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Original poster

Friend ghosted after he saw her without makeup

183 replies

Heriam · 15/11/2025 08:06

My friend has been dating a man for quite some time now. They’ve slept together quite a few times, speak daily, talk about their lives etc.

She recently went bare faced in front of him via video chat and she hasn’t heard from him since.

I have no idea what to say to her. Please help me to make her feel better as she is devastated.
She doesn’t even wear a huge amount of make up. It was already the case that she was clearly more emotionally invested in him than he was in her. I mean, he liked her but not with the same intensity. She is now paralysed with anxiety and can barely function 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Heriam · 15/11/2025 12:32

PGmicstand · 15/11/2025 12:13

This all reads as very mixed up.
I'm not sure I'd be opening very personal messages that a friend had been sent, for starters.
Secondly, if the friend and this man have been sleeping together but he doesn't find her physically attractive then it speaks volumes about how shallow he is.
I'm sure that both men and women sometimes do this because they just want sex, but to string someone along for a year or so feels dishonest and unfair.

I meant she forwarded the messages to me and I hadn’t opened them in my WhatsApp

OP posts:
Original poster
Heriam · 15/11/2025 12:32

StephensLass1977 · 15/11/2025 12:27

Ghosting is truly disgusting and has happened to me more times than I can even recall. It's funny how it stops as soon as you display even a modicom of confidence. That's what I have a problem with in your story. Men (and women) who do this are scum. He is of course free to choose who he wants to date, but ffs tell her! It's shocking to just leave someone hanging.

I just hope she doesn't start to look into cosmetic facial treatments now, unless she genuinely wanted to anyway.

I’m really sorry to hear this 😢

OP posts:
Bulldog02 · 15/11/2025 12:42

That's awful! Sadly,not that unusual.No one should have to settle for a guy like that! Thank God she is no longer with him!

We have a Male Neighbour,who is always bringing woman around.He was in a long term relationship,not sure if he is now?

The current one,talks quite loud though! We do feel slightly embarrassed & uncomfortable, with constant female visitors.

Are these woman, aware that they are mostly used for sex?

I know it's none of our Business,but I would prefer not to have live next door to this kind of behaviour!

toiletpaperthief · 15/11/2025 12:55

The problem is your friend, not that man, she should be on therapy trying to explore the part that made her fall into this one sided abusive situation with a douche bag.If she doesn't figure this out it will be rinse and repeat with the next douche.

JetFlight · 15/11/2025 12:56

He was only in it for sex anyway, right? No dates. Just some performative chats then sex.
What a rubbish relationship with a horrible man who made it clear what he wanted. He was never interested in her as a person.
Really sad for your friend. She needs to raise her standards and pick up on all the red flags.

Doobedobe · 15/11/2025 13:06

How different does she look with or without makeup? I have seen some of those videos PP have said about where people take off their makeup or go from ugly sister to superstar model with makeup. My DH puts me off when he wears a certain tracksuit, vest and slippers combo round the house, its so bad I just tell him hes giving me the ick by wearing it but we have been together forever so I can just remember the good times, but it would definitely have put me off him if i saw him this in the early days 😆

saltedcaramelcat · 15/11/2025 13:13

I don't think she's usually wearing this much makeup to become a whole new person after taking it off, so probably a coincidence. Ghosting happens for whatever reason and it's ALWAYS about the one who's ghosting and never about the one being ghosted. He was too chicken to tell her he doesn't want to take this further, I suppose. Nothing to do with her or her makeup.

HideousKinky · 15/11/2025 13:30

I find it very hard to believe that they have been together for a year and he has never seen her without make up....

Original poster
Heriam · 15/11/2025 13:40

HideousKinky · 15/11/2025 13:30

I find it very hard to believe that they have been together for a year and he has never seen her without make up....

They’re not together, they’re friends with benefits.

And anyway, her insecurities caused her to ask him if he’s attracted to her and it turns out that he never was, really. But he likes her as a person, bla bla bla. So no, in the end, it wasn’t the make up!

OP posts:
ForTipsyFinch · 15/11/2025 13:42

Heriam · 15/11/2025 08:28

To people who say he’s a superficial wanker I want to play devils advocate for a second. As women, our skin would curdle if a man we didn’t find attractive at all eyed us up or tried to touch us. I don’t think there is anything wrong with not being attracted to someone. I think the way he’s gone about it is disgusting. He could have found an excuse to end things gently.

And no, he genuinely hasn’t seen her without it as she wears waterproof make up and touches up in the mornings.

I mean, if you showed up to a date with a man who looked nothing like his pics, would you say you were superficial for not being attracted to him?

To me, the issue is the fact that even after 1 year of sleeping together she is still way more into him in terms of attachment. She has even tried to end things with him because of this but he always holds on to her. The relationship is convenient, no dates, no financial investment, they only meet for sex etc and fill the gaps with daily phone calls. He could have atleast said, yes I agree that this isn’t going anywhere and I don’t want to waste your time.

But going silent? Thats nasty as f**k

Are you sure you aren’t a misogynist male trolling? You sure sound like one 🙄

JillyGiraffe · 15/11/2025 13:53

Heriam · 15/11/2025 13:40

They’re not together, they’re friends with benefits.

And anyway, her insecurities caused her to ask him if he’s attracted to her and it turns out that he never was, really. But he likes her as a person, bla bla bla. So no, in the end, it wasn’t the make up!

Show quote history

Having read all of your updates I don’t think your friend and this guy were even friends - he just spoke to her every day and got the reward of casual sex. I learnt the term ‘wank sock’ on mumsnet and unfortunately that’s what this thread made me think of. He’s probably seeing someone else and can’t be bothered with the hassle of feelings. Your friend could do with a listening ear and shoulder to cry on…

toiletpaperthief · 15/11/2025 13:58

Heriam · 15/11/2025 13:40

They’re not together, they’re friends with benefits.

And anyway, her insecurities caused her to ask him if he’s attracted to her and it turns out that he never was, really. But he likes her as a person, bla bla bla. So no, in the end, it wasn’t the make up!

Show quote history

What a bunch of BS, you don't sleep with someone you're not attracted to for 5 years. He sounds like a manipulator of the worst kind, he's clearly wanting to belittle her for x and y reasons. What a toxic man and how lucky your friend to get out of this toxic situashionship.

Susiy · 15/11/2025 13:58

Depends on the person.
My son mentioned seeing a girlfriend of one of his friends without make-up and said he and the other male friends all talked about it afterwards and how not good looking she is and how their friend could do much better.
Some women are really skilled at putting on makeup.
It can be transformative.
I walked right past a famous singer in an airport one day as I didn't recognize her at all without make-up - she looked like the girl next door (not a bad thing) but not the beauty she looks on tour.

Susiy · 15/11/2025 14:09

@Heriam
If they have known each for 5 years and are just "friends with benefits" then make-up has nothing to do with him not wanting to be with her any more.
He's bored and moved on as she wants commitment something he never had.
This whole saga sounds like click-bait.

ForTipsyFinch · 15/11/2025 14:21

Susiy · 15/11/2025 13:58

Depends on the person.
My son mentioned seeing a girlfriend of one of his friends without make-up and said he and the other male friends all talked about it afterwards and how not good looking she is and how their friend could do much better.
Some women are really skilled at putting on makeup.
It can be transformative.
I walked right past a famous singer in an airport one day as I didn't recognize her at all without make-up - she looked like the girl next door (not a bad thing) but not the beauty she looks on tour.

Edited

Well don’t they sound lovely.

Namechange29383929383 · 15/11/2025 14:37

Susiy · 15/11/2025 13:58

Depends on the person.
My son mentioned seeing a girlfriend of one of his friends without make-up and said he and the other male friends all talked about it afterwards and how not good looking she is and how their friend could do much better.
Some women are really skilled at putting on makeup.
It can be transformative.
I walked right past a famous singer in an airport one day as I didn't recognize her at all without make-up - she looked like the girl next door (not a bad thing) but not the beauty she looks on tour.

Edited

Her other skill sounds like it’s the ability to pick the one decent lad in the group as a partner tbh

Original poster
Heriam · 15/11/2025 15:06

Susiy · 15/11/2025 13:58

Depends on the person.
My son mentioned seeing a girlfriend of one of his friends without make-up and said he and the other male friends all talked about it afterwards and how not good looking she is and how their friend could do much better.
Some women are really skilled at putting on makeup.
It can be transformative.
I walked right past a famous singer in an airport one day as I didn't recognize her at all without make-up - she looked like the girl next door (not a bad thing) but not the beauty she looks on tour.

