dating a 36F. She turns 37 this month.

i deeply deeply care for her. I think it probably is love. And she feels the same way back.

but I have been hugely worried about the age gap from the start. Mainly around kids. I definitely want kids, but the timeline we have to have them is far smaller than someone my own age. There’s huge risk she may not be able to have them by the time I’m ready. I’d have to rush a decision in the next 2 years to have kids or not.

I couldn’t be in the relationship fully. when she showed me love, I’d feel scared. Even though I felt the same way. Because I was too afraid to feel something for someone who I may have to leave at some point if she can’t have kids.

Better we split she was freezing her eggs as I told her how worried I was. But it didn’t sort the anxiety.

That eventually became so heavy I left 3 days ago. I told her I really really didn’t want to do this but felt I had to. I was extremely emotional and said I need a few days to think.

Since leaving I’ve felt the worst I’ve ever felt. I’m anxious. Can’t sleep. Worried I made the wrong choice.

I’m realising how much I really do love her. And I don’t know what to do.

she wasn’t pressuring me. It was all coming from my logical mind.

it feels like I risk kids to be with her. And maybe have them but probably really struggle and maybe never have them. Or leave now.

I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified and really struggling. I’m not sure I made the right choice.

I dont know what you are worried about. 29 isnt young to have kids and 36 isnt a really old female. My friend is 9 years older than her partner . She had 2 kids with him when she was in her mid to late thirties. Theyve been together for years and are very happy. I think you are a bit neurotic.

Original poster
Johnsullivan223 · 09/12/2025 13:20

Periperi2025 · 09/12/2025 13:18

What is it about having a kid at 29-31 that is going to change in the next decade?

What do you feel you will miss out on?

its more is 2 years enough time to know if someone’s the one for kids

OP posts: