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Original poster

25 year old SIL. No comparison, no jealousy.

235 replies

KKD90 · 05/12/2025 22:38

Hi all,

I’m 35, extremely career driven and this year have started family planning. My husband bought a new car this year and saved long and hard. His brother and his wife are younger than us, they have the most luxury but budget life and it makes no sense on how they afford it. She works as reception manager and he’s just help desk (not knocking jobs) but they both drive a BMW each, have lots of gold jewellery, and the other day, my SIL walked in with an LV bag (something I have wanted for around two years but, priorities). She revealed my brother in-law bought it for her. They also have an 11 month old. They have made comments about me and my husband buying groceries in M&S and how expensive it is?!

I immediately felt pretty shit when I saw her walk in with the bag. Not because she had it, but I work hard and hadn’t been able to buy it. I also sacrifice a lot, we don’t own our own home yet and are also working towards that (we live with my in-laws). This isn’t a comparison, but I feel so shit. My husband earns well, bought his luxury car and his clothes. I don’t own anything like it. It’s just a shitty feeling. My money goes towards saving for a house, handing him £500 towards the car .. that I don’t drive.

OP posts:
Calendulaaria · 05/12/2025 22:40

Your problem is how unhappy you feel with your husband, not your SIL.

cestlavielife · 05/12/2025 22:41

How big is their credit card debt?
You do you
They do their thing

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/12/2025 22:43

Why are all your woes fixated on her?

FelineFeasts · 05/12/2025 22:44

No jealousy, but you feel shit when you see her with a nice bag? Sorry OP but that is jealousy. We all feel jealousy sometimes, but we have to own it.

cornflourblue · 05/12/2025 22:45

You're living with your in laws, saving hard for a house - and your husband bought a luxury car?

Your BIL and SIL may be living on credit. They may begrudge the savings you are making by living with his parents.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Concentrate on your own life and saving goals.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/12/2025 22:45

Spoiler alert: An LV bag (which you are jealous about) isnt the problem

My husband earns well, bought his luxury car and his clothes. I don’t own anything like it.

Why dont you own "anything like" what your husband owns? Does he have more discretionary spends? If so why? How will this work when you have children and your earning ability and ability to increase earnings takes a hit???

Why is he buying a luxury car when he is still living with his parents and doesnt own a home???

So many questions....

They are probably jealous you save 1-2k per month mooching off the in laws and not paying rent or mortgage.

me24x · 05/12/2025 22:46

Why did your husband buy a new car when you are living with in-laws and saving for a house?

CrossChecking · 05/12/2025 22:46

Stop paying towards the car and you'll have bag money in no time.

Original poster
KKD90 · 05/12/2025 22:49

Just an FYI - Sil and Bil live with her parents, and their 11 month old baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
KKD90 · 05/12/2025 22:50

CrossChecking · 05/12/2025 22:46

Stop paying towards the car and you'll have bag money in no time.

Honestly. He told me not to be so ‘materialistic’ says him with his luxury car. what the actual f.

OP posts:
Original poster
KKD90 · 05/12/2025 22:51

me24x · 05/12/2025 22:46

Why did your husband buy a new car when you are living with in-laws and saving for a house?

Because he’s wanted a car for a long time. He was sharing with his brother, then he moved out and then with his mum. I really thought my husband was good with money, 4 years in and i’m really unsure.

OP posts:
TheAutumnCrow · 05/12/2025 22:54

KKD90 · 05/12/2025 22:51

Because he’s wanted a car for a long time. He was sharing with his brother, then he moved out and then with his mum. I really thought my husband was good with money, 4 years in and i’m really unsure.

Show quote history

Would you have more money if you lived on your own, independently?

I’ll not lie, I’d be tempted …

Hayley1256 · 05/12/2025 22:57

Do you give him £500 a month towards the car? How far off are you from saving a house deposit? I don't think this is about the bag but more about where you are in life

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/12/2025 22:59

KKD90 · 05/12/2025 22:51

Because he’s wanted a car for a long time. He was sharing with his brother, then he moved out and then with his mum. I really thought my husband was good with money, 4 years in and i’m really unsure.

Show quote history

I want a 36mm gold day date rolex with emerald diamonds on the face and a volvo X40...instead we drive a shitty Toyota yaris and had our second child 😅 he is more beautiful than the watch!!!

Clearly the car is more important than a home and child and a joint future....

Also ask yourself....
if dreams and wants are so important
why didn't he just buy a 37k instead of a 40k car (or whatever) and then get you your LV dream bag with the 3k... then your dream could have been made a reality too....
Why dont your dreams count?

Somehow missed this:
My money goes towards saving for a house, handing him £500 towards the car .. that I don’t drive.

Wtaf? So he didnt even save for it??? And you paying for it???