Edited

This is absolutely disgusting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heriam · 15/11/2025 15:08

JillyGiraffe · 15/11/2025 13:53

Having read all of your updates I don’t think your friend and this guy were even friends - he just spoke to her every day and got the reward of casual sex. I learnt the term ‘wank sock’ on mumsnet and unfortunately that’s what this thread made me think of. He’s probably seeing someone else and can’t be bothered with the hassle of feelings. Your friend could do with a listening ear and shoulder to cry on…

Show quote history

Sadly, I think you’re right.

OP posts:
fireandlightening · 15/11/2025 15:36

Make up doesn't magically turn you into a different person, and if they've been seeing each other for a year he probably knows what she looks like. I really doubt this has much to do with seeing her without makeup. Much more likely he's found something else shiny. She, for her part, needs to work on her self-esteem, body image and anxiety issues.

PInkyStarfish · 15/11/2025 16:42

Her make up would have come off Siri g sex so it’s highly unlikely it’s the no make up in the video chat that has put him off unless she has suddenly erupted in boils or grown a beard!

It will be something she said that he’s mulled over and decided she isn’t for him or he has met someone lessons any other reason of which there are many, but it’s highly unlikely anything to do with her not wearing make up!

Most men I’ve known, don’t even like make up!

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 15/11/2025 18:00

Heriam · 15/11/2025 08:28

To people who say he’s a superficial wanker I want to play devils advocate for a second. As women, our skin would curdle if a man we didn’t find attractive at all eyed us up or tried to touch us. I don’t think there is anything wrong with not being attracted to someone. I think the way he’s gone about it is disgusting. He could have found an excuse to end things gently.

And no, he genuinely hasn’t seen her without it as she wears waterproof make up and touches up in the mornings.

I mean, if you showed up to a date with a man who looked nothing like his pics, would you say you were superficial for not being attracted to him?

To me, the issue is the fact that even after 1 year of sleeping together she is still way more into him in terms of attachment. She has even tried to end things with him because of this but he always holds on to her. The relationship is convenient, no dates, no financial investment, they only meet for sex etc and fill the gaps with daily phone calls. He could have atleast said, yes I agree that this isn’t going anywhere and I don’t want to waste your time.

But going silent? Thats nasty as f**k

And no, he genuinely hasn’t seen her without it as she wears waterproof make up and touches up in the mornings.

Seriously does she never ever takes her make up off? She just touches it up?
Does she never cleanse and moisturise her face?
Her skin is going to end up in some state if so.

Notascouser1990 · 16/11/2025 18:27

AquaForce · 15/11/2025 09:10

I had one of these. Bastard did it a few weeks before Christmas as my grief 'was spoiling his enjoyment of his life'. He said he'd come back when I was better. Three months later he rang me. I didn't even recognise his voice (landline, so didn't see the number) and he was most put out that I'd forgotten him.

I think these people were grown in a lab, they seem devoid of any decent qualities.

Edited
Show quote history

Oh god men like this are hilarious! They actually have the audacity to think women will be waiting in the wings for them when they're "ready" for a relationship or whatever, then act all shocked and surprised when they turn up and the woman has (quite rightly) moved on 😂

Usernamenotav · 17/11/2025 13:03

I think she needs to toughen up and perhaps question why her self worth is dependant on whether someone is into her.

Usernamenotav · 17/11/2025 13:06

duckfordinner · 15/11/2025 08:15

The make up thing is just a coincidence. He dumped her because she got over invested into this relationship.

Yea this sounds more likey. If she was 'intensley' into him already, that will have put him off.

ARoomSomewhere · 17/11/2025 15:46

TaffetaPhrases · 15/11/2025 08:09

Who do these fucking men think they are? They act like they’re kids on a candy shop, honestly that’s bloody heartbreaking.

Yes. I had contact from an old school friend over 2 years - texts & the odd short chaatty call. he asked for a recent pic. He didn't want to send one of him as 'I haven't aged well'. I sent a nice head & shoulders pic. Never heard from him again. What a twit. Please tell your friend he is a shallow coward (ghosting).