Starting to suspect I am not invited for Christmas

[jellytiger]

I've had relationships over the years, but for one reason or another have always spent christmas with my parents- even if a partner has come with me, or we have hosted both sets of parents.

I was always close with my brother until him and his wife had a baby, at which point I stopped really being invited to things. It caused a fair amount of division- me feeling isolated, and confused as to why, but also hurt that my parents saw this happening but wouldnt stick up for me as they didn't want to lose access to their grandchild.

This year there has been no mention to me of christmas. I don't know what I am doing, and suspect my parents have been invited to my brothers, and they want to accept to spend the day with their grandson, but they don't want to tell me what they have decided because I think the expectation is that I will have to spend it alone.

I am feeling quite vulnerable at the moment, as I am pregnant, and am struggling to work out if my feeling of tearfulness is because of hormones or justified. I feel if I tell my parents I'm expecting then they will tell my brother he has to start inviting me to things again and not excluding me, but equally I want to be there because my parents want me there, not because I am providing them with another grandchild.

Can't you just ask your parents what they are doing for Christmas? Maybe it isn't decided yet?

Agree with others, if you aren't invited, then OH should stay with you or you go over to his family.

Someone needs remedial reading comprehension tuition.

It just seems like one of these drip-feed posts. Can’t you invite your parents for Boxing Day if they’re with your brother and they don’t want a house full with the baby being so young.

That’s unreasonable. People who have difficult relationships with siblings can still have children of their own. What else has she said to suggest she shouldn’t be bringing a child into the world?

Why is it strange? It could be early days.

Honestly, right now it’s your partner who you should be planning Christmas with. You both seem a bit halfhearted about your final childfree Christmas - both relying on your parents to do Christmas for you.

Perhaps it’s time to grow up and really carve out your lives as a couple?

Contact your parents - ring them up ! And start talking about Christmas arrangements. If you usually go to your parents' house for Christmas (your childhood family home or near enough to it) then it will be perfectly reasonable for you to start talking about that.

If they then say "Oh no, we can't" ask them what they're doing. Again, a perfectly reasonable question.

If they say your brother's then say - well, I"ll come with you.

If that is vertoed, then tell them - you'll be alone at CHristmas, and they seem not to want your company - their daughter! - at CHristmas.

Unless of course there's a huge drip feed or back story ...

But it's not unreasonable to think that your parents might need to explain to you why they're favouring their son over their daughter ...

I would do christmas at yours with your partner, and then next year when your parents want to see the cute new grandbaby you turn around and say “well you wasnt interested in me when I didnt have a child so whats changed now?”

I don’t imagine OP wants to host when she’s expecting 🙄

Just talk to your parents!!

Honestly just leave it and plan a christmas with your man, and if not, by yourself

There must be a backstory as to your relationship with your brother and sil, and your parents as theyre essentially cutting you off

Well ask them first what they are doing for Christmas maybe they just assume it’s same as usual and you’ll be there - I don’t event remember my parents inviting me to Christmas- it’s just assumed unless I was to say we aren’t going (which we aren’t this year as we live abroad and can’t really afford flights this year unfortunately

Sorry that you're upset by this OP, it sounds a strange family dynamic that you are trying to cope with.

I would suggest asking your mum - without judging - what their plans are. That way at least you know. But also start making your own plans - can you go with your partner to his country? That would seem great as you are expecting a child together so hopefully his family will be very happy about this. If that's not possible and you'll be on your own can you make plans to have a lovely xmas by yourself? Get some lovely food in, plan out what you want to do etc. That way you have something to look forward to - and in all honestly I'd rather having some nice things by myself than go somewhere I don't feel at ease and welcome.

The poster doesn't say you already have children 🤔

This is unhinged. How are her parents cutting her off because they might have decided to spend Christmas with someone else? 😂😂

She's an adult FFS! 😂

And the poster doesn't say the OP has children either - the poster says no-one needs to parent the OP

Why can’t you visit your partner’s family next month? Next year you could stay home with your partner and baby.

presumably they assume you are spending Christmas with your partner? I don’t blame your SIL for not wanting to host for everyone if she has a young child with health issues

These posts always baffle me, not because of what’s in them but because they demonstrate how little people clearly communicate with one another.

From the post it seems fairly evident that the OP has very little relationship with her family. Nobody has even casually mentioned Christmas, OP doesn’t have a relationship with her brother or their baby, she hasn’t told her mum that she’s pregnant, and the partner barely gets a mention. Given the lack of communication between them, it’s unlikely the rest of them know that the partner isn’t going to be on the scene for Christmas, do they even know she has one?

I even casually ask my next door neighbour “what are you doing for Christmas?” So why is it that people are so incapable of asking the same question to their own family?

And if they’re not, then surely they wouldn’t be being expected to be invited given the lack of a relationship?

If you have a partner why are you worried about xmas...even stranger

Actually the poster did originally (which is what OP was replying to) and then edited their reply. The poster conjured up an imaginary family.

Its not anyones responsibility to parent you and your children at xmas, why are you not doing xmas for your children, also maybe your brother doesnt want a house full of kids and now youre pregnant again and clearly single maybe he just doesnt want the drama or his wife doesnt

Why don’t you go with your partner to see his family instead

These posts always baffle me, not because of what’s in them but because they demonstrate how little people clearly communicate with one another.

From the post it seems fairly evident that the OP has very little relationship with her family. Nobody has even casually mentioned Christmas, OP doesn’t have a relationship with her brother or their baby, she hasn’t told her mum that she’s pregnant, and the partner barely gets a mention. Given the lack of communication between them, it’s unlikely the rest of them know that the partner isn’t going to be on the scene for Christmas, do they even know she has one?

I even casually ask my next door neighbour “what are you doing for Christmas?” So why is it that people are so incapable of asking the same question to their own family?

And if they’re not, then surely they wouldn’t be being expected to be invited given the lack of a relationship?

It’s not hormones. It’s the fact that your family are total pricks.