Girl - start questioning your life choices and stay on contraception....

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/12/2025 23:01

If you have a £1k monthly car payment between you, this will have a massive effect on your mortgage affordability. You’ve put yourselves backwards.

All of you living the high life while still living with parents sounds pointless, tbh.

JudgeBread · 05/12/2025 23:04

KKD90 · 05/12/2025 22:51

Because he’s wanted a car for a long time. He was sharing with his brother, then he moved out and then with his mum. I really thought my husband was good with money, 4 years in and i’m really unsure.

Show quote history

Mate if he was good with money you wouldn't be living with his parents at 35 years of age while he drives a luxury car.

Original poster
KKD90 · 05/12/2025 23:04

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/12/2025 23:01

If you have a £1k monthly car payment between you, this will have a massive effect on your mortgage affordability. You’ve put yourselves backwards.

All of you living the high life while still living with parents sounds pointless, tbh.

Edited

It is ridiculous when you think about it? It happens a lot in Punjabi families. Parents too attached and want their adult kids and wives to stay with them.

OP posts:
Roseshoe · 05/12/2025 23:08

So what is it you actually want? A house, an LV bag, a family and a husband who is good with money? You might need to prioritise…

Original poster
KKD90 · 05/12/2025 23:08

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/12/2025 22:59

I want a 36mm gold day date rolex with emerald diamonds on the face and a volvo X40...instead we drive a shitty Toyota yaris and had our second child 😅 he is more beautiful than the watch!!!

Clearly the car is more important than a home and child and a joint future....

Also ask yourself....
if dreams and wants are so important
why didn't he just buy a 37k instead of a 40k car (or whatever) and then get you your LV dream bag with the 3k... then your dream could have been made a reality too....
Why dont your dreams count?

Somehow missed this:
My money goes towards saving for a house, handing him £500 towards the car .. that I don’t drive.

Wtaf? So he didnt even save for it??? And you paying for it???

Girl - start questioning your life choices and stay on contraception....

Edited
Show quote history

He put a chunk of his own money towards the car. I’m just helping with extra others, insurance etc. It does hurt a little, my salary is double below his, 20% of it goes to him for those things just mentioned. I don’t even drive the car. I work in London a lot and never need it.

There is a lot that I’m reflecting on. Being 35, living with his mum and dad (who are annoyingly controlling and status driven) effs me off.

OP posts:
Original poster
KKD90 · 05/12/2025 23:10

I want to add, I don’t NEED the bag, but it’s something I have wanted for the longest time. It would have been just nice? I am aware his brother earns less than him, so I don’t understand how he can’t afford it. I usually settle for high street bags,
and then my husband will say ‘no no, get a designer bag’ but doesn’t feel the need or to offer a gesture to pay. It is shit.

OP posts:
User5306921 · 05/12/2025 23:17

This isn't about your SIL. It isn't even about living with your inlaws.

This is about funding your husband's expensive tastes while not being able to afford what you want to buy yourself. Your husband's priorities are backwards (probably the way he has been brought up as you say his parents are status driven) but perhaps he is perfectly happy living with his parents. You're not and a long hard conversation is very overdue.

If he wants to save, he needs to downsize his car and start putting a chunk of his salary into a joint savngs account.

OneGreySeal · 05/12/2025 23:33

Op you have a husband problem not a SIL problem.

Your husband lives with his parents, presumably rent and bill free yet still has to get his wife to pay for his car on a monthly basis? Bad choices have bad consequences in life.

Dweetfidilove · 05/12/2025 23:38

My husband earns well, bought his luxury car and his clothes. I don’t own anything like it. It’s just a shitty feeling. My money goes towards saving for a house, handing him £500 towards the car .. that I don’t drive.

Well, this is a bit silly. I imagine you're going to have a life of jealousy and feeling crap ahead of you, with a husband who's happy to furnish himself (only) with the best, at your expense.

justasking111 · 05/12/2025 23:45

I would stop handing over £500 a month to start with for his penis extension 🙄

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/12/2025 07:05

KKD90 · 05/12/2025 23:08

He put a chunk of his own money towards the car. I’m just helping with extra others, insurance etc. It does hurt a little, my salary is double below his, 20% of it goes to him for those things just mentioned. I don’t even drive the car. I work in London a lot and never need it.

There is a lot that I’m reflecting on. Being 35, living with his mum and dad (who are annoyingly controlling and status driven) effs me off.

Show quote history

What car costs £12k pa to run? Or are you paying the loan???
Ours is than £100pm for petrol insurance and mot....

Literally just Stop giving him £500 pm for a car you can't drive and dont use.

Let him find the money or sell the car.

Spend the £500 on a therapist and stay on contraception.

He sounds selfish and I would never have a child with a selfish man...

.