25 year old SIL. No comparison, no jealousy.

[KKD90]

Hi all,

I’m 35, extremely career driven and this year have started family planning. My husband bought a new car this year and saved long and hard. His brother and his wife are younger than us, they have the most luxury but budget life and it makes no sense on how they afford it. She works as reception manager and he’s just help desk (not knocking jobs) but they both drive a BMW each, have lots of gold jewellery, and the other day, my SIL walked in with an LV bag (something I have wanted for around two years but, priorities). She revealed my brother in-law bought it for her. They also have an 11 month old. They have made comments about me and my husband buying groceries in M&S and how expensive it is?!

I immediately felt pretty shit when I saw her walk in with the bag. Not because she had it, but I work hard and hadn’t been able to buy it. I also sacrifice a lot, we don’t own our own home yet and are also working towards that (we live with my in-laws). This isn’t a comparison, but I feel so shit. My husband earns well, bought his luxury car and his clothes. I don’t own anything like it. It’s just a shitty feeling. My money goes towards saving for a house, handing him £500 towards the car .. that I don’t drive.

Tell him to pay for his own status symbol and put your £500 a month into your handbag fund

I do feel for the OP, but what a miserable life lived driven by consumer goods, status competition, acquisitive relatives. Where is the joy, friendship, sunshine and just being in the moment? What is life for?

And we wonder why people aren't having children!

Is this a cultural thing by any chance. Living at home, luxury cars and clothes? Keeping up with the rest of the family.

Your husband sounds like a dick regardless and you're on different wavelengths money wise.

Go for a walk in the woods and listen to the birds sing. Watch the sunset go down and focus on what actually is important. Do you need an LV bag or a luxury car to be happy in life ? The most important things are mental and physical health and if you are happy. Ditch the car. Save up for a house and the other persons grass may look greener but probably isn't when you get close.

Let him pay for his own car and buy yourself a nice bag ,SORTED!

KKD90

Maybe your SIL's in-laws are funding her champagne lifestyle or it's all on credit and will come back to bite them. It doesn't matter. Look at where your money is going. A big chunk is funding your husband's lifestyle.

Even if you did save enough for a deposit on a house without his help, I fear that as soon as you start looking at properties, he'll have reasons why the two of you can't move out. For example, his parents will be getting older and need additional care. (Guess who'll be responsible for that.)

Look in the mirror and ask your future self where she wants to be in five years' time. If you left him, that £500 a month would grow to £30,000, not even counting interest. That's a down payment on a flat. And celebrate moving in by buying yourself that bag!

Your issue is with your OH and your marriage in general not your SIL.
The saving should have went towards a house not a car.
You earn well but don’t have a house or any nice things for yourself? Something is badly wrong.

Parents too attached and want their adult kids and wives to stay with them.

But you don't have to do what your or his parents want, do you?!

This post is bizarre. You are spunking money on a luxury car and buying your groceries at M+S which are the actions of people with money to burn, yet you still live with parents well into your thirties!!

Buy your groceries at Aldi for a few months, then you could probably afford a luxury bag if that's so important to you.

I'd ditch the husband and buy a flat of my own though...

I’m 35, extremely career driven and this year have started family planning.

What does your 'family planning' timescale looks like considering you still live at home?

It is not your responsibility to be paying £500 towards his car. You need to stop this immediately. If he wants the car, he funds the car, but at what detriment to the relationship is this car? You won’t ever be leaving the in-laws at this rate. I feel like you’re in a bit of a never ending cycle/trap here. Reflect on what you really want and need in a relationship and life. Good luck.

Ok deal with what is real: your husband is terrible.

handing him £500 towards the car .. that I don’t drive.

So why are you doing it?

Stop giving him £500 a month towards HIS car

Why are you giving your husband £500 a month for your hhusbands man toy when he earns double what you do?? And paying £500 a month towards anything while you are living with his parents is insanity. I don't think you sound jealous of SIL but you do sound like you are in a controlling and unhappy marriage. If you can get out.

"No comparison, no jealousy"

😂

That bag is most likely a fake bought off a market stall.

Don’t under any circumstances have a baby while you’re living with his parents. If you do you will be back here in a year saying how you don’t feel like it’s mother, your MIL is in charge of everything, and your husband is a useless father.

Take your £500 a month and the rest of your wages and move into a flat on your own.

Honestly. He told me not to be so ‘materialistic’ says him with his luxury car. what the actual f.

The only 'what the actual f' here is why you are with this man.

You have chosen to marry someone where you are still living with his mummy at the age of 35, you are paying £500 for him to have a luxury car and who calls you materialistic. You chose this man.

You are prioritising cars over a mortgage
No one needs expensive cars if they don't have their own home

1. Why do you live with your in laws if you both have jobs? Rent or buy.
2. Why do you give your husband £500 a month towards his car?
3. Your SIL’s cars will be on finance and the bag might be fake

Oops, sil seems to be living on cc credit? Stand well back when those chickens come home to roost! I've been there with DH brother and wife. Financial carnage.
Don't buy the bag (or find one 2nd hand) and ffs get rid of that car. It's not an investment. Start saving properly for your own home and family. £500 is a lot!

Their cars could be on finance deals or they could have taken out big loans for them.

The LV bag could be fake, they’re absolutely everywhere.

They may not having any savings at all.

Their gold jewellery could be fake or they could have a dozen creditcards maxed to the limit.

Stop focusing on other people’s lives and what they have and focus on your own and what’s important for you.

I don't understand the "no comparison, no jealousy" when it's all comparison and jealousy. And you are knocking their jobs. The whole post comes over very bitter and unhappy with your lot. Stop looking to your SIL and her choices and look at your own. That's all you have control over and you need to make some changes so you don't keep going down this road into bitterness. If a bag is making you feel shit, the issue is in you, not the bag and a bag will never fix it.

His brother and his wife are younger than us, they have the most luxury but budget life

What is a luxury but budget life?

Stop paying for a car that isn’t even yours. If you want a baby then have one, you’re 35 so that should be the priority now. Houses and cars can be purchased at any time but having a family won’t wait forever. If your husband doesn’t agree, consider if you want to stay with him or leave and go it alone