Friend ghosted after he saw her without makeup

[Heriam]

My friend has been dating a man for quite some time now. They’ve slept together quite a few times, speak daily, talk about their lives etc.

She recently went bare faced in front of him via video chat and she hasn’t heard from him since.

I have no idea what to say to her. Please help me to make her feel better as she is devastated.
She doesn’t even wear a huge amount of make up. It was already the case that she was clearly more emotionally invested in him than he was in her. I mean, he liked her but not with the same intensity. She is now paralysed with anxiety and can barely function 😭

It might not be anything to do with the makeup, that’s probably a coincidence but if it is a factor she needs to focus on how shallow this creep is and cowardly for ghosting in the first place. She truly is better off without him.

Who do these fucking men think they are? They act like they’re kids on a candy shop, honestly that’s bloody heartbreaking.

I doubt that’s the reason he dumped her. She needs to move on, NEXT!

She has already wasted a few months on him, she can’t waste any more time, he is gone. Get her out for a walk in the woods.

If that’s truly why, then better to know now what a shallow asshole he is and consider it a win. She can’t hang her worth on such scum.

Oh dear your poor friend.

The lack is not in her, it’s in him and better to know that early on.

I think all you can do is be very sympathetic and wait for her to realise that “the trash took itself out”.

If that was the reason, rather than feel bad about herself your friend should feel pity for this sad specimen of a man for being so ridiculously shallow. He won't find happiness in a relationship if that's his attitude.

Yes if that’s the real reason then they had no future. How could she keep make up
on her if she was living with him or having a life with him? It being in hospital or going to the beach? That’s unrealistic.

How could she bend and contort herself to fit him for the rest of the relationship, he is juts not suitable. It would be like buying a dress that’s too small and trying to bend and squeeze into it for 20 years. It’s not the right one.

The make up thing is just a coincidence. He dumped her because she got over invested into this relationship.

This. Does he wear make up? Does he have the awfully named pink tax and wear make up, pluck his brows etc

I don’t wear make up and haven’t got 10 years I went all sort feministic about it when my daughter was about 10 and pretty much threw it all out.

I dye my hair as I don’t like its colour and have a good cut every 8 weeks and pants and bras are comfortable.

Tell her to make sure the next one sees her running and up to her armpits in mud and see if she likes him then.

Tell her to raise her bar !! Not with buying over priced crap for her face but finding a decent human being! And block him

I don’t know how long ‘quite some time’ is, but how has he never seen her with make up if they’ve slept together? Doesn’t it come off?
we can enjoy stuff or we can learn from it.
thr learning from this is to not fall for someone before you actually know anything about them, other than the fantasy you’ve made up in your head. He is obviously awful, if she had listened to what he was actually like, rather than what she wanted him to be like, she would know this.

This is a great point, and probably spot on. It’s a huge red flag if someone is invested before they know you, like your friends was; he should have been running for the hills.

My DDs friend was seeing a guy for about 2 years, they were talking about getting married etc., then her grandpa died, she was devastated with grief. Cue Prince Charming telling her he couldn’t deal with it all and to message him in a few months when she was feeling better. These are not good people.

I think there are only three possible scenarios here:
A. He saw her without make-up and decided she wasn't for him. Conclusion: lucky escape from superficial man.
B. It was nothing to do with the make-up, in which case there is no point agonising over the make-up.
C. It was something else but the lack of make-up tipped him over the edge - in which case, see A.

Why would she think it was the make up and not he just decided he was out?

Surely he saw her in the mornings with no make up on? Like others say I think it's just a coincidence...

She is well rid of the wanker is what I would tell her.
Onwards and upwards.

I also think this is correct, it wouldn’t even occur to me it was the make up, it’s just a co incidence, but I’d think maybe she’s got some hangups if she thinks that. Unless he was saying god you look awful or something.

It won’t be the make up, he’d have done it anyway. It’s such an awful, cowardly thing to do. I was ghosted after about 5/6 months a few years ago and it’s so shit.

I have seen these instagram videos recently and women start off looking normal or a bit spotty and pale and end up looking like a film star with all the make up and shading. They look totally different and would be unrecognisable.
Was she spending hours in her make up, disguising herself, making herself look completely different? If so then that’s one thing, but if not, then she needs to just let him go. she is who she is, and has done nothing to deserve that.

I definitely don’t think it’s about the make up though. She probably liked him too much.

There is little context in the OP ‘quite some time’ ‘hasn’t heard from him since’ contain massive variables.

How long have they been seeing each other. How long since she heard from him? Has she contacted him?

I don’t think that is fair. The OP said that they have seen each other and slept together multiple times. Why would she not think he was equally as invested?

That being said she should have probably been more emotionally cautious but these men are idiots.

To people who say he’s a superficial wanker I want to play devils advocate for a second. As women, our skin would curdle if a man we didn’t find attractive at all eyed us up or tried to touch us. I don’t think there is anything wrong with not being attracted to someone. I think the way he’s gone about it is disgusting. He could have found an excuse to end things gently.

And no, he genuinely hasn’t seen her without it as she wears waterproof make up and touches up in the mornings.

I mean, if you showed up to a date with a man who looked nothing like his pics, would you say you were superficial for not being attracted to him?

To me, the issue is the fact that even after 1 year of sleeping together she is still way more into him in terms of attachment. She has even tried to end things with him because of this but he always holds on to her. The relationship is convenient, no dates, no financial investment, they only meet for sex etc and fill the gaps with daily phone calls. He could have atleast said, yes I agree that this isn’t going anywhere and I don’t want to waste your time.

But going silent? Thats nasty as f**k

Your update bears no resemblance to your op.

This is what I think too- the makeup thing is a red herring.

Because people keep saying it’s superficial to not be attracted to someone. I don’t agree.

Also, my mistake, it wasn’t a video chat, she sent a no make up pic and he hasn’t spoken to her since. The ghosting is nasty as f**k. Send a polite response then ease into cutting the relationship over the next week or so.

Anyway, I have no idea what to say to make her feel better!!